separated but still hanging on...

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

my wife and I have been separated for about seven years now... .I feel SSOO bad for leaving my 2 kids back then.  if I could only turn back the clock... .and now my daughter is 11 years old... .I see her two or three times a week.  but she is very sensitive.  it's like I can almost her her saying, "Daddy don't go!" when she was only three years old and standing on the driveway with her mother (my wife) screaming at me in yet another blind rage, over absolutely nothing of course.  these days I attempt to speak with my daughter but she naturally does not like me too much right now... .I am sure she feels abandoned by me... .at the time, it felt like the right thing to do... .that is, if I am not there (at the house) there is no raging... .my wife has BPD.  she rages at me without end... .when I would go into another room to be by myself, she would continue the screaming, bang on the door, and kick and break the door handles (unbelievably, to this day, 3 out of the 4 door handles in the hallway at her house are broken)... .she has a Masters degree in Counseling Psychology but insists she doesn't have an issue... .she says she just has a temper problem... .anyway... .this is tough stuff

[lark265]

my wife and I have been separated for about seven years now... .I feel SSOO bad for leaving my 2 kids back then.  if I could only turn back the clock... .and now my daughter is 11 years old... .I see her two or three times a week.  but she is very sensitive.  it's like I can almost her her saying, "Daddy don't go!" when she was only three years old and standing on the driveway with her mother (my wife) screaming at me in yet another blind rage, over absolutely nothing of course.  these days I attempt to speak with my daughter but she naturally does not like me too much right now... .I am sure she feels abandoned by me... .at the time, it felt like the right thing to do... .that is, if I am not there (at the house) there is no raging... .my wife has BPD.  she rages at me without end... .when I would go into another room to be by myself, she would continue the screaming, bang on the door, and kick and break the door handles (unbelievably, to this day, 3 out of the 4 door handles in the hallway at her house are broken)... .she has a Masters degree in Counseling Psychology but insists she doesn't have an issue... .she says she just has a temper problem... .anyway... .this is tough stuff

[I Am Redeemed]

Hi lark,

I am sorry for what you are going through. That sounds like a very tough situation indeed.

I wish I could turn back the clock too sometimes. I lost custody of my children because of the chaos and abusive behavior from my uBPDh. I still have my youngest son, but my sister has the rest of my children. I feel like I let them down.

I am sure you made the best decision you could. Having a person with BPD in your life sometimes pushes you between a rock and a hard place.

Does your wife now rage at the children? Do you keep a journal of your interactions with her, or anything you observe regarding her behavior?

Do you have overnights with your kids, or just a few hours a week?

So sorry for pain you are going through.

Redeemed

[Lucky Jim]

when I would go into another room to be by myself, she would continue the screaming, bang on the door, and kick and break the door handles (unbelievably, to this day, 3 out of the 4 door handles in the hallway at her house are broken)

Hey lark265,  Same for me: my BPDxW broke down doors and punched holes in the walls, all of which had to be repaired in order for us to sell the place.  Yes, you could say she had a "temper problem"!

Let me ask you the obvious question: what keeps you from getting divorced after a seven-year separation?  Presumably there is some reason.

Sorry to hear about leaving your kids.  I did the same and feel sad about it, too, yet like to think I demonstrated to my children that change is possible in life and one need not remain in an abusive situation.  Whether that will ever sink in is hard to say.

LuckyJim

[Mutt]

these days I attempt to speak with my daughter but she naturally does not like me too much right now... .I am sure she feels abandoned by me... .at the time, it felt like the right thing to do... .that is, if I am not there (at the house) there is no raging... .my wife has BPD.

I'm having a hard time with my D12 right now she's been staying at uBPDw's home for several months now I believe because of boundaries or lack of boundaries / structure at her house who doesn't want to be left to do what they want at that age?

My point is you feel like you're D11 is thinking that you abandoned her you may be projected your feelings, is there a possibility that your ex pwBPD has a hand in this with parental alienation?