16 year old daughter BPD behaviors

[sanctasapientia]

Mother of 16 year old female with many behaviors of BPD. Police intervention led to discovery of internet presence, living a secret life, disturbing high risk drug use and sexual behavior, sneaking out at night, endangering self and family. Three months out from crisis, reflecting on how to help her. Psychological testing, medication, therapy all in play and helping greatly. I have difficulty in dealing with the lies and manipulation and try hard to understand the why. Calling her out on the lies and holding her accountable for the behaviors is a slippery slope. A security system installed at home has helped me sleep at night, a spyapp on limited phone access allows me to monitor the social media usage. She still finds ways to override the safety in place and lie about it. It is difficult to balance allowing her freedom and keeping her safe. I have less than 18 months before she turns 18 and the decisions are no longer mine to make. Any words of wisdom would be greatly appreciated.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Only Human]

Hi sanctasapientia  and welcome to BPD Family!

Boy, you sure have been dealing with a lot with your daughter. I'm glad you came here for support.

I'm short on time at the moment but wanted to welcome you here and tell you that we are listening, her to support you through this next phase with your daughter.

It must have been shocking to learn that she was leading a double life, scary too. How are you holding up?

I understand your concern - time is short for you to try to turn things around as she will be 18 and therefore free to make her own decisions.

Before I go, I wanted to point out this post, pinned to the top of the board. It's full of the best articles we have, but there are many many more.

HOW TO GET THE MOST OUT OF THIS SITE

I'm sure others will be along shortly, you are not alone, sanctasapientia, we get it 

~ OH

[TiredGma]

I'm a newbie also and have received such a warm and helpful welcome. My grandson (lives with me) is also very savvy around the devices. That stinker even put a program on the iPad to capture keystrokes so in no time, he had all my passwords and banking information. And he was 10 at the time. He's 12 now. I thought we had that stuff licked until I discovered at biiiig charge out of my Apple account for gaming. And of course, he denied and got mad at me for accusing him, even though I had hard evidence. I always feel like I'm a step or ten behind and yes, as they get older, the stuff they get into gets so much more dangerous. I'm sorry for your troubles.

[Harri]

Hi and welcome to the board! 

I am glad you reached out and posted.  Finding out that you are not alone and talking with others who have experienced similar situations is a great way to get help for both you and your daughter.

I hope you do settle in and read and join other threads here.  You can benefit greatly from the collective experience and wisdom the parents here have to share.

Again, welcome