Single Grandma Cut Off From Grandkids

[Parents! Get help here!]

Hello my name is... HOPE...
I will not give up on her... I love her... and my grandkids...
I am a single grandma of a daughter who Ibelieve has BPD... I have not been allowed to see my grandkids since the summer... I am a retired counselor and need help. I have taken all the blame for yrs but since summer I stopped.  Big scence caused by my daughter had grands for summer... I sent them home and sat on  my porch for two weeks crying... so... .im out of denial and need help to help them but me first...
[s1am single for 20 yrs been supportive of her and my grandkids... I am a praying woman and believe this is why I got to this group. Today I was blessed to get this new book at a thrift shop... Stop Walking on eggshells by Randi Kreger
so I am reading how I am feeling... I dont know how to change the font here but will): Sorry its large...
Ok this has been an emotional rollercoaster for a long time... now I have three grandkids who walk on eggshells and I want to rescue them... pls help I have been walking on eggshells for too long. I have been retired since 2016 and want to enjoy her and my grandkids... I am out of denial and need help... .thanks for listening...

[Hope...]

Hello my name is... HOPE...
I will not give up on her... I love her... and my grandkids...
I am a single grandma of a daughter who Ibelieve has BPD... I have not been allowed to see my grandkids since the summer... I am a retired counselor and need help. I have taken all the blame for yrs but since summer I stopped.  Big scence caused by my daughter had grands for summer... I sent them home and sat on  my porch for two weeks crying... so... .im out of denial and need help to help them but me first...
[s1am single for 20 yrs been supportive of her and my grandkids... I am a praying woman and believe this is why I got to this group. Today I was blessed to get this new book at a thrift shop... Stop Walking on eggshells by Randi Kreger
so I am reading how I am feeling... I dont know how to change the font here but will): Sorry its large...
Ok this has been an emotional rollercoaster for a long time... now I have three grandkids who walk on eggshells and I want to rescue them... pls help I have been walking on eggshells for too long. I have been retired since 2016 and want to enjoy her and my grandkids... I am out of denial and need help... .thanks for listening...

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Mutt]

Hi Hope... .,



I'd like to welcome you to bpdfamily. I'm sorry for the circumstances that led you here, there is hope. It helps to talk to members that are in similar situation as you, that can offer you guidance and support.

I will not give up on her... I love her... and my grandkids...

You got Randi's book and saw similarities in your daughter? Did someone else tell you that they think that she may have BPD? Is she diagnosed? How old are your grandkids?

You're on the right path, a r/s with a pwBPD as you know is very difficult especially when the behaviours are confusing or they are saying things that don't make sense and you can't understand why they are upset etc... .There is a reason why she acts the way that she does, read as much as you can about the disorder, you'll quickly see the benefits and become proficient over time.

You can find a lot of material here at the top of the board, the lessons are in there as well https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=331689.0

Big scence caused by my daughter had grands for summer.

This is the catalyst for her recent behaviour have you been split black in the past? What happened, what caused the scene?

[Only Human]

Hi Hope 

I'd like to join Mutt in welcoming you to BPD Family. Many grandparents here will relate to what you have written. I'm also a grandma (memaw); one grandson who is 4.

I do understand how devastating it is to be cut off from my GS. I cried buckets of tears, from deep down in my soul.

im out of denial and need help to help them but me first...

This is spot on, Hope... .As Mutt said, you're on the right path. Keep reading, keep posting, it helps to get it out. We are here with you and can support you while you travel this journey.

Again, welcome aboard!

~ OH

[wendydarling]

Hi there Hope ….  

I join Mutt and Only Human welcoming you to family here and hope you find comfort as you get to know everyone, you are not alone   and gradually familiarise yourself with the free life changing resources available here, dig deep.

How old are your grandchildren Hope... is the father/s around? Like you I have one child, 30 yr daughter (DD)  diagnosed (dx) BPD and more dx - BPD is more than often a co-morbid dx. I have no grandchildren. Is your DD in contact with her father?

You are right it is a blessing finding bpdfamily, I'll never forget the overwhelming relief I felt, are you feeling relief? I also felt overwhelmed, my first post, my first forum.

I look forward to getting to know you and supporting you as you walk forwards alongside friends here.

Hugs, kindness and hope, go a long way.

WDx  

PS Your font size is perfect as you'll see reading back your post on the board.  . At the top of your screen there are green tabs, the left one says Help! There are many useful tips how to get round the site, the best out of your experience. Shout out if you need any help, anytime.

[Hope...]

 Hello
Thank you all for the encouragement... I will try to answer all the questions...
This is the longest my daughter has not talked to me.  She asked me in the summer to watch the two boys. 9.5 and 4.5... They could not afford daycare.
 I am on ss. I said I needed help with money for food... They started giving me $ every other week. not much but I made do... Then one week no $ all I asked was is anyone sending me $,, The scene was horrid... no one could talk but my daughter... I had to send the kids home... Have not had visits since... two facetime and when I try to talk to my Daughter she cuts the facetime.
I have only one daughter. She is in counseling or was... so is her husband. She has no contact with my ex... I am reading walking on eggshells. I want to learn not how to react and be there for the kids and her when she wants... She will be 34...
I am thankful for people who understand and im happy to have found this site and also to get help for me. I am a retired counselor and have been working harder than her... I know I need to take care of me so I can be ready for the kids when she allows them to visit again... hopefully soon.
Thank you all for your replies...
ps so do i just reply to you all in one post or do I do it individually. not sure how to do that...
Thanks so much... Im so so happy I found this site.
Hope.

[Hope...]

To answer another question. I am a retired professional counselor... I have two other professionals who learned of the symptoms of my D... also am familiar with DSM V.
Thanks

[Mutt]

You can reply on seperate posts some members do that and you can reply to everyone in one post. I can see how difficult your situation is if you haven’t seen your kids since the summer child care is expensive you’re doing her a huge favor.

So if the kids aren’t with and she couldn’t afford daycare where are they now? They would of had summer break the youngest would be in preschool maybe and the oldest in grade 4 they would need after  school care. Has she needed your in the past and split black and come back some time later neeeding you again for the same favor? Would she ask you to watch the kids again?

Have you been taking care of yourself? What do you do for self care?

[wendydarling]

Hi Hope... .

Thanks for sharing your story with us, that must have been very distressing for you, the scene was horrid, no one could talk but your DD, she emotionally dysregulated.

You want to learn how not to react, I wondered how you are getting on with the resources here, Lessons: what can a parent do : is there anything particular you've been reading you think may be  helpful at this point, sometimes it helps to share and discuss what we are placing in our toolbox.

Hope your day is going well.

WDx

[wendydarling]

Hi Hope... .

Wondering how are you?

WDx