First post

[Parents! Get help here!]

Hi

I have a 21 year old daughter.

She has always been highly sensitive.  She could read teachers inferences well beyond her years and and always wanted the “nice “ teacher.  She often read into things I felt,  I found myself saying “ that’s not what they meant “

High School was hell,  her sensitivity skyrocketed and she would accuse my husband and I of being so awful if we wanted her home at a certain time. She would often defy us and come home when she wanted, and accuse us of being controlling.  That led to more issues of concern, especially when we would confront her about any issue.  Her response could range from yelling to throwing heavy objects, shoving even hitting.  This was odd because she is conversely very gentle and sweet... .?

She has issues with self care and that is odd because she also loves fashion and beauty. 

She has big goals and statements,  “I am going to be a famous actress”, but never signs up for acting.  She actually wants to move to NYC to be famous, but doesn’t know at what.

She has self-defined herself as a pathological liar.

She often decides an outcome before she has even attempted to do something,  I won’t get in, I won’t get the job etc.

If she feels challenged in ANY way, I see her become agitated.  “do you want to get some exercise today.”  She will respond that I am controlling, and that I think she is fat, or that I want her out of the house.

She came home from college 1.5 years ago after I found she was pretending to go to class but hiding in her apartment.

Now... .If I try to talk about college she flys off the handle and says I am stressing Her out. 

She rarely leaves the house, sleeps till noon, stays up all night, and is just getting harder and harder to be around.  Mostly because she appears to be be giving up.  I find alcohol bottles in her room, and she just stays in it eats junk food, and watches things on her computer.   This is weird because she is so well liked, she is absolutely gorgeous, people want to be around her, but she is shut off. She is very fun and interesting, smart articulate.  What is going on.?

Treatment has consisted of 5 doctors all whom she sat and lied to or thought was stupid.

She has been told she was bi-polar, also adhd, depressed,anxiety.

I went to a DBT family workshop last weekend and it appears that my daughter. More resembles BP traits than anything else we have been told.

Highly sensitive
Mood swings
Loves me then hates me
Impulsive
Distorts conversations and incidents
Emotional

She doesn’t want to see another doctor and I don’t want to tell her I suspect BPD.

I have been practicing validation,  this seems to be a good tool, she asked me why I was being so nice!

Not sure who I am writing to.  Sorry it’s so long.

[Freeradical]

Hi

I have a 21 year old daughter.

She has always been highly sensitive.  She could read teachers inferences well beyond her years and and always wanted the “nice “ teacher.  She often read into things I felt,  I found myself saying “ that’s not what they meant “

High School was hell,  her sensitivity skyrocketed and she would accuse my husband and I of being so awful if we wanted her home at a certain time. She would often defy us and come home when she wanted, and accuse us of being controlling.  That led to more issues of concern, especially when we would confront her about any issue.  Her response could range from yelling to throwing heavy objects, shoving even hitting.  This was odd because she is conversely very gentle and sweet... .?

She has issues with self care and that is odd because she also loves fashion and beauty. 

She has big goals and statements,  “I am going to be a famous actress”, but never signs up for acting.  She actually wants to move to NYC to be famous, but doesn’t know at what.

She has self-defined herself as a pathological liar.

She often decides an outcome before she has even attempted to do something,  I won’t get in, I won’t get the job etc.

If she feels challenged in ANY way, I see her become agitated.  “do you want to get some exercise today.”  She will respond that I am controlling, and that I think she is fat, or that I want her out of the house.

She came home from college 1.5 years ago after I found she was pretending to go to class but hiding in her apartment.

Now... .If I try to talk about college she flys off the handle and says I am stressing Her out. 

She rarely leaves the house, sleeps till noon, stays up all night, and is just getting harder and harder to be around.  Mostly because she appears to be be giving up.  I find alcohol bottles in her room, and she just stays in it eats junk food, and watches things on her computer.   This is weird because she is so well liked, she is absolutely gorgeous, people want to be around her, but she is shut off. She is very fun and interesting, smart articulate.  What is going on.?

Treatment has consisted of 5 doctors all whom she sat and lied to or thought was stupid.

She has been told she was bi-polar, also adhd, depressed,anxiety.

I went to a DBT family workshop last weekend and it appears that my daughter. More resembles BP traits than anything else we have been told.

Highly sensitive
Mood swings
Loves me then hates me
Impulsive
Distorts conversations and incidents
Emotional

She doesn’t want to see another doctor and I don’t want to tell her I suspect BPD.

I have been practicing validation,  this seems to be a good tool, she asked me why I was being so nice!

Not sure who I am writing to.  Sorry it’s so long.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Harley Quinn]

Hi  

Welcome to the site.

She rarely leaves the house, sleeps till noon, stays up all night, and is just getting harder and harder to be around.  Mostly because she appears to be be giving up.  I find alcohol bottles in her room, and she just stays in it eats junk food, and watches things on her computer.   This is weird because she is so well liked, she is absolutely gorgeous, people want to be around her, but she is shut off. She is very fun and interesting, smart articulate.  What is going on.?

 

It's great that you found us and thank you for sharing about your daughter.  She sounds like a really wonderful young lady and it must be very hard for you to see her have these struggles.     Are you taking good care of yourself also?  It's important to look after our own needs and continue to do the things we benefit from, in order to have the strength and patience that is required to help our loved ones.

I want to commend you on seeking out information and support for yourself.  So many of us arrive here feeling like we're at our wit's end and have previously not known which way to turn.  There is support here from others who can relate to your situation and give you the benefit of their experience.  I'm sure you'll hear from many other parents and it helps to join other discussions too.  We all pick up things from one another and often inspiration can come from someone else's situation.

You've clearly been researching (practising validation is a really positive step, as you've found) and getting involved in the DBT family workshop sounds like a fantastic initiative on your part.  What do you feel you learned that was of most value to you, after of course recognising signs that seem to fit your daughter?  The site here also has a great deal of information and I hope you will find the Lessons and Tools helpful and gain additional ways to relate to your daughter and support her.

I'll look forward to reading more of your posts and the other replies you receive.  You're in the right place.  There is help here.

Love and light x      

[wendydarling]

Hello Freeradical  

I join HQ welcoming you. I   your name. I'm a parent and recognise, relate to much of what you share here with us, though not the physical you describe, throwing, hitting. Is this in the past Freeradical?

It sounds like your DD is stressed out, she's withdrawn from life, she's 'caring' for herself in her bedroom, yes? It's her Sanctuary, though unhealthy at this time, she is safe, she's home.

Good for you learning how important validation is, what our sensitive children need. My daughter shared with me double up the validation Mum, akin to your daughter.

Your daughter is sharing a lot with you, reaching out and that is positive. It's good.

My DD was so relieved to receive a BPD diagnosis at 26, and a pathway to treatment where she was able to help herself. This is not always the case, our children can be resistant, we find another way, the work many parents do here and with support get to a better place by reaching out and connecting, focusing on building the relationship, using the skills, tools, lessons here.

Is your DD in touch with any friends?

What's your greatest concern right now?

Welcome on board, we've got you!  

WDx