I went to Wonderland willingly

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

Hi family,

Just read a break up guide, surviving a breakup.
And it basically was get in touch w me, its all about me.  Which is addressing the main problem of our r/s, i got lost there.  Its 100% my responsibility to maintain my sense of self, my priorities, family, friends, everything that makes my life mine.!  I gave up my life, mostly, to be w this person.  I went into Alice in Wonderland willingly.  It is up to me to recapture, regrow, learn, live, forgive (me and him),
Breathe, live, love, cry, all of everything!

w kindness and willingness to find my path, j

[juju2]

Hi family,

Just read a break up guide, surviving a breakup.
And it basically was get in touch w me, its all about me.  Which is addressing the main problem of our r/s, i got lost there.  Its 100% my responsibility to maintain my sense of self, my priorities, family, friends, everything that makes my life mine.!  I gave up my life, mostly, to be w this person.  I went into Alice in Wonderland willingly.  It is up to me to recapture, regrow, learn, live, forgive (me and him),
Breathe, live, love, cry, all of everything!

w kindness and willingness to find my path, j

[gotbushels]

juju2  

And it basically was get in touch w me, its all about me.  Which is addressing the main problem of our r/s, i got lost there.  Its 100% my responsibility to maintain my sense of self, ... .

Breathe, live, love, cry, all of everything!

Yes!  

[Cromwell]

Hi Juju2

I found I lost myself and never even realised it happening, I feel guilty about having neglected so many of the other things that were previously a part of my life, my identity - friends, family, career aspirations, hobbies.

I never set out to be someone's caretaker, it never felt that way to begin, but eventually it consumed me. it never even registered anymore that it was a choice i had.

it took awhile to reconnect with myself again, im so pleased to hear you already experiencing it, its a great feeling.

[juju2]

Thank you.

This also has me see that i am the problem.  I did this to me.  Even if it was gradual.

[Insom]

I went into Alice in Wonderland willingly.

Great observation, juju2!  I'm with you on this and feel that thinking this way is part of what has helped me move forward.

Would you like to say more about what made your experience with your ex feel like Wonderland?  What drew you in?

[juju2]

Hi,

I guess what drew me in was the honeymoon phase.  I felt like no one had ever loved me like that.  then, after many years, i was in the caretaker roll, i didnt know what happened.  Even now, one year from living together, i still dont know.  Every year was so different, i did step work on each year  to get a handle on what happened... .

[gotbushels]

I guess what drew me in was the honeymoon phase.  I felt like no one had ever loved me like that.  
... .
then, after many years, i was in the caretaker roll, i didnt know what happened.

Sometimes the path to being an SO of a pwBPD is complex. There are a lot of things that go on sometimes with a pwBPD when a caretaker participates in their life.  

This also has me see that i am the problem.  I did this to me.  Even if it was gradual.

juju2 it seems to feel that when we're left 'holding the issues', and we're often alone, then we might erroneously think we're the one that caused the issues in the first place. I think this is especially true after the relationship and a non is trying to figure things out without much support (it doesn't help if isolation is also part of the inventorying for you).

So I don't think you need to blame yourself--at least two people contribute to a relationship. Lots of members here aren't the sole problem in their relationships, so why are you?

Moreover--yes there are people that are predisposed to be SOs for these people--there's nothing that says this can't happen to a normal healthy person.  Yes the likelihood is in theory supposed to be lower, but it doesn't mean all emotionally healthy people are 'inoculated' at birth.