Partner has left me.

[Depression = 72% of members]

Hi all. Have been in a relationship for 3 years. Things started really well and my gf treated me amazingly. At the time I wasnt aware she had BPD. About 12 months later things suddenly changed, she became moody and we argued over trivial things. It got to the point where i was treading on egg shells. Things that I would say were misinterpreted and twisted. My gf was telling me "what I was thinking and meaning" with the things/words i was using. Initially she has been very loving, giving and empathetic, whereas she had now turned into someone cold and distant. About 6 months ago, she broke things off saying "she couldn't do us at the moment" She was going through a stressful period having to deal with her ex husband and couldn't be in a relationship. Approx 3 months later she contacted me, telling me she loved me and wanted us back. How things were stressful and she needed this time away to deal with things. Everything was really good early on but once again she started to become distant and very intolerant off me... to cut  a long story short, she broke up with me again2 days before xmas. This has left me shattered and an emotional mess. I really want things to go back to how they were early in our relationship but sadly I know that this wont happen. I know that walking away from this is the best thing for me, the emotional rollercoaster that I have been through has taken its toll on my mental state. despite all this, I cant get her out of my mind and am fighting evey urge to contact her and try and work things out. However the one most important feature required for a relationship to work out is that both people are committed to working on it and my gf just doesnt want to work on it. Please any advice on how I can move forward would be greatly appreciated. Thanks for your time.

[jimi]

Hi all. Have been in a relationship for 3 years. Things started really well and my gf treated me amazingly. At the time I wasnt aware she had BPD. About 12 months later things suddenly changed, she became moody and we argued over trivial things. It got to the point where i was treading on egg shells. Things that I would say were misinterpreted and twisted. My gf was telling me "what I was thinking and meaning" with the things/words i was using. Initially she has been very loving, giving and empathetic, whereas she had now turned into someone cold and distant. About 6 months ago, she broke things off saying "she couldn't do us at the moment" She was going through a stressful period having to deal with her ex husband and couldn't be in a relationship. Approx 3 months later she contacted me, telling me she loved me and wanted us back. How things were stressful and she needed this time away to deal with things. Everything was really good early on but once again she started to become distant and very intolerant off me... to cut  a long story short, she broke up with me again2 days before xmas. This has left me shattered and an emotional mess. I really want things to go back to how they were early in our relationship but sadly I know that this wont happen. I know that walking away from this is the best thing for me, the emotional rollercoaster that I have been through has taken its toll on my mental state. despite all this, I cant get her out of my mind and am fighting evey urge to contact her and try and work things out. However the one most important feature required for a relationship to work out is that both people are committed to working on it and my gf just doesnt want to work on it. Please any advice on how I can move forward would be greatly appreciated. Thanks for your time.

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[RolandOfEld]

Hi jimi and welcome!

That does sound like an emotional rollercoaster. I'm sorry you had to go through that.

A great way to get started on the board (besides posting an intro thread) is to post on other threads to get context on your own situation.

How did you learn about BPD?

Sending you strength,
RolandOfEld

[jimi]

found this site while searching on BPD. Only recently realised my partner had BPD. She was reluctant to get help but have managed to get her seeing someone. She has been doing so for the last 4 months. Still early days for her, I hope she continues to see her lady and does everything to get better.

[once removed]

did she give any reason for the breakup this time around? was there anything that seemed to lead up to the breakup?

[jimi]

things were getting very stressful with her ex husband. he is creating problems re custody and seeing of the kids plus has stopped child support payments. This all started about 4 weeks ago. The stress made her intolerant, distant, all she seemed to do is snap at me.

[once removed]

so, same thing that happened with the previous breakup, do i have that right?

has the divorce been finalized?

[jimi]

Yes divorce has gone through, they have been divorced previously to us meeting. She claims that she was unhappy for many years with her ex, apparently had aspergers and was a narcissist. I wasnt very informed re BPD until viewing your website. The  Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde video plus information on that page is really a carbon copy of our relationship. I was stunned at how much our relationship mirrored that information. I am just devastated that things are over, it saddens me also what she is having to deal with, it breaks my heart that I cant do anything for her, feel I should have done more to get her help.

[once removed]

are you thinking youll hear from her when things settle down with her ex?