Looking for support

[Mbhelp]

Hi I’m new to the group. My bf has BPD and I’m having a terrible time. I don’t think I can deal with his verbal abuse anymore. After he’s been mean, he feel guilty and then so do I.

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Ozzie101]

Hi Mbhelp! Welcome to the boards!

We're a supportive, open community here and you'll find many other members who can understand what you're going through. We have lots of tools and advice that may be able to help.

Verbal abuse is a terrible thing to deal with. It's something I lived with with my husband. But I found that other members here and my own therapist really helped me get on a more secure footing, emotionally speaking.

I hope you don't mind if I asked a few questions:
Has your boyfriend been diagnosed?
You say you feel guilty after he's been mean. What about it makes you feel guilty?

[Purplex]

Hi Mbhelp, I'd like to join Ozzie and welcome you to the family 

It sounds like you are going through a lot with your bf and I am glad you reached out. We know how challenging a relationship with a pwBPD (person with BPD) can be and it's important to have a support network to rely on. Feel free to look around the boards and join other threads, sharing with others made me feel a lot less alone and helped me to get a better understanding of the dynamics in my own relationship.
How long have you two been together?

[Ozzie101]

Mbhelp, we have a lot of articles that describe tools that can be very helpful. I know when I was new to this site, some of them were really eye-opening and were very useful in improving my relationship. While you can't control your loved one, you can control your own actions and responses and hopefully work towards a better relationship (if that's what you want). Learning that made me feel somewhat overwhelmed at first, but I eventually came to see it as empowering.

You mention your boyfriend being verbally abusive and mean. That's a very difficult thing to face and to know how to handle. I know. I've been there. The emotions are very strong and it's hard not to react emotionally.

This one gives advice on how to deal with conflict and emotions:
https://bpdfamily.com/content/ending-conflict

This one goes into emotional reactions and how using a more mindful approach can lead to more productive interactions:
https://bpdfamily.com/content/triggering-and-mindfulness-and-wise-mind

Do you see anything there that sounds like it might help you?