This is all so new.

[Dad4life4]

Hello. First post. I believe my wife has high functioning BPD. Just learned about this condition about 3 weeks ago. Life has been a world wind with her and not in a good way. She has not been Diagnosed. I don’t think she is open to being evaluated. Extremely frustrated and don’t really know what to do at this point.

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[sterlingblue]

Dad4life4,

Welcome to the site. I sympathize with everything you wrote -- you essentially described my marriage. I am not a frequent poster here, but you can read my other few posts if you want to know more about my situation.

This site has helped me out a lot and continues to help me, even if I don't post much.

Right now I am in a hotel because my wife told me she couldn't stand to be in the same room with me, and if I didn't leave, she was going to take the kids (S8 and S5) somewhere tomorrow.  So I left to keep them from that particular chaos.

Last night she told me she doesn't trust me with the kids, I've ruined her life, and I am on the autism spectrum.  The first two I've heard before, but that last one is new.

I have no idea what's going to happen in the next week.  In the past she usually calms down, but what if this time is different?  I like to plan in life, but it's almost impossible to plan things when my wife is involved.  If I really thought we were going to divorce (as she has threatened), I could plan for it and get through it. But I can't take her at her word -- I assume it's just the BPD talking, but maybe not.  Like you said, it's a whirlwind and not in a good way.

Anyway, that's enough about my situation.  Can you tell us more about what specifically brought you here?

Peace,
sterlingblue

[RolandOfEld]

Hi Dad4life4, joining sterlingblue in welcoming you!

Coming to bpdfamily was my first step of many and the members here truly saved my life, no exaggeration. You have come to the right place.

I take it from your screenname that you have kids like Sterling and I. Can you share more about your family situation and what finally brought you here?

Sending you strength,
RolandOfEld

[Harri]

Hi.  I am joining sterlingblue in saying welcome!  I'm glad you found us and decided to reach our for help.  That is the first step right?

I am sorry for the chaos and stress that you have been dealing with.  It can take a lot out of you.  

You ask what you can do.  Well, posting here in your own threads and in others will help a great deal as you learn about the disorder and work on learning skills and tools that can improve things at your end.  When you read other threads it can help you see connections to your own situation and possibly help you find ways to cope better.  You definitely are not alone in having a spouse who does not think there is anything wrong with them and does not want therapy.  The good news is that you can work to make things better for you.

What would you identify as the biggest issue in your relationship?  How long have you been together?  Do you have kids?

Please feel free to dig in and read and post.  As you feel more comfortable, share some more of your story.  it will make it easier to help you.

Again, welcome.

[once removed]

hi Dad4Life, i want to join the others and say

what are the primary sources of conflict/struggle, as you see them?

how old are your kids?