My sister has taken my parents.

[yamada]

In 1997 after my toxic mother PD went too far I told her that her brother sexually abused me and as we know with BPD she went on a vindictive rampage trying to destroy me for years.  We were estranged for 5 years and my sister 12 years younger than me was always groomed to be mums henchman. Dad is the passive enabler. But we managed to find a mid ground with me holding boundaries and have been emotionally distantly plodding along. My sister and my relationship has been one of conflict estrangement and reconcilliation when she has been in crisis. However its always been about "my" horrible behaviour to my parents/ And quite frankly my sister has have never been in the same room  with us in the last 10 years.

My sister has borrowed over $125k off my parents and they bought a house for her to live in and she pays 2/3 rent. She carried on to have the house she wanted not the house that would suffice and it was an expensive house. I have never borrowed money and am financially Ok... she is an emotional manipulator like my mother. she is very very effective.  In fact if the two of them were men and my father a woman it would be DV without the physical stuff.


3 months ago my sister was organising my parents redoing their will. An update to include grandchildren. My father made her executor... I asked could there be an independent one or my daughter as co executor as I do not trust my sister to be honest . I said to my dad "add my daughter  and not delete my sister and I described what my sister would do if  and all the other behaviours carry on with to get her own way.  You would think I am psychic

As well I gave my sister the curtesy that this is what I asked for and thinking it would be ok as she has nothing to hide.;

Well, she has gone further than I thought.

My sister an UBPD has abducted my parents to her place 5 hours drive away. and has refused to allow me contact with them. My father has major depression just diagnosed ... .an assessment I organised with out doctor and my mother moderate dementia which I was trying to get an assessment organised. my sister think I do nothing for my parents and I should be around there everyday cooking and cleaning and taking them to appointments.  I live 10 minutes away. i have spoken to my father and he sees that they are not in need of anything and he has no doubt if he needs help I will give it. Every thing I discussed was with their autonomy independence and dignity in mind.

She is bringing them back to their home for two weeks,   one of which she knows I will be away. She plans to pick them up after those two weeks  and take them back to her home for 12 weeks where she will not allow me contact with them. My parents cannot use a mobile and there is no home phone and refuses to let me ring her phone. she said write them a letter.

 I said I wanted to see them  when I get back and do not sabotage it as I would see it as an obstruction and alienating my parents.

I am a retired resistered nurse I specialised in mental health but I know it all.
I have PTSD and had to retired for that. I cannot work, but I have never been to hospital, I won my mental health and deal with it responsible with my doctor.

If my parents were children she has abducted them and alienated them. I have been in my village close to with them the whole time . We could have moved now our kids have grown but I wasnt sure about leaving them.

Her reality and reality are so different. She hasnt even looked at her emails  and text to see her behaviour. Nor has she any evidence for what she accuses me of because there isnt any. I have kept as much communication as I can with her and I am asking my kids to keep all communication to writing.


She insists my mother cant stand to be in the same room as me which I said was a lie as she is the one who loves to come and visit me. Its easier to manage her now that dementia sits in.

Her reality isnt a reality and she misrepresents what I have said... .even the written stuff. She doesnt bother to check to see if she is right and looks a fool. she takes three stories and makes them one. Its bizzare. Its almost thought disordered... .but it isnt.

And then she says this to me and her threat has no substance but she thinks it does. Because she has no evidence for it

"the  fact is you hate to think I can cope. Do you honestly think you can be trusted to make the right decisions about mum and dad in regards to their health? I will print off every email to prove to whoever I have to that you haven't cared about them., what you have said to them and to question your mental health to be able to make the correct decisions about them."

has any one ever been in this position. What did you do? and what did you need in the way evidence and information gathering. what did you do before you sough legal advice

[Turkish]

This sounds complicated 

Is there something like adult protective services where you are? Do you think what's going on qualifies as elder abuse, despite your father communicating things are ok?

[yamada]

She wont let me speak to my parents so I dont know if they are OK. I dont know if they know what she is doing.  I am going to ring the elder abuse hotline on Monday. See its like DV they could be sitting in a corner saying we are fine because she bullys them and does my fathers head in before he gives in for peace

[Turkish]

Calling is the right thing to do.  Shining a spotlight on her possible abuse may result in her behaving better towards them. 

[yamada]

Thing is that her behaviour is so insidious. And I have been looking at defence mechanisms. for personality disorders. She is so black and white
You can disagree with people and get on. Nope it makes you the bad person. her world is black and white good and bad unless it is her then she rationalizes and justifys and twists things. And talk about projection what ever I say she turns around the next day and accuses me of it
And abandonment. ever since my parents and are OK for the last 10 years her accusations of me are worsening. In fact I dont think she understands that love or for my mother attachment is infinite.
Love for her with my parents is makeing her own assessment of how things are and to the point of intrusiveness doing stuff... .to the embarrassment of my father and bullying her way to doing it... .and blaming me for not doing anything. where as I respect their ages and their wishes and their independence and tweak things and sort things and respect their dignity and do not take over their lives over a drama that doesn't exist.