I'm new here and still trying to understand BPD... .but this line indicates your issue. And I know it because I have the same issue. Speaking from my own experience, it's easy for affection from someone else to become an addiction. I sought validation as a man through the way that someone else made me feel. And once an already troubled woman feels responsibility for someone else's feelings too, then an intense resentment is inevitable. This is the biggest reason why my wife is divorcing me.
But I have no intention of chasing her. It will only harm me.
Now, through therapy, groups, and good male friends, I'm learning to find that validation within myself. Dude - you deserve better than a toxic relationship where it is impossible for your needs to get met. Healthy women exist. Healthy relationships exist. I am determined to get one myself... .but I gotta be single for a while and work on myself first. Part of the problem is that I am attracted to women who have issues. That's gotta stop. That's not the kind of woman I deserve.
But to get there, I gotta work through my issues.
We could be having the same life. I feel exactly the same as you. I feel a strong need to be validated vicariously through a woman. I think this was born from childhood issues with narcissistic parents.
Thanks for sharing
