Im just curious as to what other members think about this and if this could possibly be true.
My partner hasnt dysregulated like this since July 2016. Theyre were some little blips in between but it wasnt a full out episode like this one. He dysregulated in mid June and has moved out of our apartment four weeks ago today with very little contact and hostile contact at that since. Its feeling like this is the longest that he has been like this and I was wondering if this could be why?
Hi blackorchid,
Years ago, when we were in a long distance relationship, I spent the summer with my SO in the country he lives in. When I left at the end of the summer to go back to work in my home country things were a bit off, but I had no idea he would end up not talking to me for a month and half, nearly 2 months. He was overwhelmed, had a lot of other things going on, and just went silent.
I didn't know about his personality/mental health issues at that time, and I felt terrible and hurt by it. He did come back, but nothing I did made him come back as I recall. He was cold to all I said or did until the point I nearly gave up and then he contacted me. He told me many years later he was testing me a bit to see how much I really loved him. I don't quite buy that, but there it is.
I know this is hard, this is a big amount of time and with you out of sight and others influencing him his feelings are in a different place now. It is hard to know if they will ever return to what they were before. I think at some point when he is calmer he may feel differently, less angry, but what he will do is anyone's guess.
I know when my SO would split with me for shorter periods of time I always had this urge to get to him, let him see me, hear me, and then he would calm down and remember he loved me.
But after years and years of this I have given up this approach. I am tired of breakup threats and don't chase. The results this time have been interesting. He says now he has "learned his lesson" and will not break with me again, that he missed me very much, etc., etc. I don't really believe he won't make such a threat, but he may go longer than usual having "learned his lesson". We'll see... .
How are you feeling at this time?
take care, pearl.
