Suicide threats

[Sooz iee]

My 28 year old son has threatened suicide for years!  I truly feel he is suicidal and I follow through with calling his therapist and calling the crisis call center.  Not much of anything ever happens.  It is frustrating because no one can talk to me because he is an adult.  I’m not sure what he says to the professionals but he is never hospitalized.  But he sends me awful texts saying how he’s going to kill himself and telling me I wasn’t a loving enough mother.  He wants money and is angry because I don’t give it to him.  I know this is manipulation and I’m so sick of it. He hates his life and looks at everyone else and says he wishes he had a supportive family.  He blames us for the fact he doesn’t have what he perceives everyone else has.  He takes no responsibility for where he is.  He claims that the reason he has a dead end job is because he doesn’t have a supportive family that paid for his education.  He forgets he stopped going to school his junior year of high school and it was a miracle he got a ged.  He has never passed a college course that we’ve paid for.  How do others respond when their children threaten suicide and talk about how awful their life is compared to everyone else?  Do you take every suicide threat as real?

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Merlot]

hi Soo iee
Welcome to the bpdfamily 

I'm very sorry to hear abut what you are going through.  It is very difficult when his threats of suicide are linked to you as a mother.  I'm sure this can make you feel guilty, confused and worried.  Where it feels manipulative, no doubt over time this can lead to anger and resentment.

It may be helpful to remind yourself that this has nothing to do with you as a mother, you no doubt love him but you are not to blame.  I quote from "Walking on Eggshells"  by Randi Kreger - Express your support and concern for your son while firmly maintaining your personal limits, firmly stating that you care about him and you want them to choose life and he needs to seek help.  It is about putting the responsibility back on your son.  You can do this with warmth and compassion.  If he doesn't seek help and you are concerned the threat is serious, seeking professional help is totally appropriate.  You will know your son better than anyone in this regard.

I wonder if you have a therapist of your own, as talking through this may really be of help for you, irrespective of your son having a therapist.

I encourage you to keep coming here and learning as much as you can.  May parents experience so many of the same behaviors in their children and will be here to support you.

Remember you are doing the very best that you can and I'm so glad you found us.

Merlot

[KHC_33]

Morning. I am a trained ASIST and I would encourage you to take the course in suicide prevention. It is a huge eye opener. There is a difference (thinking and acting/plan suicide choices). Learning to safely bring them to life connections and telling their story... msg me any time

[Sooz iee]

Such awesome suggestions!  Thank you!

[wendydarling]

Hi Sooz iee

Along with Mertlot and KCH I welcome you to bpdfamily.  They've shared great advice, you get it.    Like them I also learnt there are things we can do for us; what is in our control and what is not, I learnt that here with parents, through the resources, I hope you'll stick around, you are in the best of company. 

I'm sorry what you're dealing with your son, it is very difficult when his threats of suicide are linked to you as a mother, cycling, projecting his suffering, helplessness, on you for so long!    I learnt here if my approach is not working, change it, while recognising both me and my DD are always doing our very best.

A strong support system is critical, you've family here   what support do you have with your family, friends, colleagues at work?

Welcome again.

WDx