The dream

[Pina colada]

A few nights back I had a dream about my sister.  It started off "rocky" but in it she was her "nice" self.  When I woke up, I found myself missing her.  Of course it was just a dream and I missed a part of her that she wasn't consistent with... .Anyone else have dreams of their BPD/NPD relatives?  How do you feel after?

[Learning2Thrive]

Yes, I have. And how I feel after, well... .it depends on the dream. 

It’s so painful to grieve the loss of the family we long for and love. If only... .

Sigh... .and silent tears that sting hot cheeks.

Sending you compassion and love. Be kind to yourself Pina colada. You didn’t deserve what you got. Neither did I... .or others on this board. 

But we can do more than survive. We can thrive. And there are some pretty incredible silver linings to be discovered.

  L2T

[Kwamina]

Hi Pina colada

Yeah, I have had several dreams like this through the years. I am NC with my brother who is older than me like your sister. When I have dreams in which he also features, I do wake up feeling a bit sad about the family live that could have been. However, after a few hours I start thinking about why this family live never was and that's difficult too as it brings back painful memories and more sadness and also some anger. Yet the feeling of missing him does disappear then, because I indeed am missing a fantasy brother, the real brother is not someone I miss. The thing is, my mother and older sister are uBPD, my brother however is not. He is narcissistic and is a totally different entity. Except for like the first 3 or 4 years of my life, I have never experienced my brother as a pleasant person to be around.

So yeah, those dreams... .the Board Parrot can relate!

[zachira]

Yes, I sometimes dream about my relatives with BPD. For years, I had terrible nightmares and insomnia. After years of therapy, I no longer have insomnia or nightmares, though I occasionally dream about a BPD family member, and I recover pretty quickly unlike before when I woke up feeling sheer terror.
Can you tell us more about how you felt about dreaming about your sister and how you feel right now?
Keep us posted on how you are doing.  

[JNChell]

Hi, Pina Colada. I can relate to you and the others on this thread. I’ve had dreams about my parents at times, but they weren’t dreams of a nice version of them. They’ve been rather disturbing. I really noticed them spiking after things got really bad with my Son’s mother. I believe she has many traits of BPD/NPD. I’m glad that you started this thread. It has me thinking. I wonder if I started having those dreams because my C-PTSD was triggered, bringing that childhood trauma back to the surface and the dreams are part of my mind and body remembering the trauma. I know that sounds a little out there, but I wonder.

Anyway, it never felt very good waking up from those. The dreams ended not long after the relationship with S3’s mom ended. Do you think that these dreams can somehow be triggered? That maybe they’re not always just random?

[Pina colada]

Hi and thank you for your replies.  My summer is coming to an end as I work in a school so I won't be able to check as often as I like but I will!  JNChell I do think dreams are triggered by our past trauma, conscious or unconscious.  I have seeing my therapist often as I am off during the summer, like I mentioned and we are working on my inner child trauma.  My sister was a big player in my childhood suffering so I do feel it triggered my unconscious .Kwamima I think the feelings stayed with me longer in the day because I am off and had more time to think about it.  I also was able to remind myself I am missing the false self of my sister, not whom she is truly, at least to me.  Learning2Thrive... .XOXO thank you for your kind thoughts!  Zachira I have had dreams too that left me feeling sheer terror, so I am sorry you felt that way.  Now I am back to just healing and living a life with a "different" kind of family.  It helps to come here and see we are not so unusual, those of us that ar NC orLC with family especially when it is not by our choice!