He suddenly deleted all his social media accounts

[blooming]

My ex deleted his twitter, strava and facebook account in the past days (he doesn't have instagram or something), so he's basically gone from social media. I really don't understand how he would do such a thing. Any ideas?

[spero]

My ex deleted his twitter, strava and facebook account in the past days (he doesn't have instagram or something), so he's basically gone from social media. I really don't understand how he would do such a thing. Any ideas?

Hi there blooming,

How are you doing these days? When did you find about this? Has he been reaching out to you?
I'm curious as to why this would be of concern for you. I'm not in anyway approaching this from any point of judgement making, but rather, i'm curious why you did it, and how it is making you feel right now after this realisation. Takecare and hope that you're keeping better.

Yours,
Spero

[Chitchat]

How did he use social media? How many friends did he have?

[blooming]

Hi there blooming,

How are you doing these days? When did you find about this? Has he been reaching out to you?
I'm curious as to why this would be of concern for you. I'm not in anyway approaching this from any point of judgement making, but rather, i'm curious why you did it, and how it is making you feel right now after this realisation. Takecare and hope that you're keeping better.

Yours,
Spero

Hi Spero!

Nice to hear from you. My life has ups and downs, sometimes I feel a little better (when I'm with friends and busy), but I also feel very sad a lot of the time (mostly when I'm alone). I now have a psychotherapist and yesterday she gave me the diagnosis of a depression. I also have some issues I need to work on, I have some symptoms of avoidant and dependent personality disorder and also some of social anxiety disorder.

I found out about it yesterday because I still sometimes check his social media accounts (although he used to have everything on private/wasn't active at all so I couldn't really find out anything). He has actually reached out to me a few weeks ago, I made a topic about it here https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=329399.0. During that conversation he asked me to go to a concert together to which we had separately bought tickets back in March. That concert is this Friday. He also congratulated me on my birthday this Monday, but in a very cold way and with no room for any sort of conversation.

I think it's just curiosity from me as to why he suddenly deleted all those accounts. Why now? Why all of them at once? I think it's kind of a weird move. Also when he still had Strava I saw that he had run in another city multiple times and there was no reason for him to do that other then that his new girlfriend lives there. So that wasn't very nice to find out. I really hope he won't talk about her tomorrow.

[blooming]

How did he use social media? How many friends did he have?

He was very active on strava, always tracking all of his exercise. On facebook he sometimes tagged his friends in posts and he used it to discover new artists and find out when they're in the area for a concert. I don't know how many friends he had because his friend list is set on private.

[BasementDweller]

Hi Blooming,

I'm sorry to hear you have been struggling with depression and some anxiety related issues. What kind of things have you been doing to try to get some sort of relief?

Re: deleting social media accounts, I have done this when I am under stress and don't really feel much like being communicative. When I was at the pinnacle of my stress with my BPD ex, I deleted all my accounts too. Turns out I don't miss them, so I never restarted any of them.

[spero]

I now have a psychotherapist and yesterday she gave me the diagnosis of a depression. I also have some issues I need to work on, I have some symptoms of avoidant and dependent personality disorder and also some of social anxiety disorder.

How often are you seeing your therapist? I hope you're keeping this up regularly. Wow, looks like  you have some number of things to work on from the sessions as mentioned by your T. How different do you think things would be after you worked out those issues. While these are items pointed out by your T, what is one thing you are working on right now? or at least intend to or have the intention to?

I found out about it yesterday because I still sometimes check his social media accounts (although he used to have everything on private/wasn't active at all so I couldn't really find out anything). 

Have you sat down with your T and shared about your curiosity / concern about how your ex is doing. Has your T given you some action plan if he should continue reaching out to you?

He also congratulated me on my birthday this Monday, but in a very cold way and with no room for any sort of conversation.

How does that make you feel, especially when the greeting is cold and devoid of conversation.

I think it's just curiosity from me as to why he suddenly deleted all those accounts. Why now? Why all of them at once? I think it's kind of a weird move. Also when he still had Strava I saw that he had run in another city multiple times and there was no reason for him to do that other then that his new girlfriend lives there.

Have you thought about the motivation behind your curiosity? I suppose that might be something to discuss with your T.

I really hope he won't talk about her tomorrow.

I don't know if you can stop him from talking about your ex's new GF, i suppose im more concerned about how that makes you feel blooming. I do sense that this person still means something to you and you're perhaps you miss him. Yet i am also very concerned what meeting him tomorrow would possibly do to you with all the above mentioned about your depression and meeting him in this state tomorrow?

I had a period where my uBPDexGF kept going on about her ex, and it came to the final straw when i had no other choice but to go no contact. I still miss her, and i suppose alot of members would say the same. But it was cruelty for me to want a relationship with her knowing that she couldnt handle it and it was probably going to throw her into more distress. It was traumatic for me, to see her doing loving things to her ex infront of me. One can only imagine the betrayal i felt at the deepest core of my being. I suppose its it would be similar should he talk about his new GF infront of you.  I didn't walk away immediately, it took me 2 months to completely decide that neither of us should continue this way. I realised my presence contributed and perpetuated an unhealthy behaviour which was first hurting me, and me giving up all sense of my own self respect, and second it was also hurting her.

I'm sharing this with you, blooming. That was how i truly felt, and i was avoiding / ignoring it for a long time hoping she would see the light. Hoping that she would see that i am "better". But i realised, it wasnt about me ever. It was all about her own needs and wants. (be it healthy or unhealthy, because she doesn't know better) all she knew blooming was how to "use" others. That gave me an insight to how she saw people and how she saw herself. She wanted to be "used" by me as well. I refused to see her that way. So well, that's what it was for me, to take ownership. To want myself to be better. I slip in and out of depressive states. I don't think i'll hit the diagnosis for full clinical depression. But it does get me down sometimes. Takeheart, be kind to yourself and don't give up being in therapy. It will be a process very much beneficial to improving your mental well being.

Yours,
Spero.

[Enabler]

I really don't understand how he would do such a thing. Any ideas?

It could be just as simple as him deciding all of a sudden that social media is big and bad, that it was 'the' reason for all his unhappiness and he decided to have a 'life change' as pwBPD do which would lead to his eternal happiness.

pwBPD tend to feel like they are a function of everything else, they are controlled by everyone and everything around them, they are just floating in the wind. In this mindset, there is a tendency to look and isolate 'things' (people, objects, situations) that 'cause' their unhappiness and reject them. Alas the improvements tend to be short lived as they soon find themselves in a similarly unhappy position... .since you can't run from yourself.

Or it could be for any other reasonable, rational, unreasonable or irrational reason.

Keep working on you, so you can raise you eyes and look up and out.

Enabler x

[Chitchat]

How did the concert go?

[Harley Quinn]

Hi Blooming,

It's nice to see you.  I've been wondering how you are.  Great to hear you've got the support of a T now!  Good on you for helping yourself in this way.   

I'll second Chitchat's question.  What has happened since you last posted?  Do you intend to remain in contact with him whilst you work with your T on feeling better? 

Love and light x

[blooming]

How did the concert go?

I'll second Chitchat's question.  What has happened since you last posted?  Do you intend to remain in contact with him whilst you work with your T on feeling better?

Thank you for thinking of me! The concert went okay I guess? We met up half an hour before the support act started and left straight after the main act was finished. We talked mostly about him because I was the one asking questions like "how are you doing with that and how is that friend of yours doing" and he didn't really ask those questions in return. It hurts that he wasn't interested in knowing how I was doing. Last time we spoke was at the end of August and then I told him that I wasn't doing well and I was going to see a psychotherapist, so I don't understand why he didn't ask how I was doing now. Maybe he didn't want to be confronted with the answer or something?

Luckily he didn't say any mean stuff and he didn't talk about his new girlfriend (because I'm pretty much certain that he has one), which I'm glad of.

The goodbye was very abrupt. We gave eachother a kiss on the cheek and he said something like that he had a nice time and it was nice catching up and that it would've been awkward if he had gone separately and then he said something like "see you" (hard to translate, but in Dutch it's kind of equivalent to saying that you probably won't see eachother again). That kind of hurt. That he made it seem like he had no intention at all to remain in contact or something.

I'm doubting about maybe sending him a message saying that I thought it was a bit weird that he didn't ask anything about how I was doing. But I guess he just doesn't care anymore all of a sudden (in August he still cared). That hurts.

So about the remaining in contact. I would be fine with seeing him every once in a while, but he's clearly not interested in that so it doesn't matter.

It was so weird seeing him this way. We used to go to concerts together all the time and it felt very strange that I couldn't just touch him or hold him now. Clearly my feelings for him aren't gone yet, which sucks, because he seems totally over me.

I also asked him about him deleting facebook but it didn't have any other reason than just being done with social media and all the random information you don't want.

[Enabler]

Glad the concert was civil and you managed to talk at least.

Do you feel any sense of closure or does this raise more questions for you?

I wonder whether he sees social media as a cause of his unhappiness? PwBPD are on a constant search for external reasons for their pain. You can run as fast as you like but you can’t run away from yourself.

I heard this quote at church today and quite liked it

Light thinks it travels faster than anything but it is wrong. No matter how fast light travels, it finds the darkness has always got there first, and is waiting for it.
Terry Pratchett,

Enabler

[Chitchat]

I've not seen the background, who finished with who, etc, don't have a sharp insight into his mood at the concert. It doesn't really sound like he is totally over you, or that he doesn't want to catch up again. Anyway, I'm glad it went well for you both.