charm attempt?

[allbymyself7]

5 weeks ago, I called her out after I had found out she was dating someone as soon as she discarded me (I was her soulmate, the love of her life, then devalued and discarded).
We had a phone conversation where she broke down crying and essentially she admitted to having BPD.
She then said she was sorry that she couldn’t have a future with me and wished me well, then she blocked me from texting and Instagram.

5 weeks later, I post pictures on social media with another woman while
I’m on vacation. She can fully well see my pictures on Facebook, but decides to unblock me from Instagram. A few hours later, she makes her profile public (which I’m assuming is her wanting me to see her pictures). From what I can tell, she is no longer with the person she left me for.

I called her out on this and her response was that she didn’t mean to send mixed messages, she just was curious to see my travels with someone and to see my happiness. She apologized for all the hurt she caused.

I told her she had some nerve, as she was not concerned about my happiness when she was devaluating me, discarding me, and then running to someone else. I told her she truly did some damage to my heart and that I believe that I was not the only one she had done this to, but for me, I believed she was “the one”.
No response.

Then she made her profile private again.

Last night, she made her profile public, and this morning, it went back to private.

I know I shouldn’t be watching her craziness, but in some ways, it makes me realize how truly unstable she is.

Is this a classic charm attempt? What is she trying to gain by unblocking me if she doesn’t want to be with me?

[allbymyself7]

Is she stalking? Jealous?

[Harley Quinn]

How would you feel if she were jealous?  What are your feelings towards her at present?  I say at present as you'll likely still have shifts in the way you view things as time passes.

To be fair, it sounds as though you're both keeping an eye on one another.  I don't partake in SM so all the blocking, unblocking, friending, unfriending is beyond me and I can't relate to how these things have meaning.  It could be for any number of reasons.  What's most important is where you're at right now and what you want to do.

Love and light x

[Cromwell]

as long as I was under full control, isolated, my ex was happy but then did her own thing; cheating.

the minute I split up and got attention from other women, I couldnt stop her contacting, even  asking me how things went, I told her none of her business, her reply was; "I was just wanting to show an interest"

allbymyself, she will just be reading it to compare and contrast herself with the girl you met on holiday - its not about you its about her own issues. Your still showing her hurt, and anger, which is an emotional attachment, so she knows she still has a hook in, and her unblocking/blocking/unbocking, wether intentional or not, it worked to get a reaction.

She might be alone at the moment but I call this just "testing the market", see what the situation is with you, as she will be doing elsewhere too.

[allbymyself7]

Harley Quinn: I think a part of me (the ego) would feel satisfied if she were jealous.
Given the fact that I was beyond devastated and destroyed when I had found out she was with someone else within days of her discarding me (I had been on a job interview in her city 1500 miles away and was planning on relocating to be with her).
I had never felt such betrayal and dishonesty in my life.
So yes, as much as 2 wrongs don’t make a right, I hoped she would feel something when she saw my pictures with someone else.

Regardless, despite knowing the fact that this woman is completely unhealthy and unstable, I struggle to let go.

We had a wonderful relationship and she told me I was so good for her because of my calm, patient, nature. She believed I was made for her.
Hearing this on a consistent basis, I never thought she would leave.

She did leave - without empathy or remorse.
She even told me she wasn’t heartbroken or in love with me anymore.
And, even so, she still continues to creep despite her feeling nothing toward me - which evokes the torment inside me.
She even says she is pleased to see me happy with someone else (which is mind boggling to me since she was extremely jealous when we were together).

I don’t feel strong enough to block her (she hasn’t blocked me yet after unblocking me a few days ago). I still love her but I despise her for what she’s done to my heart - if that makes sense?

Is it wise if I ask her to block me?

[Mutt]

Hi allbymyself7,

Is it wise if I ask her to block me?

I know that it's hard to see or believe that someone that we were so close to are afflicted with a serious mental illness. As much as we care for that person we can't change their neural pathways we can implement things like NC and boundaries, Unfortunately it has to be the emotionally healthy person to make the choice.

[Circle]

Allbymyself7,
I hear how devastated you are.
Have definitely been there myself.
Counseling was so beneficial to me at that point.
One thing I learned from such an intense experience, which of course changed me, was how to not get too attached right away and then hurt so bad.
I recently lost another partner, who was completely my type and I loved.
It hurt, yet not quite as much.
In a way, you are going through a major learning experience.
People who have not lost in this way are without some important relationship knowledge.
You are learning how to be a survivor of love.
Hang in there!
I am sorry this is so difficult.
I am glad you are becoming free of this person.

[Harley Quinn]

Hi allbymyself,

How are you doing?

She even says she is pleased to see me happy with someone else (which is mind boggling to me since she was extremely jealous when we were together).

Are you in a new r/s?  Or did she see you with a female friend?  I'm wondering if your posting something showing yourself looking happy with another woman was a strategic move, whether consciously or otherwise. 

I don’t feel strong enough to block her (she hasn’t blocked me yet after unblocking me a few days ago). I still love her but I despise her for what she’s done to my heart - if that makes sense?

It makes total sense.  Feelings of pain don't eliminate feelings of love.  If they did there would be precious few of us here going through the difficult process of detaching and healing.  The fact that there is still love there for the person that hurt us is what makes the whole thing feel so tough, and confusing.  It can also be the reason for (sometimes many) painful recycles.  This stuff is hard. 

Is it wise if I ask her to block me?

I'm in agreement with Mutt on this.  Putting your emotional wellbeing in the hands of another is not recommended.  I would add that this could come over as a way to let her know you are struggling and unable to stop yourself from contacting her or looking at her information.  It may seem like a fairly transparent way to start up a dialogue about where you're both at regards your r/s.  Do you think that is your underlying motivation?  Sometimes we have to ask ourselves these tough questions when our emotions are calling the shots.
 
The above aside, giving her the 'power' to decide whether or not you are emotionally safe runs the risk of her abusing that power and causing you further turmoil.  We can only control what we do.  You know that looking at her SM or being contacted by her impacts you negatively.  What can you do to take a healthier approach than contacting her to ask her to block you? 

Love and light x