Experiences After Trying Again -Especially After Long Hiatus?

[DogMan75]

There’s still a lot of love between me and my BPD ex. We spent five years together, now 8 months broken up. I saw her on Friday and mutual triggering made it a disaster. I have a lot to work on and she has a lot to work on -neither of us is in a place to try again right now, but the longing to is there on both sides.

It may never happen, but if it does, it may not be for a long while. Has anybody gone this route before? How did it go?

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[pearlsw]

Hi DogMan75,

I can't say I have had such an experience, no. I had short breaks along the way with my SO that we got back together after, but that... .is what it is.

What was triggering for you when you saw her may I ask?

What kind of self-work might you be thinking about doing in the meantime, in the event that you either want to try again with her at some point, or be ready for someone new?

Has anyone else had such experiences? It would be great to hear from others/lend each other a bit of support!

with compassion, pearl.

[DogMan75]

What was triggering for you when you saw her may I ask?

What kind of self-work might you be thinking about doing in the meantime, in the event that you either want to try again with her at some point, or be ready for someone new?

I had been under the impression she had not been sleeping with other people -turns out she had. I wish she had been straight with me about it prior. If I’d had time to adjust before that I might not have freaked out. I mean, I’m not happy about it, obviously, but we were broken up, she has every right to do whatever she wants. I was just hurt and lashed out.

I also went right back into pushing her to admit her BPD, falling right back into old habits, patterns, etc. I wasn’t ever planning on getting back together with her before that, so I hadn’t really been prepping for addressing any of that productively. To tell you the truth, I think I was probably worse than she was.