Is it common to feel exhausted due to the lack of love?

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

Is it common to be exhausted of the rs and stop being the lovegiver because she just give you so little of love?
At the end when we brokeup she told me that i didnt care for her anymore cause i dont kissed her or have s*x like before (when i was fully on dodging bullets and slaying dragons). I felt so unloved and uncared those last months. Like an old toy from a kid.

[FJM]

Is it common to be exhausted of the rs and stop being the lovegiver because she just give you so little of love?
At the end when we brokeup she told me that i didnt care for her anymore cause i dont kissed her or have s*x like before (when i was fully on dodging bullets and slaying dragons). I felt so unloved and uncared those last months. Like an old toy from a kid.

[Ozzie101]

I think it is common. It's exhausting to be the constant giver. If you don't receive anything in return, there's nothing to replenish you. Love fades and resentment and anger can take its place.

Ideally, in a relationship, both parties fill each other up. It's not always 50-50, of course, but, overall, everyone stays satisfied. If you're the one constantly filling her cup from your cup, eventually your cup is completely empty and there's nothing more to give.

[Lucky Jim]

If you're the one constantly filling her cup from your cup, eventually your cup is completely empty and there's nothing more to give.

Exactly, Ozzie101.  Towards the end of my marriage, I felt like there was nothing left in the tank.  I had depleted myself emotionally, physically and financially.  I hit bottom, which was not fun.

Yes, FJM, it gets exhausting, which is why in my view most BPD r/s's are not built to last.  I'm under the impression that yours was a fairly brief romance, right?  If so, consider yourself lucky to have exited gracefully from a BPD r/s.

LJ

[Mutt]

Hi FJM,


I agree with Ozzie101 and LuckJim, from time to time even today I start feeling worn down but no where near the extent when I was with my exuBPDw.

It’s a sign that you’re not focusing enough on your own needs to refill that tank up. That being said when that starts now I change the tempo by giving myself me time to refuel so I can handle the current load and more better.

I need to function to the best that I can  because my kids need me they come first so I have to take care of myself.

Is it just from the lack of love or self love?

[FJM]

Lucky Jim Well it lasted 2 and a half years. As everyone here commonly says, the ups were unique, the lows at the beggining were mere obstacles for my love. But in the last 6 months i felt like you said, empty tank in every aspect. She brokeup with me, at the next week we came back but i left her before the imminent recycle. 2 weekes later she had replaced me.
But, the belief of "the last 6 months i couldnt give her s*it because she depleted me" still haunts me. Makes me feel that i gave her real reasons.

Bless u

[Lucky Jim]

Hey FJM, Don't beat yourself up!  You didn't deplete yourself, so give yourself a break.  It's doubtful that anything you did or didn't do would have made a difference over the long haul, so now is the time to let go and be grateful that you are out of an unhealthy r/s.  Most BPD relationships, in my view, are not built to last.

LJ

[suisse_chilipep]

Is it common to be exhausted of the rs and stop being the lovegiver because she just give you so little of love?
At the end when we brokeup she told me that i didnt care for her anymore cause i dont kissed her or have s*x like before (when i was fully on dodging bullets and slaying dragons). I felt so unloved and uncared those last months. Like an old toy from a kid.

Hi FJM,

I think you can cut yourself some slack. Yeah, it sounds pretty common when being with a pwBPD. For the past year and a half, I've felt so physically depleted (fatigue, exhaustion, lack of interest in sex with her, and showing her affection). You are not alone.