What should I do when she’s cold and numb

[jukeboxhero]

I know that we should use validation when the pwBPD is upset and dysregulating. However, what should I do when it’s the opposite, she’s cold and numb? I’ve experienced on a few occasions when she has a very flattened affect. She’ll let me kiss her hello or goodbye, but it’s like kissing a dead fish.

She was this way my first time seeing her after her move back to the area. She acknowledged this “numbness” and attributed it to the stress of the move.

So, what should I do in this situation? If I ask her about this behavior, she’ll most likely just lie about the reason. As far as I know, she’s unaware that she’s BPD. Perhaps she’s dissociating?

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[CryWolf]

Sometimes it’s best to give space and time. She may need to just be alone. Let her know you’re there for her and that if she needs time alone you understand.

Let her know you’re there so she doesn’t feel alone but also give her the space and time to process her emotions and feelings. It’s counter intuitive. And difficult because you want to love and support the person whose in crisis.

[once removed]

we shouldnt necessarily use validation when someone is upset and dysregulating. it can come off as condescending.

it really helps to see validation as a life skill, and in that sense, its easier to approach it from a stand point of "not being invalidating". when someone comes at me, calls me a jerk or worse, i dont validate them. i focus on not escalating the conflict. in the same way, if i punched you in the face, you wouldnt ask me "whats wrong?".

likewise, if shes cold and numb, and youre kissing a dead fish, its just a clear sign not to do it.