lost in paralysis

[Antigua]

i would like to ask for assistance in greating a plan for myself.
i feel very lost. my daughter. recently diagnosed with BPD, came out of treatment for an opiate addiction yesterday. Her father had already moved her things out of her appartment and given it up, she is staying with him until she gets on her feet again. Today he is moving into a house that he could not sell when he divorced his third wife so there is no real home so to speak. She ist starting an out patient program on Monday 3 hrs a day, five days a week. I live a couple of hours north. I can't handle living with her and rarely agree with her dad. How do I start a plan for myself ?

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[once removed]

hi Antigua,

can you clarify, have you ruled out her living with you, temporarily or otherwise?

what are you looking to create a plan to achieve?

[Antigua]

No I have not ruled out her living with me but but I think it would be highly unhealthy for me if I did.

I would like to make a plan to achieve a smooth going Christmas but I can’t stick to one decision without waffling.

My therapist, my Alanon and Naranon sponsers all think I should go away and just not be here Christmas Eve.
My ex and my children think I will have both my daughters here Christmas Eve after their dad takes them to a party (one is just out of rehab) because I haven’t told them otherwise. I want to be assertive but I seem to be waiting for something/one to make the decision for me.

[Only Human]

Hi Antiqua 

I'm the queen of waffling so I totally relate to needing support for a decision regarding Christmas plans. As wendydarling said in your other post,

Christmas, there is time to work out what is best for you

Have I understood correctly, the options are you leaving for Christmas eve, or your daughters spending Christmas eve at your place? If the Christmas eve at your place is a long standing tradition, how has that looked in the past and what are your concerns for this year? In your other post you say you're afraid of your daughter, has she been physically violent?

I'm glad you're here, getting support.

~ OH