Body language told me he wanted me to stop

[Depression = 72% of members]

   Hi everyone. I felt a compulsion to post this today. I sincerely hope all of you are on the healing route and beginning to feel some of the joy in your heart that you were familiar with prior to your PWBPD r/s. For me, it's been a little over a year. It started out as very low contact... .just some goodwill texting which, of course, did not receive replies (I was the worst of the worst & blackest of black "villain"). And then total N/C. Which is the only way if you can help it. Healing is quite a difficult thing but you must go with it & allow yourselves to feel it. I'm far from a stalker; unfortunately I bumped into him at a traffic intersection. He wasn't in his own vehicle (with someone in the passenger side). I just drove on by but body language told me he wanted me to stop. So give me a pat on the back for that one... .I still send him "positivity" everyday. Yes I've learned so much! Thank you family.

[Chynna]

   Hi everyone. I felt a compulsion to post this today. I sincerely hope all of you are on the healing route and beginning to feel some of the joy in your heart that you were familiar with prior to your PWBPD r/s. For me, it's been a little over a year. It started out as very low contact... .just some goodwill texting which, of course, did not receive replies (I was the worst of the worst & blackest of black "villain"). And then total N/C. Which is the only way if you can help it. Healing is quite a difficult thing but you must go with it & allow yourselves to feel it. I'm far from a stalker; unfortunately I bumped into him at a traffic intersection. He wasn't in his own vehicle (with someone in the passenger side). I just drove on by but body language told me he wanted me to stop. So give me a pat on the back for that one... .I still send him "positivity" everyday. Yes I've learned so much! Thank you family.

[Sadly]

Hello you  and well done, be proud of yourself, stay strong.x

[Chynna]

Hi Sadly, I read your post about your handbag note. I think we all feel this way at times unless super extroverted. I find that counting our many blessings and taking a closer look at our surroundings & our innards help to ground us from our (holy) freedom. I hope this doesn't sound silly. Do you have a BFF? Introverts need to reach out and develop  rationships to thrive. It's not easy. And if someone said these words to me at one point I would have either laughed in their face or cried endlessly. Take good care of yourself.    Keep reading appropriate( to you) posts. It helps. ;0)

[Sadly]

Hi Chynna,
Thanks for your reply. No, I don’t have a BFF. Never had one to be honest. I do have a friend and like to spend time with her and her husband. I have been a loner all my life, not to say I haven’t tried but my relationships tend not to work out. Having said that I am a very caring kind loving  person but sadly the one person I fell in love with properly, believed in and shared my so very private whole self with, turned out to be my xwBPD. My shock and disbelief when it all went so badly wrong stays with me, even 4 years later and after learning about BPD. I’m afraid I lost myself in him and not only can’t I find myself again I am not sure that I want to very much. I was clearly very flawed from early childhood, I do know why and the guys who are still on here from years ago when I posted a lot do too. I do love to come back here and read all the positive stuff though, I loved reading your post, you sounded so proud and rightly so. X

[gotbushels]

Chynna  

So give me a pat on the back for that one

  I think if you decided to keep to a level of contact and do your part to stick with it--then I think that's something good you can pat yourself on the back for.

[Chynna]

Hey GB, I can't speak for everyone; what hung me up the most was how perfect the r/s seemed at the start... .so much synchronicity. He has such keen observatory skills. Now that I look back (& with mindfulness of the term "mirroring") I was just, in essense, falling in love with myself. That in itself is a very convoluted &  confusing when attempting to decifer a BPD r/s without having any awareness of the disorder. Lots of head-scratching... .                                                                     

[Chynna]

Hi Sadly, I hope you are doing well. I don't think I'm 'proud' of myself really. I  wish I could've stopped to have some meaningful words with him... .but I am educated now.

[gotbushels]

Lots of head-scratching... .                                                                     

Indeed.   

Now that I look back (& with mindfulness of the term "mirroring") I was just, in essense, falling in love with myself.

Which images of yourself did you love?

[Chynna]

Hi GB... .well never thought of it in the sense of images that I loved about myself; more that I found someone to share ALL of the things I loved in one neat little package ( which prolly shoulda set the red flag waving... .don't know.) In comparison, I've started a 'friendly r/s' (nothing more, no spark or attraction and he's spiritually much farther along than me ~ I'm far from ready for that... .) There are soo many boundaries from both sides. We both enjoy hiking. That's IT! So … this is where I am. I hope you are well & happy.

[Sadly]

Well I still think you should be proud and one day if you meet at an intersection again, you may say hello or you may not, it doesn’t matter you know, you are in you’re healing path not his and to me you sound as if you are doing really well. X

[Chynna]

Hi Sadly, I love this " Never let someone be your priority when you are only their option"... .did you write that?

[gotbushels]

Ah Chynna I see.    I was hoping you'd share a thing or two of the image of yourself you saw in the mirror your ex provided--an image of your self that you may have found you loved.

To share something good I found--using your context of the ex as a mirror; I saw I was willing to bring resilience to my relational life. The BPD relationship is a proving ground that we can indeed give excessively to a relationship to the detriment of other areas (e.g., work or religion). Of course that's a reminder of a major hope for nons. Since BPD dynamics and symptoms are so "extreme" out of normal then surely the non, as counter-'part'-image, being willing to meet the BP at those levels--this tells us something about our caretaker's resilience. Surely there's a powerful blessing to us that helped us weather the rewarding and withholding child for such a long time. 

[Chynna]

Hey G/B!  To be specific:  he "seemed" to be caring/compassionate, generous with his time & his efforts, healthy, intelligent, thoughtful, etc. (Didn't at the time know this was an ulterior motive/his MO.) That was the image. I thought he was my match. Not that I was looking. Didn't show Dr. Jeckyl for awhile til I suppose he felt I was hooked. Not unlike others here. Of course there were some minor bumps at the start; when you meet someone new, you don't know them well and let them slide a bit. At the time I didn't realize he was such a liar; when you have a conversation with someone is it 'normal' to doubt the person's honesty? It was about 2 years of "talk" before we actually started to see each other! Anyway … H2O under the bridge. Onward to healing. Having come this far, I think of his goodness but remain mindful of the senseless, unnecessary sad & hurtful times to which we  both contributed... .myself still naïve to the D/O. He will always have a place in my heart. … really.

[gotbushels]

I see.   

[... .] of the term "mirroring") I was just, in essense, falling in love with myself.                                             

To be specific:  he "seemed" to be caring/compassionate, generous with his time & his efforts, healthy, intelligent, thoughtful, etc. (Didn't at the time know this was an ulterior motive/his MO.) [... .] I thought he was my match.

To get really specific about traits--so when you say 'match', was this the 'you' in the mirror, the part of yourself you mentioned you were falling in love with?

[Chynna]

Hi G/B, Exactly... .the reflection in the mirror... .birds of a feather flock together &  all that... .

[Skip]

Hi Sadly, I love this " Never let someone be your priority when you are only their option"... .did you write that?

"Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option." — Mark Twain