Marrying her was the worst decision I have ever made

[Arrrgh]

This may be a controversial post, but here goes... .

If you are in a relationship with someone with BPD,  just run.  Run as far as you can as fast as you can before you ruin your life.  

Ex-wife was BPD.  30 years ago she was diagnosed as bipolar II, but pretty sure the real issue is BPD.  Bipolar II may be comorbid, which is not uncommon.  Yes, there were warning signs.  I thought I could deal with depression, but I just didn't know about BPD.  It's only in the last 5- 6 years have I put the pieces together and figured out she was really BPD.  

Marrying her was the worst decision I have ever made in my life and it has haunted me for the past 23 years.  DD is now BPD as well and it is just a nightmare.  Ex had alienated DD against me.  DD is academically bright but unstable in that BPD way.

I can't tell you how much litigation we have been through.  Now it is almost all over.  As things stand now, she owes me about $90,000 and I owe her about $90,000.  A normal person who would just offset the amounts but she wants to collect her money without acknowledging that she owes me money.  The two of us have already spent over $400,000 in legal fees, most of it by her.  Now, she wants to collect her $90,000.  She won't tell me if her attorney still represents her.  She won't talk to me on the phone.  She won't respond to my emails.  But if I don't pay, she will start filing papers in 20 days.  Every day I wrote her an email asking her to talk to me and she refuses.  

The aggravation never ends.  The one thing I read that really hit home is that if you are a normal person, the actions of a BPD will just appear crazy.  You won't understand the BPD and, in fact, you're not supposed to because they are too unhinged.  

So, if you are in a relationship with a BPD, just RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN... .They are incapable of feeling love or empathy.  They are just using you for something.  If you have kids, they will become BPD and they will probably alienate them from you anyway.  

Just RUN RUN RUN.  They will ruin your life.  

[Arrrgh]

See my post, "Just Dump Them."  Can't say it strongly enough.  No good will come of the relationship.

[Skip]

Marrying her was the worst decision I have ever made in my life and it has haunted me for the past 23 years.  DD is now BPD as well and it is just a nightmare.  Ex had alienated DD against me.  DD is academically bright but unstable in that BPD way.

I can't tell you how much litigation we have been through.  Now it is almost all over.  As things stand now, she owes me about $90,000 and I owe her about $90,000.  A normal person who would just offset the amounts but she wants... .

What is left t happen with the divorce?  This sounds like a big issue.

[Arrrgh]

We divorced 21 years ago.  All of this relates to child support.  Very complex.  I gave her a lot.  She wasted a lot.  She is crazy but also nasty, mean and vindictive and has alienated by child against me.  Everything is just a loss.  DD is very bright, but has a lot of issues.  If she get through college (Ivy League) in 6 years, that will be good. 

[Skip]

All of this relates to child support. 

How many more years do you have to pay child support?

How is your relationship with your daughter going? I remember it being a bit Rocky.

[Arrrgh]

My relationship with my DD?  Without going into too much detail, I finally had a chance to have a conversation with her therapist.  DD decided she wanted to get me involved in her therapy because "after all" I was her father.  I said, let me write a letter to your therapist.  I did write a long (7 pages, single spaced) letter and was surprised that this actually led to a conversation with her therapist.  Bottom line... .while her therapist could not speak freely, I interpreted what she did say as affirming my belief that there was a lot of parental alienation going on from the other side, that ex was BPD, and that DD had attachment issues and was likely BPD herself. 

What are you going to do? 

[Arrrgh]

"How many more years do you have to pay child support?"

Child support is done.  She's 23.  But we're still litigating!

[once removed]

a lot of parental alienation going on from the other side

do you have a feel for whats going on?