I try to listen and he says some of the most offensive things about people and her. I know I should just listen and affirm what he says but I am finding it so hard on me.
depends... .listen without agenda, yes... .if affirm means validating the invalid, probably not.
I think I my have a little PTSD after finding him unconscious after his suicide attempt.
this would no doubt be agonizing and traumatic, and it wasnt long ago at all. have you considered seeing a therapist for yourself? a strong support system is really critical (this group is a great adjunct to the therapeutic relationship), and all of this is going to be infinitely harder on you without support. you dont have to face this alone.