“T” says I’m codependent,

[Beware of Junk Psychology...]

... .She told me the same things ... .she feels “beaten down, tired”... .no strength left to “fight for me”... .hmmm, what did that mean?

Just my thought that perhaps it is a reversal of "why does it appear you arent fighting for me like I thought you would have"

imagine if you picked up on this and saw it as a green light - if she wanted to triangulate, your reaching out attempts would be good for this.

maybe youve been too quiet, she is tired - but it opens up the idea of "if she wasnt, she (might)"

im not speaking on her behalf but i look back to my ex and she spoke like this all the time, it is rhetoric use of language, aporia and intentionally cryptic, non committal and open ended. But it always worked out the same, like setting a snare to waltz into.

when you do this to a person who is direct, open and hates the cryptic crossword puzzle part of the newspaper, it started to drive me nuts. My parents who are not fancy psychologists called this sort of stuff "they speak with the forked tongue"

whenever I would start to ask for more clarity on stuff, she would just shut down with throw away phrases like "nevermind" or "it doesnt matter". So this was training eventually for later on "dont bother trying to figure out, just go along the path I create, i set the pace, tempo and where it leads to".

John 3:20
Everyone who does evil hates the Light, and does not come into the Light for fear that his deeds will be exposed.

[Cromwell]

... .She told me the same things ... .she feels “beaten down, tired”... .no strength left to “fight for me”... .hmmm, what did that mean?

Just my thought that perhaps it is a reversal of "why does it appear you arent fighting for me like I thought you would have"

imagine if you picked up on this and saw it as a green light - if she wanted to triangulate, your reaching out attempts would be good for this.

maybe youve been too quiet, she is tired - but it opens up the idea of "if she wasnt, she (might)"

im not speaking on her behalf but i look back to my ex and she spoke like this all the time, it is rhetoric use of language, aporia and intentionally cryptic, non committal and open ended. But it always worked out the same, like setting a snare to waltz into.

when you do this to a person who is direct, open and hates the cryptic crossword puzzle part of the newspaper, it started to drive me nuts. My parents who are not fancy psychologists called this sort of stuff "they speak with the forked tongue"

whenever I would start to ask for more clarity on stuff, she would just shut down with throw away phrases like "nevermind" or "it doesnt matter". So this was training eventually for later on "dont bother trying to figure out, just go along the path I create, i set the pace, tempo and where it leads to".

John 3:20
Everyone who does evil hates the Light, and does not come into the Light for fear that his deeds will be exposed.

[Red5]

Just my thought that perhaps it is a reversal of "why does it appear you arent fighting for me like I thought you would have"

... .it is rhetoric use of language, aporia and intentionally cryptic, non committal and open ended. But it always worked out the same, like setting a snare to waltz into.

... .when you do this to a person who is direct, open and hates the cryptic crossword puzzle part of the newspaper, .my parents called this sort of stuff "they speak with the forked tongue"

... .whenever I would start to ask for more clarity on stuff, she would just shut down with throw away phrases like "nevermind" or "it doesnt matter".

So this was training eventually for later on "dont bother trying to figure out, just go along the path I create, I set the pace, tempo and where it leads to".

John 3:20
Everyone who does evil hates the Light, and does not come into the Light for fear that his deeds will be exposed.

Good post Man!,

I read this / this morning in my Bible, .I think it fits to my current conundrum... .

1st Timothy 6; v20. Timothy, guard what has been entrusted to your care. Turn away from godless chatter and the opposing ideas of what is falsely called knowledge. v21. Which some have professed and in so doing have departed from the faith.

Red5

[Ruskin]

HI Red5, Happy New Year

I hope you don’t mind, I read your post on co-dependency and recent events. Definitely one familiar with many of us (albeit I had never heard the term before coming to this forum).  I read your listed points on codependancy, definitely helped frame it for me…

Hope you don’t mind my asking, earlier I had a question I had wanted to ask you, (sent via PM) no worries if you don’t do PM, just working through the fall out over here, some successfully some not so… but heading in the right direction

Best regards
Ruskin

[Red5]

HI Red5, Happy New Year

I hope you don’t mind, I read your post on co-dependency and recent events. Definitely one familiar with many of us (albeit I had never heard the term before coming to this forum).  I read your listed points on codependancy, definitely helped frame it for me…

Hope you don’t mind my asking, earlier I had a question I had wanted to ask you, (sent via PM) no worries if you don’t do PM, just working through the fall out over here, some successfully some not so… but heading in the right direction

Best regards
Ruskin

Good morning Ruskin!

My PM ability is off line at the moment, so I am unable to access it, sorry about that Brother, hopefully in a few more days I will be able to use the PM again, computers eh’

I am in the wide open “clear” here and able to transmit on the boards though : )

It’s good to hear from you, and I hope you are doing well, .as you can read above, Major Tom, who I call my “T” tells me I’m codependent... .I knew of this term before and what in my own mindful experiences... .maybe knew what it meant, but I need to further learn as the above posters on this thread are writing... .in regards to,

As each day goes by, I learn a little more, and my undiagnosed wife shows me just a little more whom she really is ; (

I haven’t looked at the calendar yet this morning... .  it today is day forty seven of the separation I think... .I’ve got a long way to go my friend... .but all of us are on this journey together ; )

Hang tough Ruskin!

Top of the day to you!

Red5

[Cromwell]

Red5

As each day goes by, I learn a little more, and my undiagnosed wife shows me just a little more whom she really is ; (

I know that as I got further in time out of the relationship and my emotional state settled down, I made better progress at trying to figure stuff out. I know you have a rational logic mind worked as an engineer but the emotional and rational sides of the brain are linked together. It took me time to realise in the midst of this knowledge gathering that id lost sight that I really should be playing the priority role - that of 'patient'. Resting, recovering as much as possible and not trying to solve this stuff (and it isnt the most straightforward subject at the best of times).

Eventually I got answers that were less swayed by my emotional hurt and more objective. Have to get out of the fog completely first, steady as she goes.

[Red5]

Eventually I got answers that were less swayed by my emotional hurt and more objective.

Have to get out of the fog completely first,

... .steady as she goes.

UR right Cromwell !... .get out of the fog completely first !

I have a curious question Sir, is your screen name in regards to Thomas Cromwell, 1st Earl, the English lawyer and statesman who served as chief minister to King Henry VIII of England from 1532 to 1540?

Or are you connecting to a different Cromwell?

Just curious : )

... .I binged watched "Wolf Hall" (TV Mini-Series 2015), Cromwell was my fav character.

Yes, "engineering, .make revolutions for ten knots, steer two two zero helmsman, all ahead slow now, steady as she goes"... . 

Red5

[Cat Familiar]

I know that as I got further in time out of the relationship and my emotional state settled down, I made better progress at trying to figure stuff out. I know you have a rational logic mind worked as an engineer but the emotional and rational sides of the brain are linked together. It took me time to realise in the midst of this knowledge gathering that id lost sight that I really should be playing the priority role - that of 'patient'. Resting, recovering as much as possible and not trying to solve this stuff (and it isnt the most straightforward subject at the best of times).

Eventually I got answers that were less swayed by my emotional hurt and more objective. Have to get out of the fog completely first, steady as she goes.

Cromwell offers some good advice here. For those of us who are very logical, of course we try and "figure it out" but it's unlikely that any theory will ever suffice.

I think back to when I split from my first husband and I confronted him for not closing down a joint credit account, as he said he would. Instead, he lived off that credit card and ran tens of thousands of dollars of expenses on it.

When I asked him about his plan for paying that off, he told me that he was opening up other credit accounts and paying the minimum balance with other cards.

WHAT?

Then he told me it wouldn't be a problem since he was going to write a screenplay and sell it for $500K.

Wow! In all the years we'd been together, he once wrote a short story and that was the extent of his "writing career".

I remember that moment as if it were yesterday, though many years have passed. Was he always this crazy and I didn't notice? Was he doing meth with his new girlfriend? Who is this person?

Years later, I still have no clue, although every couple of years I get a call from some company he's stiffed, trying to track him down. My name and his are linked forever on the Internet.  

[Red5]

Years later, I still have no clue, although every couple of years I get a call from some company he's stiffed, trying to track him down. My name and his are linked forever on the Internet.  

For years after my first divorce, "Navy Fed" used to call me up looking for the ex, apparently she never paid her credit card bill... .

... .for years!

It finally stopped... .I even had to "answer to this"  when I got my clearance adjudicated back in 2012... .yeah, this stuff "sticks with you"... .

... .she was the "one", who learnt me about "codependence"... .witch starts with the letter "c", .like the acronym "CPTSD"    

Red5

[Cromwell]

I have a curious question Sir, is your screen name in regards to Thomas Cromwell, 1st Earl, the English lawyer and statesman who served as chief minister to King Henry VIII of England from 1532 to 1540?

Or are you connecting to a different Cromwell?

Just curious : )

Hi Red5

Never heard of the lad.

Well its a step up better than Oliver Cromwell. (im Irish)

Skip chose the name. I think from what Ive profiled him, its more in line with the Cromwell (A27M) that has taken shy over a year in production. (in my case Completed after the war was over)  

Will have to watch that series though.

Anyway, quid pro quo.

im curious now as well. Something special forces related or am I way off?

I sometimes have asked friends who were in the military stuff and theyve cracked me up with the response "I could tell you, but then id have to kill you"  

Anyway, money and BPDx, she was disasterous with managing it but that matches up with known traits. I havent paid the credit card I was using back then but that matches up with my own personality disorder assigned to me and just following my role as part of the labelling theory that I am not a non who is expected to behave as a fully functional unit.

[Red5]

Hi Red5

Never heard of the lad.

... . 

Well its a step up better than Oliver Cromwell. (im Irish)

I've read of him too 

Skip chose the name. I think from what I've profiled him, its more in line with the Cromwell (A27M) that has taken shy over a year in production. (in my case Completed after the war was over)  

Ah'... .armor !... .I can talk in "tank" !

Will have to watch that series though.

While your "shopping", look up the "Terror" series, "this is a fictionalized account of Captain Sir John Franklin's lost expedition to the Arctic in 1845–1848"... .I am a big fan of the "Tuunbaq" (?).

Anyway, quid pro quo... .im curious now as well... .something special forces related or am I way off?

Answer... .as I am a rabid sci-fi fan  ... .'Red5' is Luke Skywalker's "call-sign", when he flew with the "Red Squadron" at the Battle of Yavin, "Star Wars" [Star Wars: Episode IV – A New Hope]... .ole' Luke Skywalker... .my best friend back home flew AH-64 Apaches in the first Gulf War, his last name is "Walker", so his call sign was also "SkyWalker"... .

Anyway, money and BPDx, she was disastrous with managing it but that matches up with known traits.

My uBPDw, is (was) an accountant by career billet, she was really good with "numbers"... .her trick was to spend all the money I made, and save all the money she made... .which she took when she moved out forty seven daze ago ... .I believe this has something to do with "enmeshment"... .as in, if I'm in debt, I can't leave... .but she has a huge savings, so she is "autonomous"... .

hmmm,

Red5

[Harri]

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