Disruptive probable BPD Adult son

[Parents! Get help here!]

I am trapped watching my son’s destructive path get worse. I feel helpless since his brother committed suicide three years ago and I am afraid any boundaries I set will have the same outcome. He’s unbelievably verbally abusive, is now desperate for money since he quits all the great jobs he’s able to get by tucking away his disorder during interviews so he steals from me At times.  He refuses to get any help for his grief and depression.  I know logically what to do but can’t seem to do it since I am so afraid

[Allswell]

I am trapped watching my son’s destructive path get worse. I feel helpless since his brother committed suicide three years ago and I am afraid any boundaries I set will have the same outcome. He’s unbelievably verbally abusive, is now desperate for money since he quits all the great jobs he’s able to get by tucking away his disorder during interviews so he steals from me At times.  He refuses to get any help for his grief and depression.  I know logically what to do but can’t seem to do it since I am so afraid

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Feeling Better]

Hello Allswell, welcome.

I’d like to firstly say how sorry I am to read that three years ago you lost one of your sons to suicide, my heart truly goes out to you, and I do understand your fears regarding your other son, not surprising under the circumstances

Does your son live with you?

It is difficult to get our adult children to seek help if they choose not to, they are adults after all. I have an undiagnosed son who blames me for everything wrong in his life, is in denial that there is anything wrong with him and prefers to believe that it is me who needs help.

Although you are currently unable to help your son, you can help yourself, and posting here, as you have done, is a great step towards helping yourself. I look forward to reading more from you x 

[Merlot]

Hi Allswell

Along with Feeling Better, I welcome you here to the bpdfamily 

Im very sorry to hear of your loss, and the circumstances are so challenging with your son. I do hope you have some support around you and its great that you are here.

Grief is auch a personal journey for all of us. Have you thought about seeing a therapist to assist. You are both grieving over many issues and it may be helpful to understand your sons behaviour in terms of both grief and BPD and help you work through your own.

My DD27 was diagnosed three years ago with BPD and Im grieving our broken relationship and learning to accept a different one. Im learning strategies for self care and stronger communication and understanding. The board is very uswful and parents have been wonderful.

Take care and we look forward to hearing from you
Merlot