When I first arrived here, one article hit me square between the eyes and explained so much to me about the dynamic of my r/s. Although I share this often, new members arrive on our board daily and even longer term members may find a refresh helpful from time to time (I know I did!).
Surviving a Breakup When Your Partner Has BPDTo summarise one part of the article, here are the 10 beliefs that can keep us stuck:
1 Belief that this person holds the key to your happiness
2 Belief that your BPD partner feels the same way that you feel
3 Belief that the relationship problems are caused by some circumstance or by you
4 Belief that love can prevail
5 Belief that things will return to "the way they used to be"
6 Clinging to the words that were said
7 Belief that if you say it louder you will be heard
8 Belief that absence makes the heart grow fonder
9 Belief that you need to stay to help them
10 Belief that they have seen the light
There are further explanations within the body of the article, and I would recommend these are read for context around the beliefs. That information certainly was an eye opener for myself. I struggled with a number of these beliefs, however having that understanding of what the reality was versus my thinking allowed for me to begin gaining some control over my detaching and healing. It hurt, but I understood that the short term pain was worth it to save me far more pain long term.
So, if you are feeling stuck right now, could it be one or more of these beliefs holding you back?
Tell us which of these apply to you now, and/or which of these you have let go of on your healing journey.
Love and light x