Matthew 5:40-42 [Christian discussion]

[Fian]

Matthew 5:40-42 says "And if anyone wants to sue you and take your shirt, hand over your coat as well. If anyone forces you to go one mile, go with them two miles. Give to the one who asks you, and do not turn away from the one who wants to borrow from you."

Those (and other) verses generally seem to believe that through acts of kindness the "other party" will realize they are being selfish, repent and the entire body of Christ will be glorified and stronger.

That's where I struggle to "integrate" my understanding of mental illness and PDs with the intent of scripture.  I simply can't wrap my head around some people with PDs ever being able to "see" things this way.  So how do these scriptures apply to them.  And... .don't scriptures apply to everyone?

First off, we are talking about a very difficult Bible passage.  I consider it super advanced stuff, and most Christians struggle with it.  My personal take is that the point of the passage isn't that you do these things so that people realize the errors of their ways.  You do it, because it frees you.

Let's try and put things in simple terms.  If you do A, I will do B.  That means that person doing A is now controlling your actions.  Like a puppet, they can make you dance by deciding when they do A.  In the above verse, the pride response says "You can't treat me this way!  It is unfair."  So when person does A, we immediately start thinking about the unfairness, how we are being mistreated, and what we can do to restore balance.  To put it in board terms, we are taking the role of the victim.  But with Jesus instruction, our first response isn't pride.  We know who we are in Christ.  We know that God will defend us.  Instead, we can focus on working the problem.  Why are they doing A?  What is our best response to this?  Ignoring it is on the table, or maybe we do escalate if we think that will have a better end result.  We have the freedom to choose, not being a slave to our pride that demands fairness.

I would like to share an example from my life.  My wife has some aunts/uncles in Mexico that live in poverty.  The poverty is of their own creation.  The husband didn't work much, holding out for the ideal rather than getting the best available job to feed his family.  The adult daughter would help some, but to be honest, not as much as she should.  The one who took the brunt of the pain was the wife, who wouldn't get the medicine she needed, and worked hard despite many health issues.  I chose to not financially assist them so long as the husband wasn't doing what needed to be done, as I felt it would encourage him to continue not working.  However, once he took seriously ill, him not working was no longer the issue.  He physically couldn't.  At that point I started to help financially, even though a case could be made that others in the family should do more.  Even so, I was criticized by another for being "used."  All they could see was the fairness calculation, and couldn't look beyond it.

[Notwendy]

I think you made a good decision Fian-

If you assisted while the able bodied husband didn't work, you would be enabling him to not seek employment by taking away his motivation. Taking your money without him contributing would diminish his own sense of accomplishment.

When he was ill, it wasn't a choice for him to work or not. The family then faced not having resources they needed for survival. You helped them survive. This was a good deed on your part.

We don't know the divine plan, or the whole of the Karma. Doing good doesn't take away from anyone or anything. Goodness multiplies. Enabling is another thing. Sometimes its a fine line and hard to distinguish but the best we can do it try.

[SamwizeGamgee]

Interesting ideas here.  I think the reasons you do something are best held to yourself.  On can observe you helping another say that you are facilitating their weakness, or that you are being charitable.  Only you (and God) know, and that's all that matters.

Although reciprocity is built into our social patterns, and rightfully so, I feel better about saying and doing something because I want to do / say it.  Not because of what another could or should do in response.  We should give alms in private.

Likewise, I have learned to forgive.  And I do it for me, not for others.  It's just less to carry if I forgive, and I find that I forget even quicker, so, that's either age or wisdom ;)

[formflier]

Good verse to work through.

Fian
 
I think you did the right thing, especially if you approached the situation and decision in prayer and tried to keep your heart tender.

A verse and God's use of a verse and your actions could have (and likely do) multiple purposes, many of which we may not be completely aware.
 
For instance, it seems obvious that there was someone in need here that was helped.  Perhaps God wanted to show the "judgmental relatives" what grace might look like.  We may never know when the results of that "lesson".

FF

[Fian]

Good verse to work through.

Fian
 
I think you did the right thing, especially if you approached the situation and decision in prayer and tried to keep your heart tender.

A verse and God's use of a verse and your actions could have (and likely do) multiple purposes, many of which we may not be completely aware.
 
For instance, it seems obvious that there was someone in need here that was helped.  Perhaps God wanted to show the "judgmental relatives" what grace might look like.  We may never know when the results of that "lesson".

FF

Yeah, I don't think about the repercussions too much.  I mean, I did when the husband was healthy, but overall you do what is right, and let God worry about the results.  I look at it this way.  God is omniscient, basically a super intelligence.  We often don't know the results of our actions, and we don't even know what we really want (we think we do, but when we get it, we may find it unsatisfying).  To put it in a chess analogy, we look one move ahead with our actions, maybe 2 if we are smart, yet God has mapped out every possible move in the game.  If we follow God's rules, we are basically playing a chess game as if we are super intelligent.  Even a dumb person can do that.  Or we can make up our own rules, patting ourselves on our back for looking 2 moves ahead, and fail.

[Turkish]

1 Timothy 5:8  Anyone who does not provide for their relatives, and especially for their own household, has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.

To me this says that your primary family is paramount. I struggled with this when my mom was living with me,  but when she became a risk of me protecting and providing for my little kids, I respected her wish to leave and return to her dysfunctional life.  As much as it pained me with guilt,  my innocent kids came first.  

[formflier]

Turkish,

I agree with your interpretation.  That had to be hard, especially when you understand the distortions of reality at work.


Best,

FF