Why does she want to be friends?

[Dazzlers]

I made a post here last night about how I got 6 calls from my ex at 1:30am. Today I got 4 calls and I ended up answering because I got a very angry voicemail. That voicemail was from two weeks ago but I didn’t know that.

In my previous post I also said she couldn’t bring herself to play a video game that we’ve been waiting years for to come out. Well turns out she completed the video game anyway and I guess she wanted to talk about that. She said the ending of it made her think of me but not in a romantic way. Which honestly stung a little cause I’ve gotten way too used to the whole “I promise I’ll never leave” stuff.

But she also told me that she’s been suicidal. And that she’s been very lonely lately so I think she’s just coming to me for some sort of supply? Because she did say that she’s doing okay in the moment now that we’re talking.

She wants to be friends. She wants me in her life. But I’ve read so much about BPD/NPD to know that this is some kind of trap. A trap I don’t want to get caught in.

Two weeks ago she told me she’s been doing really well and told me to never contact her again. Two weeks later she’s suicidal and wants to be friends. I’m seeing some kind of pattern here. Seems like she’s using me as supply for when she’s suicidal but as soon as she’s feeling good again it’s time to toss me aside.

I said I can’t be friends with her for the sake of my own mental health. Two weeks ago I even said I can’t move on if she’s lurking around in the background of my life. And earlier she told me to give being friends a shot and if it doesn’t work out just go back to not talking.

At the end of our conversation I told her that I’m going to change my phone number in a few days to make sure I don’t get contacted. I told her to look after herself and she said “No.” then hung up.

What sucks is that we were both at the same pub on Saturday night. We didn’t see each other but she said she was hoping to run into me. And I think that’s true because she has a video game that belongs to me which she keeps saying she’ll post but is now saying she’d rather give it to me in person.

So what’s all this about? Does she secretly not want me to move on? Does she really only want to be friends? Do you think she’s feeling some sort of guilt or shame?

Please let me know what you think. Thanks.

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[once removed]

I’ve read so much about BPD/NPD to know that this is some kind of trap. A trap I don’t want to get caught in.

theres a lot of stigma, urban legend, and misinformation about the disorder on the internet, Dazzlers. generally speaking, people dont ask someone to be friends in order to trap or hurt someone. more than likely, she is having difficulty letting go. people will push for friendship to stave off pain. it is hard to say, however, what she would want in a friendship, and what it would look like.

do you want any sort of relationship with her, or none at all?

[Dazzlers]

theres a lot of stigma, urban legend, and misinformation about the disorder on the internet, Dazzlers. generally speaking, people dont ask someone to be friends in order to trap or hurt someone. more than likely, she is having difficulty letting go. people will push for friendship to stave off pain. it is hard to say, however, what she would want in a friendship, and what it would look like.

do you want any sort of relationship with her, or none at all?

Thanks for the response. I don’t think I could have a relationship with her now. Not after everything that’s happened. Also, she’s moving city to go to some top tier college but I’m not sure when.
I’m just gonna stick to my plan of changing my phone number because I can’t truly heal if she keeps popping up every once in a while.

[once removed]

how long were the two of you together?

[Dazzlers]

how long were the two of you together?

5 years and 2 months.

[once removed]

thats a pretty long time. a lot of history between the two of you.

wouldnt you want things to end on the best possible note...even if you dont now, what about a year from now?

[Dazzlers]

thats a pretty long time. a lot of history between the two of you.

wouldnt you want things to end on the best possible note...even if you dont now, what about a year from now?

I’d love to. But I just can’t. We always promised that we’d be together forever. But somewhere in late 2018 things just changed. It would kill me to see her with someone else. So I’d rather not know about it when the time comes.