Scared

[FaithHopeLove]

Despite waking up last week to guns at his head, it appears DS24 is continuing in the illegal weed business. I am terrified. I feel helpless and hopeless. Is there any balue in confronting him?

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[HappyChappy]

Hi FaithHopeLove,

I'm not surpised you're scared, thats alot to lay at someones door. Why is he selling ? Is he hooked himself ? Is it by association ? Is it the gangster lifestyle ? If its down to finances, could you help him find another way of making money ? If he likes the weed, can he set up a legal operation somewhere close ? Maybe a girlfriend will help him see the light ? Is weed self medicaiton for him ? If so could you get him into a sport, or gym membership - weed and exercises don't go well together, so he may ditch one of them.

I was brought up on an estate where much of this went on. The golden rule was if you didn't threaten their business they left you alone.  They are business men first and formost. But it does sound like your son is not showing them respect or obaying the laws of the business if he's getting guns in the head.

I wish I could be of more help. But I survived 16 years of walking past such people every day, never had a problem. I'd look after your own safety first and subtley encourage him onto something else. If you did confront him, would you be telling him anything he doesn't already know ?

[FaithHopeLove]

He sells because he makes a lot of money and he is addicted. He knows full well we disapprove. We threw him out of our house because of it. Confronting him accomplishes nothing. Weed will soon be legal where we live but it is not easy to get into the legal business and it is far less profitable. The people who robbed him at gunpoint were probably customers. He needs to move soon because his landlord is throwing him out due to complaints from other tenants about the pot smoke. My husband is helping him find an apartment. DH is telling DS if he is not getting out of the weed selling business at least don't do it in his new apartment. Meet his customers somewhere else. Don't let them know where he lives. That he may do. It would at least be safer that way.

[HappyChappy]

OK so it sounds like you’re doing all that you can. Sounds like you’re being good parents. I know that our kids are always our kids and we always worry. But it does sound like you've done all you can.

When they legalise weed and the easy money goes, won’t he look for a better income ? Maybe thats your chance ? If he sells anything harder, then he will be mixing with dangerous people. In my country weed is illegal, but it doesn't interest the big boys, because its too cheep and not physically adictive. So its safer to sell than the other junk.

The benefit of a legal business (it doesn’t need to be in weed) is that he doesn’t have to keep moving around and losing business. But with a legal business, it builds over time and stays profitable, you have a brand that has value and something to sell when you retire. People with BPD like risk, so a business may give him the buz he wants. He may not want a boss telling him what to do ? I know this is all conjecture, but would he go for anything like that ?

[FaithHopeLove]

Thanks for the affirmation. When weed is legalized it has little impact on the illegal weed trade. He does have legal businesses too selling high end sneakers and other things. But the weed is more profitable. Still it is possible he will one day go legit. He really is a good business man. I hope that is the case. Meanwhile I accept what I cannot change with as much serenity as possible

 

[HappyChappy]

I must be missing something here. Why would legalization have no impact on illegal weed ? The general rule of economics state that legalization would encourage more people into the market and greater supply normally brings prices down. Also corporates get involved and their economies of scale, bring prices down again.

If I could go to a cool cafe, be assured of quality and lower the risk of it all, why on earth would I go down a dark alley and risk being ripped off ? I'm genuinely interested in knowing.

[FaithHopeLove]

In states where recreational weed is legal the illegal business still thrives because it is cheaper because it is not taxed.

[FaithHopeLove]

Illegal weed isn't necessarily  sold in dark alleys these days. It is sold everywhere including very nice places. Some dealers even make home deliveries, something legal dispensaries don't do. The quality is also quite good. It comes from the same growers as the legal stuff. I never thought I would become such an expert on the subject but I had to. I really don't have a problem with people smoking or selling it. It's just the risks of the illegal trade that worry me and make me wish my son would get out of the business.