I spent a good portion of the evening sitting in the driveway in my car; although that was more peaceful it was unfair that I was in the driveway while she was inside watching Netflix. I mean, I don't think I could help her de-escalate at all-- unless I completely gave in to her every whim and I doubt that would actually last long.
It takes a great deal of
strength and confidence to deal with a child with BPD. Here are two really helpful articles:
https://bpdfamily.com/content/support-child-therapyhttps://bpdfamily.com/content/setting-boundariesDo not tolerate abuse.Do not tolerate abusive treatment such as tantrums, threats, hitting and spitting.
Walk away and return to discuss the issue later. Frankly, tantrums are not tolerable. There is a range of ways to set limits on them.
A mild gesture would be to walk out of the room to avoid rewarding the tantrum with attention.
A more aggressive gesture would be to call an ambulance. Many families fear taking the latter step because they do not want an ambulance in front of their home, or they do not want to incur the wrath of the person having the tantrum.
When torn by such feelings, one must consider the opposing issues. Safety may be a concern when someone is violent and out of control. Most people would agree that safety takes priority over privacy. Furthermore, by neglecting to get proper medical attention for out-of-control behavior, one may turn a silent ear to it. This only leads to further escalation.
The acting out is a cry for help. If a cry for help is not heard, it only becomes louder.
Don't threaten.
Be cautious about using threats and ultimatums. They are a last resort.
Do not use threats and ultimatums as a means of convincing others to change. Give them only when you can and will carry through. Let others - including professionals - help you decide when to give them. When one family member can no longer tolerate another member’s behavior, he or she may reach the point of giving an ultimatum. This means threatening to take action if the other person does not cooperate. For example, when a daughter will not take a shower or get out of bed much of the day, an exasperated parent may want to tell her that she will have to move out if she does not change her ways. The parent may hope that fear will push her to change.
At the same time, the parent may not be serious about the threat. When the daughter continues to refuse to cooperate, the parent may back down, proving that the threat was an empty one. When ultimatums are used in this way they become useless, except to produce some hostility.
Thus, people should only give ultimatums when they seriously intend to act on them. In order to be serious about the ultimatum, the person giving it probably has to be at the point where he feels unable to live with the other person’s behavior.
Anything in the article resonate with you?