New to this site- navigating BPD with my teen daughter

[sunflowermom]

Hi
We have had a tough 9 months.  My then 14 year old daughter was discovered to be self harming.  She has had 3 stays in hospital.  Impluse control. pot smoking, medications, depression, anxiety, more self harm.  home/hospital school virtually the entire 9th grade.  The list goes on.  A couple weeks ago her therapist said she has all the traits of BPD.  So, I have done some research and this is exactly what is going on.  I feel relieved to give her behaviors a name/diagnosis even though I feel like we have been through other diagnosis.  Major depressive/ PTSD... .etc.- but this really fits!
My goal now is to help her with her episodes of major crying spells that seem to last hours. I also want to "parent" her and not just baby her.  Get her back into being an active part of our family- chores, dinners.
I feel like my heart breaks everyday and I am walking on egg shells.  I want hope.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Kwamina]

Hi sunflowermom and welcome to our online community

Your daughter unfortunately has exhibited some very concerning behaviors. I can imagine how difficult this must also be for you as her parent. Is self harming currently still an issue?

I am glad your daughter does have a therapist to help her with her issues. Since your daughter is still relatively young, it might help to take a look at this thread:

Early signs of possible BPD traits in your children

You want hope and I believe that participating on this forum can provide you some hope. I encourage you to go through the tools and lessons in the right-hand side margin of this board as they can help you in your interactions with your daughter.

Take care

The Board Parrot

[wendydarling]

Hello sunflowermom  

I join Kwamina welcoming you to our parents community.  I'm glad you've joined, the diagnosis was a relief for me too, it helped me understand in time after a lot of learning  here how I could help my then 26 daughter.

You are heart broken  , it rips us up seeing our dear children suffer so. We all walk on eggshells till we find a better way to support our children, it's a learning and you are on the right path with us here.

Does your daughter open up and talk to you about how she feels, her pain, 3 hospitalisations, does she reach out to you for help?

There is the hope you are looking for right here, and much more here.   When my daughter was in crisis I always signed off Hope.

Do you have support of family or friends?

Hope.

WDx

[sunflowermom]

Thank you for the warm welcome and support!  My daughter just had another suicide attempt last week again.  She is currently in the hospital where I feel she is getting the time she needs to think some things through in a safe environment.  Although I feel she is safe at home for the most part- a caring and loving home I cannot always watch her 24/7.  We have new plans for structure when she does arrive home and my daughter is totally on board.  Although I feel heart broken once again for the idea of loosing her and the knowledge I cannot control this mental illness. We will be trying new  strategies at home upon her return like very limited phone use and more structure.  I am definitely doing much more research on this site and others.  And we will continue with her IOP groups and therapy when she gets out.  Today I get to take a little time for myself and my husband since we will be home alone today.Which happens almost never!  This has been the challenge of my life and I do not wish this mental illness on my worst enemy.  I am so grateful that I do not feel alone in this and I have this site to reach out to others.

[Feeling Better]

Hi sunflowermom

I am so sorry to hear that your daughter is in hospital following a suicide attempt, how dreadful, my heart goes out to you 

It sounds like you will be very wisely implementing important limits and other strategies for when your daughter returns home and I applaud you for taking that positive stance.

I hope that you and your husband enjoyed your special time alone at home today, it sounds as though you are very supportive of each other.

Keep posting and sharing, we are all here “listening” x 

[DoneMom]

Sunflowermom,

I feel for you... .I was exactly in your shoes about 2 years back - waiting for my suicidal daughter to come home after a mandatory stay at a mental health hospital.  It’s a quiet time but so stressful as I know you are preparing for her re entry back into family life with new boundaries.

I wish I had known more then and it’s great that you found this place where there’s lots of information on BPD and lots of support from other parents going through the same issues.

Wishing you and your family the best,

DMom

[Kwamina]

Hi sunflowermom

How have you been?

A few weeks have passed since your daughter sadly made another suicide attempt. How is she doing now? Is she back home with you?

The Board Parrot

[velma]

I am new to all of this as well.  My daughter is 16 and has attempted suicide twice and self harms.  Most of her friends have abandoned her because she is horrible at any type of relationship.  My heart breaks for the kids.  I cannot imagine what goes on inside them.  I am very thankful to have a diagnosis.  I am also thankful to have found the group.  It helps to talk with others experiencing the same things.  Most of my friends have distanced themselves from me.  Hang in there.  We will get through this, though it will not be easy.