Some good news, for the moment

[JustYouWait]

Yesterday was DD 20th birthday and there was more than one time in the last three years or so when I absolutely wondered if we were going to ever see that day with her alive.

We did.

So, there's that.

She got out of long-term inpatient treatment about 6 months ago, and she's home, stable job, stable personality, and is thriving.

So, I guess what I'm saying is that there is hope.


Have a great day.

You're not alone.

-jyw

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Huat]

Hello JustYouWait

Looking back on your history with us here, on November 20/17 your first post started with... ."Someone tell me it will get better"... .and here you are today telling us that things have gotten better.   

Of course, a lot of the "better" has come about because of the work YOU have put into it.  For you, for all of us... .will always be a work-in-progress.

Happy for you, JustYouWait!      Hope to see more of your posts in the future as you share what is happening along the journey you share with your daughter.

Huat

[Lea2000]

Thank you for posting!   
We could use a ray of sunshine like this!

[wendydarling]

Hey JYW

Wishing your lovely daughter a very Happy 20th Birthday, what a trooper, it takes determination and fight to get the first step out the pit, over the fence. Deep respect to your DD, she's a warrior, just like you and Rock Star, your family, you've been all in.You did it  

JYW, what are the top say 3-4 lessons (more if you like) you've learnt as a parent, helping your DD to this to where she is today? As you reflect.

My 30DD is out of crisis, and what I have learnt, post DBT is her continued learning and development, support, schema is next, then mentalisation... .….ongoing work.

There is hope JYW always, and sharing here together, we can get there, where you are today  

WDx

[JustYouWait]

JYW, what are the top say 3-4 lessons (more if you like) you've learnt as a parent, helping your DD to this to where she is today? As you reflect.

1.  Go to therapy - by yourself.  Once there, listen to what the therapist says.  Then, apply what they suggest.

2.  Boundaries are supremely freeing.  I know that sounds counterintuitive, but I wound up building myself a fortress in my mind, and not everyone is allowed in.  I conceptualized it looking a lot like the Hilltop from The Walking Dead (I'm a fan), complete with a house, a fence, and a gate.  That gate is not always open to everyone.  It's my gate and my choice.

3.  Threats and consequences don't have to be emotionally charged.  I found that I can lay out an "if... .then" statement and then follow through with the "then" portion without having to be screaming or crying, or both.

4.  There is a huge difference between "support" and "fixing", don't confuse the two.

5.  "No" can be said with love.

6.  My DD does not have the right to access all of me at all of the time.

7.  Anxiety is better when you acknowledge it, name it, know where it sits... .and know how it manifests in you (for me it was overeating and overdrinking)

8.  Get to the doctor, and do it now.  People in crisis (us) should be checked out quarterly. (Turns out my BP and Cholesterol were "dangerously high").

9.  Take the time you need.  Whether its for processing or escape or recharging.  You cannot be at your best if you're depleted.

10.  This isn't over - not like a cancer diagnosis where you're pronounced "clear" - it's just better than it was. 


#10 may seem like a downer, but it's the reality.  My kid will always have BPD, but for right now, she's alive, and thriving.  Compared to the last three or so years, that's a victory.


... .so that was more that 3-4, but that's a lot of what I took away from it.


Let me know what you think/



-jyw

[Harri]

Hi JustYouWait! 

I think you list is fantastic.  It is a list of simple truths but I know how much hard work went into learning all of those things and none of it is intuitive. 

Your comment about boundaries being freeing really speaks to me.  They allow self care without closing us off entirely and there are so many possibilities that open up as a result.  I had the same sort of realization about responsibility... .what once seemed so restrictive and rigid is actually a source of freedom for me.  I am still working on understand the change though.

Anyway, I wanted to let you kow I really appreciate your list of 10!

Thank you.

[wendydarling]

This is a great share JYW,  thank you. Like you I went to the Dr this year so yes, I echo your advice to others, do go now, take care of you. There is plenty of self care in your list. 10. is also a reality for me, my DD is thriving, managing her BPD, it's a journey of self discovery, of learning. Happy Christmas JYW, I remember how distressed you were this time last year, missing your DD who was in RTC. Things can get better when we make changes, as you share with us.