no hope

[ProfDaddy]

Been raising a son with pre-BPD tendencies. Suicidal and homicidal thoughts since he was 4. Son is now 14, still in treatment, still violent, still threatens to kill others when upset. He has been in residential treatment for years, had good legal representation and son is well cared for. D16 is also depressive, causes strife, and is a drama queen. There is no hope raising these children, no hope for my son, and not rewarding to raise my daughter. I can't see a rewarding future for either of them or have any positive parenting moments with my children. Getting tired, think every day of suicide because there are no positive outcomes for anyone in this. It doesn't get better, it never will, why bother? How do y'all keep going when there is nothing positive to look forward to?

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[hope2727]

I am so sorry for your struggle. You are not alone. 

[Feeling Better]

Hi ProfDaddy

I hear your pain and my heart goes out to you

I know this is a hard thing to do and we can help you, walk alongside you, you need to accept what you can or cannot do and what you can or cannot change.

You are feeling right now that there is no hope and nothing to look forward to, how would your life look if you were in a better place yourself, taking care of yourself and learning how to cope with what life has thrown at you? Do you think that is something that you might be able to do? I hope so, I really do. I hope to hear more from you 

[Huat]

Hello ProfDaddy

I'm going to join Feeling Better and Hope2727 here in saying I am so, so sorry your world is looking so bleak now... .and you don't deserve all this to be happening to you. 

You need to know, though, that you are being heard!  For sure that does not take away from your family situation being what it is... .but I so hope you are feeling the support being sent to you from all here.

God knows my world has been black in the past and I, like you, sometimes felt it was just getting to be too much... .but thankfully I held on. 

It has helped me immensely to vent and I hope you keep putting those fingers on the keyboard and sharing with us.

Come back to us, ProfDaddy, keep posting!  We'll walk with you.

Huat 

[Jnel921]

Welcome ProfDaddy…

I am so sorry for your pain. Like the others here have said you are not alone. We are all going through the rollercoaster as well. With BPD its not easy.

Its great that your son is in treatment. He is still young and has time to change and improve. So does your D.

Take care of yourself as you need to be there for your kids. Don't lose all hope. I have good days at times with my diagnosed D20. I regret not getting her treatment when she was younger. Its harder after they turn 18. They can say no to it and this is an issue if more problems arise.

You came to the right place... .lots of support here.

[beady]

I am so sorry to hear of your struggle. I have a son and daughter as well. My 33 yo son has schizophrenia and lives with my husband and I after an unsuccessful attempt at living on his own. My undiagnosed BPD 35 yo daughter has been low contact for many years, the last two which have been no contact. I know how bleak the future can look for everyone in your family that is affected by mental illness. I think the key to finding a place in your life that offers some peace is accepting that you cannot change things, no matter how much we may want to. And then find some one to talk to about your struggles... .a good therapist or psychologist. It helps to unburden yourself to some one. To share the disappointments and dreams that have to be left go. This board is a good start. There isn't anything you can't share here. And try to find something to do that you enjoy. Take a cooking course, join a bookclub. I knit and make jewelry, as well as a fitness class once a week. The knitting and jewelry making are my way of meditating, very therapeutic. And the fitness class, which I may not really enjoy, keeps this old body of mine in some kind of shape and out with some new faces. Try walking if none of these other activities don't appeal to you. It's good for the body and soul.

[Huat]

Hello again No Hope. 

I've been thinking about you and watching for another one of your posts.

This, at times, can (and is!) a terrible life for us parents as we struggle dealing with the behaviours of our "different" children.

Beady gives such sage advice.  If you read through her past posts you will see that she is in the deep, muddy trenches, too, working hard to make a good life... .for herself... .despite the drama that surrounds her.  I think she hits the nail on the head when she writes... .

"I know how bleak the future can look for everyone in your family that is affected by mental illness.  I think the key to finding a place in your life that offers some peace is accepting that you cannot change things, no matter how much we may want to... .and then find someone to talk to about your struggles... .a good therapist or psychologist."

To quote her again... ."This board is a good start." 

Hope you are taking some deep breaths, ProfDaddy.  Wishing you slivers-of-sunshine through those rain clouds.

Huat

[ProfDaddy]

Thanks all -- every day is a struggle. Still seems pointless sometimes.

[Only Human]

Oh ProfDaddy, my heart goes out to you - here's a virtual hug  

What's going on these days? It helps to talk about it. We are listening and you don't have to struggle alone.

Take good care of you,

~ OH

[FaithHopeLove]

Hi ProfDaddy
I really do know how you feel. Parenting mentally ill children is not what any of us planned or hoped for and yet here we are. I have had times when I honestly regret bringing my DS into the world but you know what? That regret changes nothing. What does change things is radical acceptance of the situation as it is and self care including therapy. You say you feel suicidal yourself. Please get help! We are always here for you but it would still be good if you had some face to face support. What do you think? Are you interested in therapy for yourself ?
 

[hope2727]

 Can you describe more of what you are experiencing? Do you children have other medical conditions or physical symptoms? Just curious. I would love to hear more about your experience. You are not alone. We are here for you. Let us know how you are doing. 

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders