Hi GerberDaisy

Welcome (back!) to BPD Family.
You know the skills that can bring you relief but you're not using them successfully right now. I can certainly relate to that. I "know" what to do to help myself feel better, I just don't always do it.
Are you seeing a T? Do you think you might have some depression going on? For me, when I'm depressed, it makes doing things much more difficult. Especially doing things that I "know" are good for me
~ OH