I'm still in the same rut

[2020]

Hello all,

It has been a little while since I have posted here. My partner had a fairly big breakdown earlier this year, resulting in 10 days in a mental health unit after a couple of suicide gestures, for want of a better word. She ended up medicated and back with me and to be honest, the medication has made the world of difference. The past few weeks however have not been easy.

She started cutting her pills in half and then quarters and perhaps that has made the problems arise again. Last week she disappeared after I had to drive my son a fair way to pick up a new phone. She was gone when I got home and arrived five hours later very drunk. She then insisted on ringing some numbers the hospital had given her in case of emergency. I tried to get her to talk to me but she insisted on ringing this help line and after 20 minutes of drunken nonsense, they sent an ambulance around who couldn't get a straight word out of her and took her to hospital. I went to the hospital and sat awake all night until sunrise for her to be assessed by the Mental Health Team... the whole time she slept across the chairs at the hospital.

I received a letter in the post last week that my landlord needs this house I am renting vacated. I have a little under 90 days to find another home. As I need to think about my two sons, one of whom is Autistic, this has caused a major melt down today.

I had arranged to view another house to rent at 4pm. My partner wouldn't go with me so I had to go alone. She was gone when I got back 20 minutes later. When she returned she smelled like she had been drinking again. I approached her about this and tried to explain the predicament I am in and that I am trying to best find a solution to the accommodation problem which will cater for all of us. She wouldn't listen. She said she was going to a phone box to ring a counsellor. I asked her to just call from here but she wouldn't. She just walked off.

So now I have yet another disappearing act to deal with. I just went to the hospital but she has not been there. They are telling me to contact the police. I am at home worried again. She has been gone almost five hours. For all the validating, JADE, SET, etc... I am at the end of my tether. It seems like every month or two I go through a major episode with her. Every week there are minor problems, even with medication. She is awaiting a DBT program but there is a waiting list for maybe another two months. At least she has acknowledged she has 'BPD traits'. We went to an information night together regarding the DBT program and it looked promising.

I am feeling pretty burnt out again. She may arrive later tonight. I had expressed to her how concerned I become when she vanishes. I though she understood.

I am reading here when I can but it isn't easy when she is in the room with me most of the time. Sorry to post when distressed. Thanks for listening.

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[sotiredofthis]

Didn't want to read without giving some positive vibes. Sending safe hugs your way. Don't have any advice other than keep posting and I've found the reading ends up helping me not feel so alone.   

[2020]

These relationships can be so very hard. I was thinking that since the last major incident around New Year and with her now being medicated, we were making progress. I probably let myself slip with the validation and using 'the tools'. The pills she was prescribed were giving me a much needed break, as well as her I think. Yes she was somewhat a zombie at night, but the violence and irrational swings were gone.

Tonight I am trying to sleep. I don't know where she is. She has pretty much run out of options where to go. Even her son can't put up with it and ignores her now. It is quite sad really.

I will go to the Mental Health Unit in the morning. She has an appointment there sometime tomorrow. I will see if I can speak with her contacts there and let them know what is going on. Part of me hopes that she had the good sense to book herself in yesterday. She just disappeared. She even left her glasses here.

I am not getting much time alone lately. I get to read here when she takes a shower. Looks like another crisis is looming. I hope things are somewhat better in your life. Your reply is much appreciated. Thank you.

[2020]

OK... I did update this present situation just before but for some reason it didn't register. Here is the short version of events.

She was taken by police to hospital last night after an episode on a roundabout in town. I spoke to doctors and psychiatrists at the hospital and they are attempting to formulate some sort of mental health plan for her. They are aware of the impact this is having for those around her and that I would like to be kept up to date and be a part of her recovery. She is still on a DBT waiting list but perhaps that can be sped up somehow.

Today she is home, sleeping. I have a brief moment of peace and a sense of relief. I am reading here and share your experiences. I will update as things progress. I wish you all the best.

[Ozzie101]

I'm so sorry, 2020. That's a lot to handle. I'm glad you're posting here, though. And I hope she can get the help she desperately needs.

Do you have a therapist of your own? Friends or family you can turn to? Self-care is so important. It's hard to take care of your sons and your partner if your own cup is empty, so to speak.

[I Am Redeemed]

So sorry you are going through this, 2020. I am glad that she at least made it back to the hospital and you were able to speak with her mental health providers.

I'm with Ozzie, I know it's probably hard for you to have time to get some therapy or support for yourself. Do you have any help with the kids? How are they faring with their mother's issues?

Sending hugs,

Redeemed

[2020]

Thank you both for the kind replies. I do have a therapist I see. I sent a message last night to make another appointment. It takes a day or two for him to respond as he lives in a forest without internet. I have seen him most months for five years. Recently we did two sessions with my partner too.

My partner is not the mother of my children. She likes my eldest son who is 27 but she does not like my youngest son who is almost 18 and on the Autism spectrum. They clash quite badly. This latest episode was triggered I believe by being given 90 days to vacate this rental property and me looking at options of where to live. She is upset I am including my children in the move too. I can see her point. They are adults and should by all rights move out on their own. The problem is to get my youngest into accommodation where he can exist by himself is hard. He is like an 8 year old in many respects. He has a history of sexual abuse too.

I do have my Sister to talk to, who gets to hear about all of this drama. She is very supportive and has known my partner for two years now and really likes her. It is sad this condition causes her so much anguish. The past 5 years have been very difficult. The mental health and alcohol related incidences have escalated in recent times. Sometimes I wonder why I persist, yet I keep marching on toward the inevitable, whatever that is.

[I Am Redeemed]

Oh, I see. Your children are adults, but with special needs, and your partner doesn't truly understand that. Perhaps the division of your attention is more than she can accept emotionally.

I am glad you have a therapist and a supportive family member. I hope you can get in to see the T soon to get some more support.

Redeemed