Where To Go From Here

[Kittydarling]

I apologize if this is a long story. Last summer I ran into casual acquaintance and she asked if we could hang out. I aggreed and we began to spend time together. At the time I was in a 6 year relationship with a man. I was spending time with whom I will call Emma for no reason other than I thought she was interesting and she said she wanted more friends. Within a week we were spending huge amounts of time together. She wasn't sleeping. She has an immune condition that attacks her liver and she told me it was a new side affect of the meds. She would pick me up after work and we would go driving all night until obe of us had to work the next morning. I was exhausted but completely fascinated.  And surprised that I had feelings for her. She reciprocated abd promised me endless long term adventures. It progressed to the point I left my bf. We spent about a month and a half together and then she suddenly cut our contact down to barely anything.  When I cornered her she said she was depressed and not ready for a relationship with anyone (she's never been in a serious relationship and only had one gf). She then said she was miserable about it and wanted to kiss me and hated she couldn't.
We began a back and forth game of arguing that lasted a month and then she cut of contact with me completely. She just stopped responding to mt texts and removed herself from a mutual friend group.
A close friend of both of ours is the only person I know she has talked to. Emma told her that she wanted to talk to me but couldn't because I make her think about things she can't deal wuth right now. Its been two months.
She is not diagnosed as bipolar but I know her sister is. She us seeing a doctor about her depression but I don't know if she knows she may actually be bipolar. Her liver meds also interact with anti- depressants, which she was on before she was diagnosed and had been off a year before we started sering each other.
 I'm struggling with how to feel about it. I miss her but I'm also angry that she just shut me out. Even when I realized she was sick I still wanted to be in her life. Never once did her depression scare me and I told her that early on.
How do I cope with this? I was heartbroken. Most days I'm fine now but I still miss her. I want to see her but don't want to push. I don't know if she'll come back or if she'll avoid me forever. Do I just wait? Sometimes I'm mad at her out of the blue because it hurts that she just cut me our so easy. Sometimes I want to reach out, but before the two month silence I did that multiple times with little response.
Despite the short term of the relationship it felt right. More so than other long-term ones I've had. We emotionally clicked. I was instantly at home with her. I am still willing to work through her mental illness because I think she is a beautiful person. I also am aware that she needs to get herself together because from what I've heard through our one friend she still talks to she's a mess. I'm frustrated I can't suppprt her even in a platonic way.
And now it feels like it isn't over. And I'm in a holding pattern. Advice please?

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Bnonymous]

Hi Kittydarling,



I'm glad you found us. You'll find lots of members here who can relate to and understand your situation.

When did you last contact her and what did you say when you did?

[Kittydarling]

Almost two months ago. I just sent a random text with a joke about clothing. No response.
Before that I had made her a gift for her September birthday and included a note apologizing for how things played out and explaining that I hadn't understood what was going on. I also said that I loved her regardless of her struggles and I would wait until she was ready, but live my life.
I just am not sure if I should try and interact again. I recently heard she's starting to reach out to some people on a limited basis.

[Yellowpearl]

Hey Kittydarling, I'll join Bnonymous in welcoming you to the board.

I understand you are having mixed feelings, in feeling upset with her (sometimes out of the blue) at shutting you out and not responding to missing her. Often when someone abruptly cuts contact, we don't know how to make sense of it and it can drive a person crazy! I know the feeling.

It's been 2 months now. She is starting to reach out to people again, that's a good sign. Sometimes reaching out can plant a seed and tells the person "hey i'm still around." It kind of makes it open for them to reach out to you and takes the stress away from them having to make that initial contact. Though she still may not be ready or responsive, are you emotionally prepared for that if you do reach out?

I understand it must be harder to reach out in feeling a bit upset at times that she stopped responding in the first place. Is that what you're feeling too?

[Bnonymous]

Hi Kittydarling,

In that case, I don't think a gentle reach out can do any harm. Like Yellowpearl says, it would show you were still around and give her an opening to get in touch if she wants to. If you want to do that, I would suggest something simple and no-pressure that doesn't request a reply (so she doesn't feel pressured). Something like "Thinking of you. Hope you're okay". At this time of year, you have the option of "Just to say I'm thinking of you. Hope you have a good Christmas". What do you think?