Learning about BPD for the first time

[Cori]

After doing a lot of reading, I think I’ve been in my first BPD relationship (hetero, ex-boyfriend.) I also think I used to have strong traits in my 20s, (I’m now 39)  but have been healthier this year. I’ve been fascinated to learn about this.. I always thought I was crazy but medications didn’t help.. in my heart I knew it was behavior-related but no doctor helped... they just gave me anti-anxiety or anti-depressants... but I only turned crazy in personal relationships. Addiction-prone, self-harming since a tween. No childhood abuse, other than isolation from being an only child.
   My ex: major abuse as a child, both parents died from cancer. Alcoholic and ex drug addict.
   I am extremely empathetic and knew something was wrong from the beginning. Just trying to solve a few pieces of this ‘me’ puzzle so I can feel less at the mercy of a pattern I can’t even put a name to... if I never see him again, I truly feel I was put in that situation to learn about myself... and maybe show him a less self-hatred-filled future. Or maybe just need to run.
   I read Shari Screibers website and ‘do you need to be needed’ book, it hit home deeply, but yes I do feel there was not much sympathy to the BPD person.., in the beginning of her site she has a disclaimer for BPD sufferers to ‘look elsewhere for support’. I took her advice with salt, but it felt GREAT to realize I WASNT insane. I don’t want to try to fix people anymore because I ‘see myself in them’ and feel bad. I have to nurture myself. Literally for the first time in 25 years. I hope I can find balanced support here, so I don’t let this control my life.
  (Note: I have never been diagnosed professionally. But, I’ve been LIVING it my whole life. I read Mayo Clinic, help guide, books, I’m taking some from all, but I know in my heart it was him.)

Thank you
  

[Mutt]

Hi Cori,



I’d like to welcome you to  bpdfamily, Im glad that you have found us. It helps to talk to others that can relate with your experience and offer you guidance and support.

I’m glad to hear that you’re excited about learning more and that you’re motivated to help yourself   Read as much as you can about the disorder you’ll quickly see the benefits and you’ll become proficient over time.

I read Shari’s site when I first learned about BPD but it’s too intense and too hateful for my taste what helps is reading information from accredited medical resources. Can you give us the back story on your break up?

[Red5]

Hello Cori and welcome!

Books… here are three more, you may have already read them, but here they are,

1.) *Stop Walking on Eggshells : Taking Your Life Back When Someone You Care About has Borderline Personality Disorder” ~ by Paul T. Mason, MS and Randi Kreger.

2.) *I Hate You--Don't Leave Me : Understanding the Borderline Personality, ~ by Hal Straus and Jerold J. Kreisman

3.) *Loving Someone with Borderline Personality Disorder : How to Keep Out-of-Control Emotions from Destroying Your Relationship, ~ by Shari Y. Manning

Again, welcome !

Kind Regards, Red5

[I Am Redeemed]

Hi Cori,

Welcome to BPD Family! We're glad you are here. I can relate to a lot of what you said. I can see a lot of traits in my behavior when I was in my 20's also, but I leveled out and grew more stable in my 30's (I'm 41 now).

What kind of behaviors did your ex display that led you to suspect BPD? Can you tell us a little more about the relationship?

I think it's great that you are seeking self-awareness and working towards a healthier approach to relationships. It's a journey that a lot of us here are on after a BPD relationship.

Blessings and peace,

Redeemed