My daughter is homeless again.

[Hyacinth Bucket]

Hi Jones,

I'm so sorry, that is so so stressful. It's so scary to not know where they are or what they're doing.

Please don't blame yourself. She is unfortunately going to do what she wants. You deserve a vacation and I have no doubt that the same thing would have happened regardless of where you were/what you were doing. I am wondering though, what you wish you had said to her. If you want to share, that is.

It feels impossible sometimes to tell these kids how we really feel. I rarely did with my daughter, and it never went well. It didn't seem to matter what dbt skills I tried using or how I phrased things.

I hope you're taking good care of yourself.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[jones54]

Thanks Daisy and HB. I did find out she was again kicked out of the Halfway house again for not doing her chores. She hated it there and it does not surprise me she made the impulsive move by taking a bus to Florida. She always talked about leaving in the past to Florida but never thought she would do it. I have not contacted her other than a text last night explaining I did not block her texts and missed her. No mention that I knew she was in Florida. For some reason we are supposed to not know (got this from her friend who told us). It will come out sooner or later. She has never moved this far away but since we would not support her here, it was either the homeless shelter, another motel here or go to Florida. I wish she would have told us of her plans but we have not had much communication with her. She has so few resources there and feel she will run out of money and live on the streets. Hoping she will find a job. We were told by a therapist last year that if she did make this move and ran out of money then asked for help to do nothing for her (very hard to do this). I just feel we have tried everything (helping her, letting her crash with no help) and nothing seems to work. HB, I agree that writing to her to explain why we did what we did probably will be of no help but I think I just need to do this for myself. I see my therapist this afternoon and will hopefully get some recommendations. Deep down, I want to tell her to please come home and I would let her stay with me till she got her feet back on the ground but know this probably would not make a difference (and my girlfriend said she would not support this in any way). I am hoping and praying she stays sober and will at least let us know how she is doing but I have to be aware she is probably is not in the mood to communicate with us. I am not sure what else I can do and this is what is so frustrating. Very hard to just have acceptance in a situation such as this.

[wendydarling]

jones, I'm so very sorry your daughter was kicked out of the half way house again for not doing her chores and has made her way to Florida, she's always said she wanted to go there, what's the pull?

It is hard, it's very hard to let them go, it's the way they learn.

Despite leaving the halfway house, can you see what she has learnt by you changing your approach and not rescuing her?

Was your therapist helpful?

WDx

[Hyacinth Bucket]

Coincidentally my daughter also wants/plans to move to Florida. We are in a similar situation, having to not help her at all. It is really difficult but like you I feel like we have tried everything.

Did you end up writing a letter?