spirituality and faith

[empath]

In my case, my faith has been both a source of strength and an area of abuse. My uBPDh and I were leaders in our faith community when he became physically abusive to me and some of the incidents occurred at our place of worship. I was forced out by the leadership. During the darkest times, I would spend time with God, pouring out my thoughts and emotions.

The faith community hired a new leader who has some strong narcissistic tendencies which combined with my h's BPD tendencies. I was seen as the one with the problem and as the wife, I was to submit. Of course, the leadership didn't talk with me directly and took h's word as the truth. I've been told to worship elsewhere by their former leader and now by their current leader. I did and found a community of people who have experienced spiritual abuse.

One of the aspects that came up repeatedly in h's complaints about me was that I wasn't worshiping with him. He knew that I was told to worship elsewhere, and he was on staff at his faith community. Eventually, he resigned from that part time job, saying that he didn't leave the community with me. He is still at the same faith community. He would tell me that God says that I had to worship with him and that our marriage wouldn't be healed unless we were worshiping together.

[Turkish]

That's horrible,  empath.  What happened to widows, orphans, and "the least of these," those who are suffering? Shame on those who abused you or enabled it.

[babyducks]

I am sorry empath,   I know how horrible that must have been for you.   I too got that 'you can't worship here'  and the 'you have to worship differently, you must worship as I tell you' from my pwBPD.    the leadership I dealt with was very invalidating, and also accepted my Ex's version of events.     

I am glad you found a new spiritual home among people who can understand.

[Educated_Guess]

In my case, my faith has been both a source of strength and an area of abuse. My uBPDh and I were leaders in our faith community when he became physically abusive to me and some of the incidents occurred at our place of worship. I was forced out by the leadership. During the darkest times, I would spend time with God, pouring out my thoughts and emotions.

One of the aspects that came up repeatedly in h's complaints about me was that I wasn't worshiping with him. He knew that I was told to worship elsewhere, and he was on staff at his faith community. Eventually, he resigned from that part time job, saying that he didn't leave the community with me. He is still at the same faith community. He would tell me that God says that I had to worship with him and that our marriage wouldn't be healed unless we were worshiping together.

Oh my goodness, empath, I am so sorry you experienced this.  This kind of behavior is not of God.  You just have to look at the example of Jesus.  Did he kick anyone out of worshiping with him?  Jesus purposefully went to those who were considered unclean or somehow unworthy of worshiping in the Temple.  Jesus went to the marginalized, the abused and the outcast - those were his people.  And I think we are still His people today.

My church community is also full of people who have experienced spiritual abuse.  I have heard so many stories of people who have been hurt by the church or church leadership.  I am so glad that you were able to find a faith community who validate you and your experience!

As for your h's complaint, it sounds like he is giving you a no-win situation.  You cannot return to the church that cast you out and you cannot heal the marriage with out returning to that church.  It certainly is a convenient way to make it seem like it is all your fault. 

My question for him would be if worshiping together means attending the same church.  After all, "where two or more are gathered in my name... .".   Worship doesn't have to happen only in a church building.  It could be a way to use logic and scripture to disarm this weapon he is using against you.

[Insom]

Hi, babyducks. 

how did yoga raise those memories and then allow you to process them?

I began an intense phase of remembering (in dreams and while awake) in 2015/2016-ish after starting a yoga practice that created sensation in areas of my body that felt cut off due to trauma.

Have you heard the adage, "your issues are in your tissues?"  It's hard for me to articulate what happened/is happening with my healing becasue it's still in process but if you're interested in exploring more I'd recommend Peter Levine's trauma book, Waking the Tiger.

“Trauma is not what happens to us, but what we hold inside in the absence of an empathetic witness.”
― Peter A. Levine

[empath]

Thanks, Turkish and EG. One of the aspects of my faith that has kept me "in" is the idea that Jesus was regularly threatened by the religious leaders of his time.

'Ducks, I'm sorry you experienced the spiritual abuse from your faith community; it is very painful and can be another source of trauma. I have a friend who sometimes has panic attacks at church now because of the spiritual abuse she suffered.