pwBPD perspective: Possible reasons for a Devaluation or a Discard

[Soc]

I have  permission to use this info, its from a male pwBPD and he has tremendous insights :

"Simply put because we are capable of hating you just as much as we adore you.

Discarding can be done for a number of reasons….

We feel you have hurt us so want you away from us to stop the perceieved pain you cause.

We have come to the conclusion you are about to leave so we leave first.

We have created so many problems that we cannot see a way back so we will leave because we think we can never make it up to you.

We have blamed you for all the drama and are completley in denial about the reality of a situation. We feel that this is your fault not ours so we leave out of anger.

We ignore you because we are too wrapped up in are own emotions to even fathom having to deal with the fallout of yours.

We ignore you out of spite because we percieve that you have wronged us in some way.

We are heartbroken and feel incapable of seeing you or contacting you.

All the examples given here can be summed up into four main reasons. Whether we’re right or wrong doesn’t really come into it, the discarding and ignoring are just behaviours pwBPD will do to protect or punish.

We are hurt.
We are frightened
We are angry.
We dont care."

[juju2]

Wow.  How insightful.  Thank you.

Would he be able to tell me if my situation would omprove, or if we will get back together. I could pm you.  Its a lot to ask.

[spacecadet]

These are great, from everything I've experienced and read they have the ring of truth.

With many of these, there's nothing a 'non' can do about, the pwBP needs to process and come to their own conclusions as to what they want. With some, a mending is possible, forgiveness is possible... .it comes down to how much courage the person possesses and how committed they are to bettering their lives. When they don't care, nothing can be done. I think that's where my ex got to, think he felt these intense and conflicting emotions until whatever drew him to me just burned itself out and what was left was a big blank.

No reflection on me or my wonderfulness.  If there's one thing I want to tell all non's, that's it. Say it like a mantra.

[Soc]

Wow.  How insightful.  Thank you.

Would he be able to tell me if my situation would omprove, or if we will get back together. I could pm you.  Its a lot to ask.

Ill ask but I dont think anyone can predict an out come when they deal with such an unstable disorder. The truly sad part id you dont know whom you are dealing with, Dr. Jekyll or Mr. Hyde or both on any given day.

[juju2]

Thank you Soc.   Sent you pm just in case.

Sincerely, j

[zachira]

Main Reason: I am so overwhelmed by my own emotions that I want to run away from you and your emotions, and I can only think of my needs right now.

[Soc]

Main Reason: I am so overwhelmed by my own emotions that I want to run away from you and your emotions, and I can only think of my needs right now.

That seems to be more NPD than BPD, and which pwBPD does your main reason concern?