What does this mean?

[Step3]

Several weeks ago she left me because she thought I was lying to her.

A few days ago one of her friends told me there's a picture of her and I in her living room. She said my ex was mad and put the picture face down. Now it's back up. I'm feeling hopeful that she'll contact me soon. In the past, she threw away things of her and I. I know no one knows what she's thinking but her, but I can't imagine she'd have our picture back up just for the memory.

Any thoughts? In the mean time, I'm trying so hard to focus on myself. It's not easy but I'm trying.

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Radcliff]

Hello, I'm sorry for the pain of the breakup, but I think you've answered your own question.  Time will tell ;)  You've got a good plan with focusing on yourself.  Can you tell us what you're doing?  Sharing your story helps others as well.

RC

[Step3]

Thanks for your response Radcliff. I don't know... .I hope I answered my own question. It's still just weird to me that she'd put the picture back up. Especially since when she left she said she was done with me.

As for self care. I guess it's more distraction. I'm working extra hours to stay busy. Watching a lot of movies when I'm at home. Also trying to get household projects done. I'm moving slowly but trying.

[Radcliff]

The picture being back up seems like a hopeful sign.  The key, as you know, is to spend as little time as possible thinking about it.

One thing that helped me was to make a list of healthy activities I could do almost every day, and then look at the list whenever I had free time and try to do as many of the things as possible.  Things on the list included physical exercise of a few different types, reaching out to friends, hobby time, support groups, etc.  Home projects are good, if you enjoy working on them.  The key is to add a little joy to your life.

Can you tell us a little more about your relationship?  How long were you together?  Have you had breakups in the past?  If so, for how long?

RC

[Step3]

RC,

I'm obsessed with thinking about the picture.  It's so unhealthy.  All I do is wonder if today will be the day.  If she just likes the picture so much because it's a good memory and that I'll never hear back from her.  I've cried every day.  I hate this feeling so much.  It's so confusing.  Why have the picture up?

Thank you for telling me how you cope.  It sounds useful and healthy.  I do like home projects.  I've been remodeling my house. 

As far as our history.  We've been on and off for four years now.  The longest she stayed away was four months.  Coming back together was emotional for both of us.  We both wanted it to work so bad.  She left me again in June and stayed away for a month.  Again, the reunion was emotional.  We both even cried a little.  This previous breakup was so unwarranted and I'm hoping she'll see that and talk to me. I feel like I'm rambling.  I'm hurting so bad and aching for her.  I've tried three times to move out of the state we live in, each time she'd come around and I'd end up staying.  All three times I had job offers, a place to live and restart my life. I left her flowers and a CD I made a couple days ago.  She listened to the CD and put the flowers in her living room.  Her friend says she still has a poem I wrote to her on her refrigerator.   Trust me, I am fully aware the this "Intel" is doing me no good.  I'm not doing so great at focusing on myself at all. 

[once removed]

I'm hurting so bad and aching for her. 

i can certainly hear your pain. this has got to be hard. we are listening.

was several weeks ago the last time you heard from her?

I'm not doing so great at focusing on myself at all. 

i understand. i was a wreck after my breakup. focusing on anything but my pain and the endless hope of her coming back would have been like moving a mountain.

heres why it matters:

1. if we arent taking good care of ourselves, it makes everything worse. i used to not eat or sleep when id go through heartbreak or grief. its hell on your body, and it just fuels negative thoughts, crying jags, etc.

2. if you hear from her or get back together, youre going to want to be in a strong, emotionally centered place. reversing a breakup is a fragile situation, and things can blow up just as quickly as they come back together.

it sounds like there is probably some anxiety and depression going on. most bpdfamily members arrive depressed. id encourage you to see your doctor and/or a therapist as soon as possible for a meds evaluation. there are great supplements too, i took a natural mood stabilizer called sam-e that really helped my mind stop racing, and that made everything else a lot more manageable.

[Radcliff]

How are you doing for outside support?  Do you have friends and/or family you can talk to?  Sometimes talking about the relationship helps.  Other times, just hanging with friends who may not even know the whole story, or doing hobby or sports activities with a group, etc. is helpful.  Can you count up five distinct sources of support?  (Count bpdfamily as one).

RC