Need to learn Dialectic Behavior Therapy techniques

[Talk2Her]

My adult daughter (39) who lives with me (plus her son - age 13 and her daughter age 9) exhibits two of the BPD criteria and I am struggling with the pain that I feel regularly from her words and the example that her children are seeing when she disrespects me.

Also living in my home is my handicapped 65 year old nephew; I am his guardian and caregiver.  He has said to my daughter, "I don't like the way you talk to your Mother".  Even with his low level of functioning, he can recognize that it is wrong. 

I have read extensively on BPD and narcissism and can see that my daughter is emotionally disregulated and has been so for most of her life.  There have been brief periods where she is better but that is not the norm.  She can control her behavior -- when she chooses to do so -- meaning there is a public and a private personality.   

If I can learn the Dialectic Behavior Therapy skill set for communication, perhaps I can shift things in a more respectful direction.  I just need to hear a lot of folks using the techniques and talking smartly.  Thanks.
  :hi:

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Feeling Better]

Hello Talk2Her,

I would like to welcome you here, I am so sorry to hear that you are struggling with the pain you feel from your daughter’s words and that she disrespects you in front of your grandchildren. How heartbreaking that must be for you 
It sounds like you need to put some healthy boundaries in place, bearing in mind that boundaries are for your own protection. We have a section on boundaries to the right 
Under TOOLS, 5th one down, Communicate Boundaries & Limits

You say that your adult daughter and her two children plus your handicapped 65 year old nephew to whom you are the caregiver all live with you, you certainly have a lot on your plate. Do you have any support in place? Do you receive any help in looking after your nephew?

Talk2Her, you say that you want to learn the DBT skill set for communication, you will find those skills here. Along with boundaries which I previously pointed you to, you will find validation tools, S.E.T. and other valuable tools to the right 

You will also find reading and posting in other members’ threads to be a great source of help and support. I look forward to hearing more from you x