Went NC with EX BPD and they filed false criminal charges and I was arrested

[isitoveryet]

Hello all,

I broke up with my ex a couple months ago after recognizing the instability and chaos that surrounded her as well as the constant fighting, mood swings, abuse, etc.  After I said I wanted no contact and broke up with her, she broke into my place, assaulted me, left and police were called.  I went and got a temporary restraining order the next morning, after having my front door fixed.  She was served the temporary restraining order and immediately filed a temporary restraining order AND criminal assault charges against me.  I was arrested.  I have since spoken to multiple Victim Services agencies in my area and no one has helped.  I did file criminal burglary and assault charges against her and she was arrested.  When she was released from jail, things just got worse.  She has now filed multiple false criminal charges, causing more arrest warrants for me to be issued.  This has cost me my job and my reputation.  I am facing eviction from my apartment and my car will soon be repossessed.  No one else will hire me because I have pending criminal charges.  I don't have a support system.  I don't have family to help.  I worked quite a bit and had work acquaintances, but not anyone close.  The few people I have told my story to can't really help and/or don't know how to help.  My ex has money and got a criminal defense lawyer immediately after she was initially served the temporary restraining order.  Just looking for support and suggestions.  I had no idea someone could even file a false criminal charge and I could be arrested on their word alone.  That it could be a total fabrication and the police do not care.  It feels like this system is set up for those who live to manipulate and abuse.  I am still being abused by my ex, but she is now using the system to destroy my life.  I don't have money for a private lawyer or anything else. 

[pearlsw]

Hi isitoveryet,

Wish I could offer more than support! This sounds absolutely horrible!

Are there any free legal resources in your area? Have you done a search on those terms and your area yet? Or a social services hotline that might point you in the right direction? Or a victim advocate's number to call?

It is amazing how this can happen. I had an old boyfriend who had to file criminal charges for a legitimate crime against him at one point, but we both remarked to ourselves at the time, we remember how easy it seemed to make up a false story. We didn't of course, but still... .Scary stuff!

I wish I could say the truth will prevail, but that is far from guaranteed I'm afraid. Beware, if you are in the US, of the plea bargaining system... .It's designed to get you to give up to save them the trouble/cost of prosecuting you, but can wreck you pretty bad.

What are all the charges against you now? How many separate ones are there?

take care! pearl.

[isitoveryet]

I'm in the U.S. and it is horrific.  I have spent the last 2 months trying to get help.  Apparently, you are not innocent until proven guilty here.  Anyone, anywhere, can lie, make false charges, and you will be arrested. It is the perfect set-up for an abuser/BPD/NPD to continue their abuse when you leave them.  I wish I knew this before now. Staying with my ex would have been a breeze compared to this nightmare.

There is help out there if you have money.  The more money you have, the more help is out there.  As far as free services, they don't have the resources, nor the experience to get involved or help at this level.  Believe me.  I have tried everything.  Hence, this post.
 

[DogMan75]

Oh man.

This is just awful. I don’t even know where to start here. No help from any victims’ services either? Are you in a major metropolitan area? I would just exhaustively contact every one I could, starting with every local resource and get wider and wider. I don’t know much about this particular area, but most things in life are just a numbers game: keep reaching out until you get the assistance you need.

I know you’re new here, and dealing with a BPD partner or ex is bad enough as it is -I can’t even imagine how you must be feeling right now. Just don’t give up. No matter how bad it is, eventually, it will pass. Not that it will be easy, not that it will be fast: I can promise you it certainly won’t.

Be strong, don’t lose yourself, and don’t lose hope. Just keep trying, keep reaching out, and come back here as often as you need to. I know for me and for so many others here, this has been a lifeline.

Good luck, sister. I wish I had something more substantive to add. Keep your chin up and keep us posted.

[Cromwell]

Hi isitoveryet

This clearly is at its basis, a legal issue that I am not familiar with. Similarly in the UK, you can be arrested easily with little grounds beyond an accusation. Arrested means nothing however, other than that there has been reasonable suspicion of an arrestable offence having taken place. It, by itself, does not equate to being prosecuted which results I think in your case the ":)A?" or whatever prosecuting authority decides based on the evidence gathered.

Is there any sort of "public defender" or similar organisation to get help from? Free legal advice from charity related organisations, or even those probono drop in centres arranged by places such as universitys that have law schools? We have these things here. There are also online lawyers where you might pay a small fee to ask a question, give a description like you have done here and pay a relatively small fee for an answer.

Id say that otherwise and I know this has been a horrible situation to have to cope with emotionally, alongside seeking some legal expertise, what has happened has happened and my advice is to try and live your life as normal as possible otherwise. Avoid any contact whatsoever with this woman if she does try to engage you at any point. As devastating as it is at the moment, you havent been convicted, these are false accusations that require a high burden of proof to substantiate. Its not that the police dont care, they are not emotionally involved in the situation - cant be - they are only following based on accusations they get told. The system is not against you in this, but just like any system, it is open to be abused and does so regularly. Its not a secret that people use the authorities as a retaliatory mode of power, it happens every single day and the courts are all too aware of it. The bottom line is accusations require evidence to substantiate them. Being arrested is nothing more than a process of evidence gathering to support any potential prosecution, however distressing it is. Sorry you have had to go through this and best wishes.

[spero]

Hi there isitoveryet,

I'd like to join pearlsw, cromwell and dogman in the conversation.
How has things been for you lately? Is she still causing issues for you? We're here to listen.

Yours,
Spero.

[Mutt]

Hi isitoveryet,



Wow what a story. I’m sorry that you’re going through this. I’d like to join the others and welcome you to bpdfamily. I’d just like to add to what Cromwell said about resources lawyers will give you free consultations for an half an hour or an hour I’d suggest make some calls, call a few of them and get their advice. We have a legal board here I’m sure that someone has gone through something similar and perhaps their experience can give you some direction https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?board=10.0