Mom attempted suicide, discovering BPD is a huge relief

[SOdone13]

Hi everyone,
Well, in a nutshell, I am looking for knowledge, and help.
I am new to all things BPD/NPD. Well, not all "things"  but actually having a name for it, and things starting to make sense.
It's so strange and glorious to find out Im not alone! My mother really actually "has" something, and her actions are not due to something I have or have not done for her! I am not the only one without the "sweet little old lady" 82 year old!
My father passed away 3 years ago, and was a very loud, overweight, controlling type.
I am a 48 year old daughter of a BPD, married to a pretty fantastic guy (husband has ADHD and we are in our 21st year together), with one amazing miracle 10 year old son. (we lost 6 pregnancies due to PCOS)
We are a Christian family who came to faith in late 2011.
We have just learned about BPD/NPD as my mother attempted suicide at the end of May 2018.
I hope to learn as much as I can and I also have knowledge and experiences to share. Thankful to have found this page.

[Panda39]

Hi SOdone13,

Welcome to the BPD Family  

I'm sorry to hear about your mom's suicide attempt, how is she doing now?  How are you doing now?

Has your mom been diagnosed or are you like me and have arrived here because the shoe fit?

I'm on these boards because my significant other (SO) has an undiagnosed BPD ex-wife (uBPDxw) and they share 2 daughters, so I come at BPD from a slightly different angle.  However, it is amazing as you read the stories of others here, how similar all of our stories are.

When I first found out about BPD I hit the books, I wanted to understand better what my SO went through in his marriage, and also better support their 2 girls.  You may have already come across these but below are some books that I found particularly good... .

On BPD in General... .
Stop Walking on Eggshells: Taking Your Life Back When Someone You Care About Has Borderline Personality Disorder by Randi Kreger
 
Overcoming Borderline Personality Disorder: A Family Guide for Healing and Change by Valerie Porr, M.A.


On BPD Mothers in particular... .
Understanding the Borderline Mother: Helping Her Children Transcend the Intense, Unpredictable, and Volatile Relationship by Christine Ann Lawson

What does your relationship with your mom currently look like?  What issues are you having the most difficulty with?  

You've landed in the right place.    The members here have a wealth of experience to share, and are really supportive.  The site is full of tools and information that we would love to share with you and you can certainly take a look around on your own.  One place to start is with the box to the right -> each item is a link to more information just click on anything that resonates and you are taken to more on that subject.  When you have time you might take a look at the "Lessons" section.

I'm glad you've found us and decided to jump in.

Take Care,
Panda39
 

[SOdone13]

Hi Panda39,
My mom is doing well, and they say she is perfectly healthy for her age.
She took an overdose, but was caught in time.
I do notice more cognitive impairment, but not sure where that is going yet.

A week prior to her actual attempt, she had made suicide threats, and, after spending a few days in the mental health ward, the psychiatrist talked to us about BPD.
Once I started reading about it I was amazed! It was her! Right there in black and white!
I just dont have a clue what to do with this information or how to move forward with it. So I am hording websites and book information like a squirrel ha ha! Thank you for the suggestions.

She is in a retirement home, and I am just trying to find normal.
She calls and messages me multiple times a day and I see her traits emerging once again and I am worried that she will blow her (final) major opportunity at this home. From here, if she blows it off, or tries suicide again, we will remove ourselves from her life. She is literally in the last place even available to her other than a homeless shelter because in the past 3 years she has just spun from place to place to place.

We have been her care provider/planner/problem solver since my dad passed 3 years ago. It has been a roller coaster to say the least! She is an ever constant spinning top of issues and being unsettled. When we try to step back she gets frantic and digs in her heels.

I am so sorry you have to deal with a BPD in your life, and that children are involved. I see how my son really cant stand his grandmother (only grandparent at that) anymore.
Its hard to understand and even harder to explain... .but as long as the kids understand its not because of them, thats a start

Thank you for pointing me in some directions!

[Panda39]

A week prior to her actual attempt, she had made suicide threats, and, after spending a few days in the mental health ward, the psychiatrist talked to us about BPD.
Once I started reading about it I was amazed! It was her! Right there in black and white!
I just dont have a clue what to do with this information or how to move forward with it. So I am hording websites and book information like a squirrel ha ha! Thank you for the suggestions.

 

I agree discovering there is a name for the chaos and drama is really helpful.  Things that didn't make sense before start to make sense.  Getting a good handle on what BPD is the first step to making order out of chaos.

I discovered BPD by Googling "Chronic Lying" and the shoe fit like Cinderella's glass slipper.

I like you started to research more and hit my local library.  I found this site a few years later.  This is a great place to learn real life tools, get support, get ideas, and an even better understanding of situations with your mom because you are among people who have experienced similar things and can share what did and didn't work for them.

She calls and messages me multiple times a day... .

How have you been handling this so far?

I am worried that she will blow her (final) major opportunity at this home.

What is her history with nursing homes?  Sounds like she's been kicked out in the past.  

From here, if she blows it off, or tries suicide again, we will remove ourselves from her life. She is literally in the last place even available to her other than a homeless shelter because in the past 3 years she has just spun from place to place to place.

This is tough but I totally understand it. At some point we all have to suffer the consequences of our actions, hopefully for her sake she can do what she needs to do to stay where she is.

When we try to step back she gets frantic and digs in her heels.

What kinds of behaviors are you seeing in this situation?

Okay, that's enough questions from me   I look forward to hearing more from you.

Panda39

[Harri]

Hi!  Welcome to the board.  I don't have much to add here as Panda has given you such good responses and asked some important questions.  

We have a few people here currently providing care for their elderly parents and some others who have chosen to limit or even end their contact.  What ever happens and what ever you decide, we can all relate to having a BPD relative and how that affects our lives.  We can listen and support you as you wade through this situation.  We get it here.

BTW Panda, you are the queen of finding pictures that match posts!  

[Woolspinner2000]

Hi Sodone13, 

I want to join Harri and Panda39 in welcoming you! This is a great group of members who truly get it as we have all been there with having a pwBPD (person with BPD) in our lives. Thank you for sharing your first post with us. 

I'm not sure if anyone asked this already, but is this the first time your uBPDm tried to commit suicide? As you probably know by now, it is not unusual for those with BPD to attempt suicide. I know my uBPDm threatened suicide quite often, and while I don't remember it because I was too young, my dad said she tried. I do remember the other times though, the threats, the fear I lived in because of it. Some things don't go away very easily.

Many of us are about your age, having discovered the clues that we are looking for to find a solution to "what IS IT that is really wrong with my parent?" Typically we know something is not quite right, but it is hard to find. You'll certainly find a lot of helpful information here to guide you on your journey.

Is there anything in particular you would like information about?

 
Wools