Reality check, why would I fixate on one that is emotionally disordered?

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

There is a list of positives I liked about my ex, I tolerated a catalogue worth of chaos as a result, reiterating what you said the main point was "she was hot".

When she loses her attractiveness, will people tolerate her anywhere near as much? No. The fact she gets away with it on that basis means there is very little encouragement for her to change.

It didnt take much effort at all to have found this "hot, funny" person, in fact, her falling into my sphere was so proximal in circumstance that it what was led me to believe in some mystical way (yes I was also on a lot of drugs at the time) that this was "the one".

Reality check, there is a world full of other people I find hot, funny and have a list full of positive attributes, why would I feel the need to fixate on one that is emotionally disordered?

When you say that he is the polar opposite on his "downswing"

Im more inclined to think of that as, you see the full complete package of the man, not just the attributes you would prefer to define him as an ideal type. In short, you see the parts that are inhibited, but eventually come to the surface. Having to accept this means to stand at a cross roads of deciding, do I want to try and spend more of my life chiseling and altering these parts away, or do I want to find someone else where these attributes are less profound or ideally non-existent.

[Cromwell]

There is a list of positives I liked about my ex, I tolerated a catalogue worth of chaos as a result, reiterating what you said the main point was "she was hot".

When she loses her attractiveness, will people tolerate her anywhere near as much? No. The fact she gets away with it on that basis means there is very little encouragement for her to change.

It didnt take much effort at all to have found this "hot, funny" person, in fact, her falling into my sphere was so proximal in circumstance that it what was led me to believe in some mystical way (yes I was also on a lot of drugs at the time) that this was "the one".

Reality check, there is a world full of other people I find hot, funny and have a list full of positive attributes, why would I feel the need to fixate on one that is emotionally disordered?

When you say that he is the polar opposite on his "downswing"

Im more inclined to think of that as, you see the full complete package of the man, not just the attributes you would prefer to define him as an ideal type. In short, you see the parts that are inhibited, but eventually come to the surface. Having to accept this means to stand at a cross roads of deciding, do I want to try and spend more of my life chiseling and altering these parts away, or do I want to find someone else where these attributes are less profound or ideally non-existent.

[juju2]

Wow.  You are telling my story, my ex s.o.BPD has bad behaviour, and the price he pays is, people leave his life.  Then he finds new people, and before you know it, they leave his life.

I guess i felt sorry for him, i saw a better person inside of him, the one that sometimes came out, more and more rarely.

Last nite i went to the hosp to see him, he is in for severe dehydration, renal failure, from working in the heat, four days, w out taking care.  So i was going to just bring him a cheerful plant, and wish him speedy recovery.  Instead, i get chided for "surprising" him.  He is the one who told me he was in the hospital!

What i saw in that moment was the dynamic that kept me hooked:  i would do something kind, he would diminish that (and me),
then i would try harder, and the response was always worse.  There was absolutely nothing i could do correctly, from putting out the trash to loading the dishwasher.  Seriously.  And i have a college degree, he did not graduate from h.s.

i cant believe i was so blind for so long.
Am thankful for this community who has given me support.  Thank you all, j

[MyBPD_friend]

I'm in NC with ex friend.  However sometimes I look her up in Social Media. A few days ago I  found something she put on her page. That image which she found on the web disappeared a day later.
This was the message, no idea who she was referring to:

'People who repeatedly attack your condidence and self esteem are quite aware of your potential, even if you're not'

I think that speaks for itself -blaming others for their illness.

[EdR]

There is a list of positives I liked about my ex, I tolerated a catalogue worth of chaos as a result, reiterating what you said the main point was "she was hot".

When she loses her attractiveness, will people tolerate her anywhere near as much? No. The fact she gets away with it on that basis means there is very little encouragement for her to change.

It didnt take much effort at all to have found this "hot, funny" person, in fact, her falling into my sphere was so proximal in circumstance that it what was led me to believe in some mystical way (yes I was also on a lot of drugs at the time) that this was "the one".

Reality check, there is a world full of other people I find hot, funny and have a list full of positive attributes, why would I feel the need to fixate on one that is emotionally disordered?

When you say that he is the polar opposite on his "downswing"

Im more inclined to think of that as, you see the full complete package of the man, not just the attributes you would prefer to define him as an ideal type. In short, you see the parts that are inhibited, but eventually come to the surface. Having to accept this means to stand at a cross roads of deciding, do I want to try and spend more of my life chiseling and altering these parts away, or do I want to find someone else where these attributes are less profound or ideally non-existent.

A while ago I posted something similar in the 'relation between beauty and BPD' thread. When I told my story to a friend (a P.), he asked me 'is she hot?'. As she was my friend I kinda hesitated and said 'well, she is quite pretty'.
His reaction was: "then she's truly ****ed".

He knew a 'hot' pwBPD would 'feel' way less reason to eventually seek help than others, due to this continious attention because of this perceived beauty.

So, why her behaviour attracted me to pursue friendship? Well... .it was not a really rational process. She basically sought my help a lot and I was there for her.

I never knew she could act so horrible, but the things I did notice were just signs of a complete persona to me. Someone is just not 'all happy'. The fact that there seemed to be a certain sadness behind her mask of happiness made her "real" and interesting to me.

[Insom]

Cromwell, how did she make you feel when you two were together?  What did it feel ike for you to be with her when things were going well?  How about when things weren't going well?