I’m sorry to be so needy but I need some help

[Mjobpd]

Dd17 has been in php for 3 days now. Today (after I’d told her no to an unreasonable request) she refused to give her phone to the people in an effort to get kicked out and has flat out told me she’s not going back. I have taken FMLA to stay in Chicago to support her through this. How do I get her to continue?

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Mirsa]

Hi,

forgive me, but what is php?  I looked on the glossary of terms, but couldn't find it. It sounds from your other post that it is a day-treatment program?

I had my BPD DD in an outpatient treatment program a couple of summers ago, and she didn't want to go.  Over the recommendation of her therapist, I forced her to go.  His perspective was that if she didn't want to be there, she wasn't ready for it, and wouldn't benefit from it.  He was right.  She eventually got thrown out of the program bc she wasn't participating in it, showed up high a few times, and was disrupting the progress of other kids who actually wanted to get better.   In retrospect, I think I did my best, but the therapist was probably right... .since she didn't really want to change, she wasn't ready to participate.  You can bring a horse to water, but you can't make it drink. 

That being said, who pays for the cell phone?  That is a privilege, as is the car.  These privileges come with strings attached, which in my house, has been agreeing to complete tasks that I ask her to do. 

I completely understand your desperation for her to get better, for things to change and shift, even a little bit, in a positive direction.   In my daughter's case, it ended up being two years of two steps forward, one step back.  But, that is progress, even if it was painful and challenging and exhausting.  She slowly got stabilized and in many ways, she is doing well now:  good grades, drug-free, and has a PT job.  In other ways, she is still herself:  no friends and she's a classA royal jerk.  The drama remains a constant, and it's never her fault.  But, I'm glad she is not in the self-harming, drug-abusing phase right now at least.

There's no easy answers unfortunately, just shared experiences, and yours may be completely different, and I hope, so much better. 

Hugs.

[Huat]

Oh MjoBPD... .don't ever apologize here for being "so needy."  We all need help and part of what helps us is being of help to someone else.  Your turn will come when you reach out to another member of this community.

I do like the reply you have received from Mirsa... .someone who is talking the talk and doing her best (as are the rest of us are) to walk-the-walk.

Hope to hear more from you MjoBPD.  No one can give you answers but we can listen (read) and give support as you navigate your way through this with your daughter.

Huat

[wendydarling]

Hi mjoBPD

How are you?  

WDx