Ashamed for staying with a BPD spouse so long, but I desperately need to leave

[Edthered]

I’ve been married decades to a BP that I thought would change over time. The rest has been deep depression and anxiety for me. Of course my BP thinks I’m making this up and has no empathy for me.

I really feel stupid and ashamed for staying in this toxic relationship so long that it has nearly ruined my life.

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[iLikeCats]

Edthered,

Not sure what to say... .Currently married to a BP and in a rocky place.  I don't know you or your specific situation but I'm sure you stayed as long as you have because you love your spouse and want it to work.

Sorry to hear about the depression and anxiety you are dealing with.  Do you have any friends or loved ones who know what is going on?

[Harri]

Hi there and welcome to the board!  As you read and post you will find that you are not alone.  Many people are or were in a similar spot so you are in good company. 

We have had many people stay in a relationship while experiencing depression, abuse and toxicity.

Can you share some more about your story?