Amy Winehouse , BPD and my DD18

[Yepanotherone]

So myself , my BPD DD 18 and my husband watched the Amy Winehouse movie last night and my husband asked if Amy was bipolar . I had read in many articles that Amy was undiagnosed BPD so I voiced that.

As we watched the movie , my DD piped up “ yep , definitely BPD. The signs are all there Mum , de-railing  after the break up of her relationship, unstable and toxic, volatile relationships , self destruction , substance abuse , self harm , eating disorders... classic BPD. Poor Amy “

My DD and her insight never fails to amaze me ... it’s probably what has helped her to heal. Recognizing her symptoms ,understanding them , accepting them and dealing with them one by one .

I would say insight and acceptance is pivotal in healing from this condition .

Any thoughts ?

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Kwamina]

Hi Yepanotherone

I would say insight and acceptance is pivotal in healing from this condition .

Any thoughts ?

I totally agree with what you say here. BPD is a very challenging disorder, but if the person is able to have insight into their own behavior and how it affects others, accept their issues and commit to working on them, that does open the door to healing and unlocks the possibility of brighter days ahead.

It's great that your daughter has been able to make this progress

[wendydarling]

My DD and her insight never fails to amaze me ... it’s probably what has helped her to heal. Recognizing her symptoms ,understanding them , accepting them and dealing with them one by one .

I would say insight and acceptance is pivotal in healing from this condition .

Absolutely Yep  , exactly the healing journey my DD has been on, and yes insight and acceptance is pivotal. Your lovely DD is right on it. What's happening in her life today?

I'd add to that as parents, what ever our situation we stand by them in the most of difficult times, we love them, they may not feel it when in crisis. Connecting with them is key LESSONS: What can a parent do?

Yep my dear, you are amazing, after the horrors you've been through since we joined 2016, you did it, got your girl back. Small gentle steps forwards, I've learnt to take it slowly at her pace, she's in the driving seat. It's her responsibility.

A close family friend helped run Amy's foundation till this year, it's good to connect with your DD, sending our love and understanding to your beautiful DD.  

You said a while ago good for my DD kicking BPD on the ass, back to your DD she's kicked the ass of BPD and is finding her good way forwards. Love it.

WDx  

[Yepanotherone]

We are actually on vacation right now WD , myself , my husband and my BPd DD... .all cooped up in an RV for over a week now !

I won’t lie , I was anxious about this , wondering how we’d cope living in each others pockets , but we’ve had a lovely time . I feel like I’ve bonded again with my DD and give her her due , she’s been very tolerant of her dad and I ! We can squabble a lot , particularly when tired !

I’ve been added back onto my DD ‘s instagram this week , having been blocked over the last 3 years ... progress indeed ! Lol

My DD also blurted out “ love you Mum “ this past week , I’ve had spontaneous hugs , and she has just today made a wee Facebook “ tribute “ to us , her mum and dad , thanking us for giving her so many life experiences and that she loves us . Be still my beating heart . Words I thought were dead and gone forever from her lips .

[Lollypop]

Hi Yep

insight and acceptance is pivotal in healing

Totally agree.

But how to get that insight and acceptance - really hard when there’s so much noise going on in the relationships?

WD is right What Can Parents Do? - it starts with focussing on the relationship above everything else. That’s THE most important thing in my mind.

The knock on affect is that they are less negatively emotional in your presence and with consistent and persistent steadfast loving in the right way they start to listen and actually so do we.

Allowing you in to her social media is a big deal!  I remember not knowing if I should “like” or not.  She’s let you in!

Give yourself a massive pat on the back Yep. We took a family vacation to Cali on a road trip and I think there’s nothing quite like it to strengthen bonds.  What an amazing feeling you've got there right now 

Hugs
LP

[wendydarling]

My DD also blurted out “ love you Mum “ this past week, I’ve had spontaneous hugs, and she has just today made a wee Facebook “ tribute “ to us , her mum and dad , thanking us for giving her so many life experiences and that she loves us . Be still my beating heart . Words I thought were dead and gone forever from her lips .

Woah how beautiful Yep!   Your DD feels your love and expressing hers to you both privately and publicly with gratitude and kindness, how proud are you right now!   The taming of BPD. 

But how to get that insight and acceptance - really hard when there’s so much noise going on in the relationships?

WD is right What Can Parents Do? - it starts with focussing on the relationship above everything else. That’s THE most important thing in my mind.

The knock on affect is that they are less negatively emotional in your presence and with consistent and persistent steadfast loving in the right way they start to listen and actually so do we.

So true LP.

Yep, look forward to hearing more from you. 

WDx

[Daisy123]

Hello Yep,
It is soo good to read good news on this board. You and your daughter have a wonderful relationship. How did these amazing changes occur?
Enjoy your vacation!
Thanks for sharing,
(()
Daisy

[Yepanotherone]

LP , it’s so very true what you say about the relationship being core to somehow facilitating the development of that acceptance and insight.  And when in crisis , it’s hard for the sufferer to have that in amongst all the noise . My DD has always said that she’s not aware of what she is saying and doing and how hurtful it is when she’s dysregulated , but after the fact, she can look back on it and see what was going on .  LP I know you can see our pictures on Facebook and I’ve sent you a couple of pics of when my DD was at her worst . She’s simply a different girl .

Daisy , I’m going to put some thought into your question because I know it might help other Moms . In some ways , I do believe my DD has done most of the work herself to get to where she is now , but I also appreciate that we did change our environment and relationship dynamics at home to try and support her to make the changes she needed to make .
I think one of the turning points for my DD was when she gave herself a seizure and was taken into ER . That was back in May 2017 . She was going to a graduation party with a friend , they had gone into a Chinese restaurant to get some food before going to the party . My DD was on probation at the time with weekly drug testing and so was trying to steer clear of anything that would stay in her system for too long . My DD had therefore taken some Benadryl to try and get a “ benzie Trip” high for the party , but instead she had a seizure in the middle of the restaurant and frightened her friend to death ! Her friend called me In tears and I drove like a wild thing to the restaurant just in time to see my DD being loaded into the ambulance . On this occasion , she was taken into ER ( her 8th ER visit in 18 months ) and was told that because of her suicide overdose attempts in the past , she’s likely damaged her liver and her body can’t deal with the toxicity of substance abuse anymore , hence why her body went into seizure . I think that it took giving her friend a real scare , together with realizing the extent of harm and abuse she’s inflicted upon her body , to decide that things needed to change .

Before my DD became very ill , I did have a good relationship with her and that’s why it was such a shock when she completely turned against us . I had always thought we were a strong family of 4 and I took it really hard that she turned so terribly , particularly towards me .

I’ll put some thought into what I consciously did in efforts to change our dynamics and to improve our relationship during those years when she was like the demon from the exorcist ! I’ll list them here later