The fleas are spread thick

[Our abuse recovery guide]

Hello... .again.
The last time I posted on here I was under eighteen. I was asked to come back when I was eighteen... .but I didn't. At the time, when I was still living with my FOO, it felt like rejection.
Now I'm older and I'm back.

I feel like I must have some sort of weird personality disorder karma.
I've got Borderline mom and Narcissist dad... .and also narcissist FIL.

Not long ago my husband and I lost our living situation. (And before anyone talks about how irresponsible we are, we had jobs, he's got a college degree, and we were going to college.) Our employers decided to short our checks. Then his employer informed him that he wouldn't be reimbersed til the next pay period... .and THEN they did it again.
We were already living month to month and barely making it so... .that was that.

First we landed with my family.
Which was worse than rough and reinstated bonds and hooks of obligation and guilt that I'd managed to avoid for a very long time.
Then (due to my family being totally okay with physical assault) we went to live with his FIL. We've definitely been here longer than we intended because we've had a really hard time finding employment.

Well, I'm about to start my next semester at a really good school, I've got a test scheduled which will place me for a good job, and DH is doing about the same (except that he already has his Bachelor's and is in an MA program on a PHD track.) We are JUST finally getting our legs under us after cataclysm after cataclysm... .and his dad just sent us an email (from where he's currently living with Golden Child/ aka BPD terror... .while we house sit for him) threatening to kick us out.

So, I'm back here, because... .I'm panicked, and miserable.

And... .that's just the tip of the iceberg. So much has gone on since I broke NC with my FOO. I feel like someone took my head and twisted it around a few dozen times then jeered at me for being unable to walk straight.

[BunnyLoris]

Hello... .again.
The last time I posted on here I was under eighteen. I was asked to come back when I was eighteen... .but I didn't. At the time, when I was still living with my FOO, it felt like rejection.
Now I'm older and I'm back.

I feel like I must have some sort of weird personality disorder karma.
I've got Borderline mom and Narcissist dad... .and also narcissist FIL.

Not long ago my husband and I lost our living situation. (And before anyone talks about how irresponsible we are, we had jobs, he's got a college degree, and we were going to college.) Our employers decided to short our checks. Then his employer informed him that he wouldn't be reimbersed til the next pay period... .and THEN they did it again.
We were already living month to month and barely making it so... .that was that.

First we landed with my family.
Which was worse than rough and reinstated bonds and hooks of obligation and guilt that I'd managed to avoid for a very long time.
Then (due to my family being totally okay with physical assault) we went to live with his FIL. We've definitely been here longer than we intended because we've had a really hard time finding employment.

Well, I'm about to start my next semester at a really good school, I've got a test scheduled which will place me for a good job, and DH is doing about the same (except that he already has his Bachelor's and is in an MA program on a PHD track.) We are JUST finally getting our legs under us after cataclysm after cataclysm... .and his dad just sent us an email (from where he's currently living with Golden Child/ aka BPD terror... .while we house sit for him) threatening to kick us out.

So, I'm back here, because... .I'm panicked, and miserable.

And... .that's just the tip of the iceberg. So much has gone on since I broke NC with my FOO. I feel like someone took my head and twisted it around a few dozen times then jeered at me for being unable to walk straight.

[DharmaGate]

Welcome back Bunnyloris,
You have a whole lot going on, good idea to come back.  As you know lots of people here facing the same things you are.  Are you panicked about the housing situation? Or other stuff?  What are fleas?

Respectfully, DG

[BunnyLoris]

 So, the housing thing sort of resolved its self this morning. By which I mean DH contacted FIL and they figured something out.

Mostly I'm just feeling incredibly overwhelmed and stressed.
Ever since landing with my FOO for a while when I first lost my place, I've had a lot of contact with them. I've had a younger sibling coming over regularly so I can help him with his academic stuff and I've even been meeting my mom for coffee now and then.
She will sometimes come with my dad to drop off my brother and it was already really, really hard to deal with her just showing up like that.

Well, recently I was meditating and I suddenly remembered something from very, very early childhood. It was this horrible, visceral reliving of something she did and I've been in a tailspin since.

My anxiety is out of control, and the depression fog has been thick. I've even been dealing with insomnia which is not usually a problem for me.

Recently younger brother stole a large sum of money from me, and even though I know FOR SURE it was him, he refuses to admit to it or return the money.
FOO is backing him up... .or at the very least not contacting me.

I'm really torn between needing the money, and feeling like I should be trying to get it back from them and feeling... .a little relieved... .Which I then feel guilty for.

This could be that 'out' that I felt like I needed. A reason to put that distance between us again, but... .

Sib is unlikely to pass his exams without my help. He's just too far behind.

I feel like I owe it to him to try and get him to do the right thing so I can keep helping him... .which sentence sounds absolutely crazy.

The of being kicked out of my FIL's really brought home a terror of having to go back to my FOO and all of this stuff I've been struggling with just sort of rose up like a wave to overwhelm me.

That's why I was like, "Where can I go where people will definitely get what's going on?"

I'm really not sure what to do about the money situation.

It's a lot of money for me, but is it even worth the contact to try to get it back?

Also, that money was being saved for us to be able to move out of where we are. So... .that's the connection to the housing situation.

FIL said, when confronted, that he wasn't threatening to kick us out. That he just wants us "working on leaving."

So... .hopefully that's a real thing.

I know I'm rambling and not making a lot of sense.
It's been a really emotional year.
 

[BunnyLoris]

  Oh and about the fleas.

I have real emotional problems stemming from my childhood, but also... .my whole family seems to be infested with BPD-ness .
The little brother who stole from me, for instance, did it because he was told (while he was staying the night) that he couldn't drink a sugar drink he'd purchased right before bed.

He also plays strange (and at this point pretty transparent) lying and manipulation games. He seems to do it just to feel superior.
He was so different as a kid. I couldn't see, at first, that these games were serious. I guess because I didn't want to.

[DharmaGate]

BunnyLoris,
ok so fleas is a term for when a family has many members showing traits of personality disorders, BPDish as you said... .i love the BPDish   

anyway reading your posts i most certainly can relate to many family members showing traits of personality disorders.  It sounds like everywhere you turn there is an another situation to deal with, even in mediation, and the stuff with your mom sent you into a tailspin.   

 f

feel like I owe it to him to try and get him to do the right thing so I can keep helping him... .which sentence sounds absolutely crazy.

Makes perfect sense to me and i tried to get my dad to do it recently!  This brings me to what i was thinking as i was reading your stuff.  I am wondering if you have studied the drama triangle we have on here?  For these really complicated, multi relational, situations i have not found anything better to make sense of them.  it is a mind bender to read and comprehend for me but it gave me huge relief a few weeks back, i am wondering if it might do the same for you.  i am going to look at it again tonight and will be back on tomorrow.

wishing us all peace