Just realized my now ex is BPD

[Mox17]

All,
First post here. I am struggling pretty hard here. Could use some guidance. I started dating my BPD GF at the end of September. Things seemed normal, and we were progressing well. About two months in, I started noticing things. Weird mood swings. Her constantly accusing me of cheating. Picking fights with me over nothing at all. She would blow up and tell me that I needed to end things with her, couldn't understand why I wanted to be with her when I had others (which I didn't). I also started noticing patterns in February of her disappearing for long periods of time. Like at 6 pm I would get a text that she didn't feel well, and then not hear anything until the next morning. No answers to my calls or texts to check in on her. Nothing. Radio silence.
At the end of January, she started to distance herself. I didn't know what was going on. One night I drove out to see her. Her apartment is about 45 min away. She wasn't there, so I called. No answer. I then texted asking where she was, she said she was at her parents. I knew she was lying, so I told her I went by there, and she wasn't there. At that point, she admitted she had been seeing another guy, and that she was with him. I was obviously hurt, but at that point, we hadn't made our relationship exclusive. I asked her if we could talk face to face, and two days later she came over to see me. We talked, and talked. And it didn't seem like it was going anywhere. And then finally it broke through. She had planned to stay over. She told me she wanted to be exclusive and she would end it with the other guy. I agreed that I wanted that. We had sex that night. She stayed for the rest of the weekend, hooking up with me all weekend like usual. When I asked if she ended it with the other guy, she said "he's gone". I left it at that.

She pulled a disappearing act on Feb 21st again. Told me she was sick at around 6p, and I didn't hear from her until 7a the next morning. She texted and said she drove to her parents after talking to her mom. She told her mom she had a fever and possibly strep, so she says her mom told her to come over. It's a 45 min drive, which was a red flag. You don't make that drive if you're sick. She then said she thought she told me she was going to her parents, and she was sorry. And that her mom got her a doc appt for 8a that morning. Which is completely unrealistic. She texted me around 10a saying she was going to her apartment to get her things, and that she would then come over after for the weekend. She gets to my house, and stays from Feb 22nd to Feb 28th, and on Feb 28th takes me to the airport for a trip I had planned to see a friend in Arizona for my birthday. I was going to be in Arizona from 2/28 to 3/3, at which point I would fly back home. 3/4 was my birthday, and my gf and I had planned to go stay at a cabin for two nights to celebrate.

While in Arizona, she was facetiming me that friday, texting me non-stop that she missed me. Sending me sexy selfies, all sorts of normal stuff we do. She was telling me she couldn't wait til I got home. She told me she was going out with some girl friends that night. So we didn't text much. I went to bed, and woke up with a few texts from her saying she missed me, and another sexy selfie. Same things all day saturday with the texts and selfies, and declarations of missing me and not being able to wait to see me. Told me she couldn't wait to go to the cabin for my birthday. Once the evening hits, the texts start to slow down. This is a girl that has her phone glued to her hand, and has an apple watch that texts pop up on. I had this feeling in my gut something was up. I went to her facebook, and she had blocked me. I don't actually get on facebook often, so I have no idea how long I had been blocked. She hadn't blocked me on instagram or snapchat at that point. Just facebook. My friends wife looks her up, finds her, and it says she's in a relationship with another guy (turns out to be the guy she was with at the end of Jan.) that isn't me since January. I instantly text her asking if we can talk. No answer. Text again saying it's an emergency. No response. So I send a screen shot of her relationship status, to which she replies "I'm sorry". I ask her to call me. She won't I text asking what is going on. Nothing. She then texts me that she loves this guy, they are hosting a housewarming party, and that she would step outside with him to call me. She calls, and she's whispering and not talking loud. He clearly isn't with her. I ask her whats going on, and she tells me she fell for the guy. Says I shouldn't care cause I had others. Tells me she was going to end it with me the next day when I got back. To which I respond with "you were going to end it with me on my birthday?". Then I hear someone in the background, and she hangs up quickly. She doesn't respond the rest of the night. Next morning she responds vaguley, and asks if she can come get her things. I say to her "is that all you have to say to me after 5 months?" Then she goes radio silent the rest of the day for the most part. She is still at the guys house at this point. I reached out to the guy, sent him screen shots and all sorts of evidence, he never replied, and blocked me. They're still together on facebook.
 
Her and I finally talk on the phone two days later, and I decided to record it. During this 48 hour period, I had talked to one of her friends that she had distanced herself from over the past few months. I asked if she thought she had a personality disorder. She couldn't say "yes" fast enough. So that is why I wanted to record this call with the gf/soon to be ex. On the call, she tells me she loves him. I ask her how can you love a guy when you were at my house 4 days earlier having sex with me? She responds saying she wasn't at my house. Says she wasn't there at all during the span of 2/22-2/28. At which point I remind her I have a nest camera in the driveway that shows her car in my driveway that entire time, and for 21 of the 28 nights in February. She then says, "ok, ok I was there". We fight and argue, and hang up. I block her. She gets a hold of me with a message saying it's urgent and I am gonna wanna hear what she has to say. I give in and call her. Nothing urgent, she just wants her things. I tell her she can come get them whenever, and ask for her to bring me my things.

She is going to vegas for the weekend a few days later, so I assumed it would be after that. We go radio silent the next couple of days. Once she gets to Vegas, she is snapping me and calling me, I didn't answer any of the calls. She is texting me selfies. I ask her if she misses me, to which she replies "nope". That was on Friday 3/8. I stop responding at that point. She sends a few texts the next day, to which I don't respond. I don't engage her at all, and I don't hear anything either, until I reach out on 3/13 asking if she is going to come get her stuff. She then tells me I can trash it. Says the reason is cause she "doesn't want to see me". She then blocks me.

On 3/14 I text her from my ipad, and it goes through. I tell her I am going to add her on snap, and I am not going to tell anyone we are talking. She accepts the request, and starts messaging me. Tells me she loves Chris, and they're gonna be together forever. Then she asks me if I thought we really would have made it long term. I say that I did think that. She then says "you would have had to give up all of your side chicks".  Puzzling. She continues to message me more that afternoon and evening on 3/14. She tells me she wants to see me one last time...24 hours after she said she didn't want to see me. The next morning 3/15, she messages me good morning. She is being her normal self. She asks me to send her a pic. I send one. I ask for one back. She replies with "you lost those privledges" and then follows that up with "nice trying on trying to break chris and I up btw. well played". After I read it, I don't reply instantly. Decided to wait a bit before saying anything. When I go back to send a reply, she has now blocked me. I don't get it. I thought she wanted to see me. I thought progress was being made, and then se flips. I haven't had any contact with that guy since I sent the message on 3/3 with the screenshots and evidence. So I don't get why she flipped.

Later that afternoon, I decide to message her from my ipad, which she has never blocked throughout this whole thing. She has me blocked on everything else, but not imessage on my ipad. I send a message saying that we needed to make plans on when we could exchange stuff. The message doesn't go through, and I realize she has blocked me again. I try reaching out from my office line, as she doesn't know that number. She answers and hangs up when she hears my voice. Blocks me immediately. I send an email asking if we can coordinate a time to exchange stuff. I tell her that I am tired of hurting over her and need to get her stuff out of my house so I can heal and move on. She reads it, doesn't respond, and blocks my email address.

I now haven't heard from her since friday 3/15. She hasn't been diagnosed with BPD, but after reading so much online, her friend and I are convinced she has it. She suffered multiple concussions when she played d1 soccer, and it forced her to retire from the game. She's told me in the past her mom has urged her to see a psychiatrist. I started piecing all of this together after I found out about the other guy.

I should also note that I didn't handle myself well. I chased her and texted and called over and over thoughout this process.

I don't know what to do now. I have no way of contacting her. I would like to get my things back. I have all of her things already boxed up. It's quite a bit of stuff. She lives in an apartment that is 45 miles from my house. But she never stays there. She can't be alone. So if I drive out there and she's not there, I have just wasted my time and gas. I can't leave it on the porch, it will get stolen. I've thought about driving over to her parents and dropping it off. I haven't met them though, and I don't want that to be the first time I meet them. And I also don't want to involve them in this.

The stuff being here is driving me nuts. I wonder every day if she's going to reach out, come get it, anything. I have it hidden in the closet in the guest bedroom. It's still on my mind. I almost drove it to her parents today. I don't know what to do. I have not had a meanigful conversation with her since I called her our when I was in arizona. At that point, she did a 180 and has acted like we were nothing and I mean nothing to her.

What do I do? How do I get through to her. I care about her and love her. I want to have a conversation with her. It doesn't seem like I can make that happen. What do I do with her things?

I apologize for this being so long-winded. I am lost and hurt by all of this. I lost my best friend, and the girl I was in love with. Please help.

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[Mox17]

 
First post here. I am struggling pretty hard here. Could use some guidance. I started dating my BPD GF at the end of September. Things seemed normal, and we were progressing well. About two months in, I started noticing things. Weird mood swings. Her constantly accusing me of cheating. Picking fights with me over nothing at all. She would blow up and tell me that I needed to end things with her, couldn't understand why I wanted to be with her when I had others (which I didn't). I also started noticing patterns in February of her disappearing for long periods of time. Like at 6 pm I would get a text that she didn't feel well, and then not hear anything until the next morning. No answers to my calls or texts to check in on her. Nothing. Radio silence.
At the end of January, she started to distance herself. I didn't know what was going on. One night I drove out to see her. Her apartment is about 45 min away. She wasn't there, so I called. No answer. I then texted asking where she was, she said she was at her parents. I knew she was lying, so I told her I went by there, and she wasn't there. At that point, she admitted she had been seeing another guy, and that she was with him. I was obviously hurt, but at that point, we hadn't made our relationship exclusive. I asked her if we could talk face to face, and two days later she came over to see me. We talked, and talked. And it didn't seem like it was going anywhere. And then finally it broke through. She had planned to stay over. She told me she wanted to be exclusive and she would end it with the other guy. I agreed that I wanted that. We had sex that night. She stayed for the rest of the weekend, hooking up with me all weekend like usual. When I asked if she ended it with the other guy, she said "he's gone". I left it at that.

She pulled a disappearing act on Feb 21st again. Told me she was sick at around 6p, and I didn't hear from her until 7a the next morning. She texted and said she drove to her parents after talking to her mom. She told her mom she had a fever and possibly strep, so she says her mom told her to come over. It's a 45 min drive, which was a red flag. You don't make that drive if you're sick. She then said she thought she told me she was going to her parents, and she was sorry. And that her mom got her a doc appt for 8a that morning. Which is completely unrealistic. She texted me around 10a saying she was going to her apartment to get her things, and that she would then come over after for the weekend. She gets to my house, and stays from Feb 22nd to Feb 28th, and on Feb 28th takes me to the airport for a trip I had planned to see a friend in Arizona for my birthday. I was going to be in Arizona from 2/28 to 3/3, at which point I would fly back home. 3/4 was my birthday, and my gf and I had planned to go stay at a cabin for two nights to celebrate.

While in Arizona, she was facetiming me that friday, texting me non-stop that she missed me. Sending me sexy selfies, all sorts of normal stuff we do. She was telling me she couldn't wait til I got home. She told me she was going out with some girl friends that night. So we didn't text much. I went to bed, and woke up with a few texts from her saying she missed me, and another sexy selfie. Same things all day saturday with the texts and selfies, and declarations of missing me and not being able to wait to see me. Told me she couldn't wait to go to the cabin for my birthday. Once the evening hits, the texts start to slow down. This is a girl that has her phone glued to her hand, and has an apple watch that texts pop up on. I had this feeling in my gut something was up. I went to her facebook, and she had blocked me. I don't actually get on facebook often, so I have no idea how long I had been blocked. She hadn't blocked me on instagram or snapchat at that point. Just facebook. My friends wife looks her up, finds her, and it says she's in a relationship with another guy (turns out to be the guy she was with at the end of Jan.) that isn't me since January. I instantly text her asking if we can talk. No answer. Text again saying it's an emergency. No response. So I send a screen shot of her relationship status, to which she replies "I'm sorry". I ask her to call me. She won't I text asking what is going on. Nothing. She then texts me that she loves this guy, they are hosting a housewarming party, and that she would step outside with him to call me. She calls, and she's whispering and not talking loud. He clearly isn't with her. I ask her whats going on, and she tells me she fell for the guy. Says I shouldn't care cause I had others. Tells me she was going to end it with me the next day when I got back. To which I respond with "you were going to end it with me on my birthday?". Then I hear someone in the background, and she hangs up quickly. She doesn't respond the rest of the night. Next morning she responds vaguley, and asks if she can come get her things. I say to her "is that all you have to say to me after 5 months?" Then she goes radio silent the rest of the day for the most part. She is still at the guys house at this point. I reached out to the guy, sent him screen shots and all sorts of evidence, he never replied, and blocked me. They're still together on facebook.
 
Her and I finally talk on the phone two days later, and I decided to record it. During this 48 hour period, I had talked to one of her friends that she had distanced herself from over the past few months. I asked if she thought she had a personality disorder. She couldn't say "yes" fast enough. So that is why I wanted to record this call with the gf/soon to be ex. On the call, she tells me she loves him. I ask her how can you love a guy when you were at my house 4 days earlier having sex with me? She responds saying she wasn't at my house. Says she wasn't there at all during the span of 2/22-2/28. At which point I remind her I have a nest camera in the driveway that shows her car in my driveway that entire time, and for 21 of the 28 nights in February. She then says, "ok, ok I was there". We fight and argue, and hang up. I block her. She gets a hold of me with a message saying it's urgent and I am gonna wanna hear what she has to say. I give in and call her. Nothing urgent, she just wants her things. I tell her she can come get them whenever, and ask for her to bring me my things.

She is going to vegas for the weekend a few days later, so I assumed it would be after that. We go radio silent the next couple of days. Once she gets to Vegas, she is snapping me and calling me, I didn't answer any of the calls. She is texting me selfies. I ask her if she misses me, to which she replies "nope". That was on Friday 3/8. I stop responding at that point. She sends a few texts the next day, to which I don't respond. I don't engage her at all, and I don't hear anything either, until I reach out on 3/13 asking if she is going to come get her stuff. She then tells me I can trash it. Says the reason is cause she "doesn't want to see me". She then blocks me.

On 3/14 I text her from my ipad, and it goes through. I tell her I am going to add her on snap, and I am not going to tell anyone we are talking. She accepts the request, and starts messaging me. Tells me she loves Chris, and they're gonna be together forever. Then she asks me if I thought we really would have made it long term. I say that I did think that. She then says "you would have had to give up all of your side chicks".  Puzzling. She continues to message me more that afternoon and evening on 3/14. She tells me she wants to see me one last time...24 hours after she said she didn't want to see me. The next morning 3/15, she messages me good morning. She is being her normal self. She asks me to send her a pic. I send one. I ask for one back. She replies with "you lost those privledges" and then follows that up with "nice trying on trying to break chris and I up btw. well played". After I read it, I don't reply instantly. Decided to wait a bit before saying anything. When I go back to send a reply, she has now blocked me. I don't get it. I thought she wanted to see me. I thought progress was being made, and then se flips. I haven't had any contact with that guy since I sent the message on 3/3 with the screenshots and evidence. So I don't get why she flipped.

Later that afternoon, I decide to message her from my ipad, which she has never blocked throughout this whole thing. She has me blocked on everything else, but not imessage on my ipad. I send a message saying that we needed to make plans on when we could exchange stuff. The message doesn't go through, and I realize she has blocked me again. I try reaching out from my office line, as she doesn't know that number. She answers and hangs up when she hears my voice. Blocks me immediately. I send an email asking if we can coordinate a time to exchange stuff. I tell her that I am tired of hurting over her and need to get her stuff out of my house so I can heal and move on. She reads it, doesn't respond, and blocks my email address.

I now haven't heard from her since friday 3/15. She hasn't been diagnosed with BPD, but after reading so much online, her friend and I are convinced she has it. She suffered multiple concussions when she played d1 soccer, and it forced her to retire from the game. She's told me in the past her mom has urged her to see a psychiatrist. I started piecing all of this together after I found out about the other guy.

I should also note that I didn't handle myself well. I chased her and texted and called over and over thoughout this process.

I don't know what to do now. I have no way of contacting her. I would like to get my things back. I have all of her things already boxed up. It's quite a bit of stuff. She lives in an apartment that is 45 miles from my house. But she never stays there. She can't be alone. So if I drive out there and she's not there, I have just wasted my time and gas. I can't leave it on the porch, it will get stolen. I've thought about driving over to her parents and dropping it off. I haven't met them though, and I don't want that to be the first time I meet them. And I also don't want to involve them in this.

The stuff being here is driving me nuts. I wonder every day if she's going to reach out, come get it, anything. I have it hidden in the closet in the guest bedroom. It's still on my mind. I almost drove it to her parents today. I don't know what to do. I have not had a meanigful conversation with her since I called her our when I was in arizona. At that point, she did a 180 and has acted like we were nothing and I mean nothing to her.

What do I do? How do I get through to her. I care about her and love her. I want to have a conversation with her. It doesn't seem like I can make that happen. What do I do with her things?

I apologize for this being so long-winded. I am lost and hurt by all of this. I lost my best friend, and the girl I was in love with. Please help.
 

[itsmeSnap]

Hey there Mox17

That's quite a story you have with her. Sounds a bit similar to what I went through with my exgf.

What do I do? How do I get through to her. I care about her and love her. I want to have a conversation with her. It doesn't seem like I can make that happen. What do I do with her things?

It seems you would have to wait for her to want to have a conversation. Blocking you is not a specially subtle way of letting you know she's "not available". I know it sucks to hear this because I also got blocked basically out of the blue (not really, there were signs, but I didn't see them at the time) and that landed me here looking for answers.

If she were to contact you again, you might want to look into how to handle that as well. It's happened before right? it might happen again, might not. What would that conversation look like?

Anyway, what do you want to do with her things? you mentioned a few options already, I know its a recent-ish breakup but what's the timeframe for "safekeeping them"?

Welcome to the boards btw
 

[Mox17]

Hey there Mox17

That's quite a story you have with her. Sounds a bit similar to what I went through with my exgf.
It seems you would have to wait for her to want to have a conversation. Blocking you is not a specially subtle way of letting you know she's "not available". I know it sucks to hear this because I also got blocked basically out of the blue (not really, there were signs, but I didn't see them at the time) and that landed me here looking for answers.

If she were to contact you again, you might want to look into how to handle that as well. It's happened before right? it might happen again, might not. What would that conversation look like?

Anyway, what do you want to do with her things? you mentioned a few options already, I know its a recent-ish breakup but what's the timeframe for "safekeeping them"?

Welcome to the boards btw
 

Thanks for the reply man. Sorry to hear you recently went through this as well. It's not a fun time, and I wouldn't wish it on anyone.

As far as her things go...I won't trash them or anything like that. I am not gonna be that guy. She has my things as well, but I have started to reside to the fact that I won't likely get those back. The only real options I have no are to drop her things at her parents house (who I've never met), or put them on the hood of her car while she's at her indoor soccer game this week.

I just feel like I need to get them out of my house so I can start to move on. As long as they are here, I will always wonder if I will hear from her. I have them tucked away in the guest bedroom closet for now.

[itsmeSnap]

I just feel like I need to get them out of my house so I can start to move on. As long as they are here, I will always wonder if I will hear from her.

people with BPD are notorious for breakups and back-togethers, its been called 'recycling'. Me and my exgf broke up some 10 times it seems (not really but a lot of times) before this last (broke up late october) during a span of two years, I didn't really look into BPD much until this last time so I didn't really know how to handle it. Now I know a thing or two, and even though I'm mostly "over it", I still think about whether she will contact me or not (its been up to six months before she contacts again all "happy to see me", sort of like you mentioned with what she did with your birthday trip)

This is a very recent relationship (you mentioned started dating around sept, so about 6 months?) so given that context I wouldn't be surprised if she also contacted you again in the future. That's why I asked if you've thought about what you would say to her if she were to reach out to you.

The only real options I have no are to drop her things at her parents house (who I've never met), or put them on the hood of her car while she's at her indoor soccer game this week.

Any common friends/friend of hers you could reach out to?

Dropping things at her car while she's busy doing something else is a bit of a stalker move. Don't get me wrong, I also wanted to drive by her work to get her to talk to me when my gf broke up with me, but then I realized that's a bit too much, give yourself a bit of time to settle your thoughts before you do anything rash.

I care about her and love her. I want to have a conversation with her.

Making the breakup "final" by returning is a bit of a mixed message given your desire to talk to her. again, what would you like to have a conversation with her about? just arrangements for returning her things?

[Mox17]

people with BPD are notorious for breakups and back-togethers, its been called 'recycling'. Me and my exgf broke up some 10 times it seems (not really but a lot of times) before this last (broke up late october) during a span of two years, I didn't really look into BPD much until this last time so I didn't really know how to handle it. Now I know a thing or two, and even though I'm mostly "over it", I still think about whether she will contact me or not (its been up to six months before she contacts again all "happy to see me", sort of like you mentioned with what she did with your birthday trip)

This is a very recent relationship (you mentioned started dating around sept, so about 6 months?) so given that context I wouldn't be surprised if she also contacted you again in the future. That's why I asked if you've thought about what you would say to her if she were to reach out to you.
Any common friends/friend of hers you could reach out to?

Dropping things at her car while she's busy doing something else is a bit of a stalker move. Don't get me wrong, I also wanted to drive by her work to get her to talk to me when my gf broke up with me, but then I realized that's a bit too much, give yourself a bit of time to settle your thoughts before you do anything rash.
Making the breakup "final" by returning is a bit of a mixed message given your desire to talk to her. again, what would you like to have a conversation with her about? just arrangements for returning her things?

I haven't given much thought to what I would say if she does reach out. Guess I could use some advice there. Although I don't know that she will reach out. I sent the other guy a couple of emails with screen shots of texts, pics of us, and videos from the nest driveway cam showing him she was here pretty much 4-5 nights a week for the last several months. I didn't get a response from him, and they are still together from what I can tell. So I am sure that didn't go over well with her, thus I doubt she reaches out anytime soon.

We had some common friends at first, but she drifted from them almost immediately after we started dating. And after talking with them and looking back, I think it was strategic. She knew those friends wouldn't support what she was doing with two guys at once. So she distanced herself. The one friend she still has that I know, well, I don't want to drag her into it. Her and I have talked a bunch, and she is in my corner with this and shocked by it all. But if I gave her the stuff, my ex would know her and I talk, and would flip on her as well. I can't do that to her. I didn't think it would be that bad to drop it off at the game because I wouldn't engage with her, and I have been to several so I know the schedule. I almost want to make a statement as much as I want to get it out of my house.

The main reason I have wanted to see her/talk to her is to get some answers/explanations. I haven't seen her since she dropped me off at the airport. 48 hours later my world was turned upside down and she's acted like I mean nothing since. The few interactions we have had, she's been sure to tell me she loves this other guy and they're going to be together forever. It's wild. IDK. I just want to see her, talk, and say goodbye if it's really goodbye. But it doesn't appear that I am going to get that chance.

She has my things, and I have hers. She initially acted as though she wanted them desparately, but yet I couldn't get her to coordinate a time to exchange. It's all just confusing, overwhelming, and heartbreaking.

I guess I can skip out on dropping them off on wednesday at the game. I haven't tried contacting her since saturday 3/16. I have no intentions of trying to again anytime soon. I leave for Chicago this weekend for a few days. I can wait until I get back and see where things are before I do anything.

[itsmeSnap]

I sent the other guy a couple of emails with screen shots of texts, pics of us, and videos from the nest driveway cam showing him she was here pretty much 4-5 nights a week for the last several months. I didn't get a response from him, and they are still together from what I can tell.

She probably flipped it and made herself look like a victim of you in his eyes, most likely triggered his knight in shining armor mode and made him like her even more.

I know, its not your fault dude, you're trying real hard to set things straight, but that's not how things work in BPD land. It's really counterintuitive, that's why it pays to know the inner workings before doing the thing.

But if I gave her the stuff, my ex would know her and I talk, and would flip on her as well. I can't do that to her.

What does she think about your ex? could she be in a similar situation like you are (push-pull, neglect then love bomb, that sort of thing), except "friend flavor"?

The main reason I have wanted to see her/talk to her is to get some answers/explanations.

Ask me as if I was her. BPD's are remarkably "predictably unpredictable", which means they often take the same dysfunctional routes to solve their problems.

She can twist facts to suit her worldview (she has done it to you. her: "I didn't visit you!", you: "I have video evidence..", her: "ok fine, but that doesn't mean I 'visited you' ", see what I mean?) so it takes a bit of reading between the lines to figure out what she's really saying.

I leave for Chicago this weekend for a few days. I can wait until I get back and see where things are before I do anything.

That's a great to get your mind cleared. hopefully the trip will not be too stressful. Visiting family/friends or work?

[Mox17]

She probably flipped it and made herself look like a victim of you in his eyes, most likely triggered his knight in shining armor mode and made him like her even more.

I know, its not your fault dude, you're trying real hard to set things straight, but that's not how things work in BPD land. It's really counterintuitive, that's why it pays to know the inner workings before doing the thing.
What does she think about your ex? could she be in a similar situation like you are (push-pull, neglect then love bomb, that sort of thing), except "friend flavor"?
Ask me as if I was her. BPD's are remarkably "predictably unpredictable", which means they often take the same dysfunctional routes to solve their problems.

She can twist facts to suit her worldview (she has done it to you. her: "I didn't visit you!", you: "I have video evidence..", her: "ok fine, but that doesn't mean I 'visited you' ", see what I mean?) so it takes a bit of reading between the lines to figure out what she's really saying.
That's a great to get your mind cleared. hopefully the trip will not be too stressful. Visiting family/friends or work?

Thanks man! I am visiting family.
Ok, so hit me with the inner-workings and how I need to communicate with her from here on out. If you have any tips or advice, I would appreciate it.

[Mox17]

She probably flipped it and made herself look like a victim of you in his eyes, most likely triggered his knight in shining armor mode and made him like her even more.

I know, its not your fault dude, you're trying real hard to set things straight, but that's not how things work in BPD land. It's really counterintuitive, that's why it pays to know the inner workings before doing the thing.
What does she think about your ex? could she be in a similar situation like you are (push-pull, neglect then love bomb, that sort of thing), except "friend flavor"?
Ask me as if I was her. BPD's are remarkably "predictably unpredictable", which means they often take the same dysfunctional routes to solve their problems.

She can twist facts to suit her worldview (she has done it to you. her: "I didn't visit you!", you: "I have video evidence..", her: "ok fine, but that doesn't mean I 'visited you' ", see what I mean?) so it takes a bit of reading between the lines to figure out what she's really saying.
That's a great to get your mind cleared. hopefully the trip will not be too stressful. Visiting family/friends or work?

Leaving me hanging man!

[once removed]

what sorts of things of yours does she have? are they important to get back?

as for her stuff? i know youre blocked...is there no other way to contact her? note in her mailbox or by her door? if you can do that, id get a storage, pay for 30 days give her a key/the information, let her know.

if not? you dont have to do anything hasty, but if shes expressly invited you to trash it, and blocked every avenue, its not an unreasonable or wrong thing to dispose of it at a certain point.

[Mox17]

Several pairs of dress shoes, a couple of blazers, iPad, gate opener and garage opener for the house, among other things I don't even know about I'm sure. After she told me to trash it she messaged again saying not to. And that she wanted to see me again. Then blocked me. All over the place.

Her friend is willing to take it and give it to her, but I am afraid that it will start issues between the two of them. And that most certainly guarantees I never get my stuff back.

[Mox17]

Bump

[once removed]

its hard, but short of say, police intervention, it may be a very uphill battle getting your stuff back. i had to let some important things go too, and my ex also left me with hundreds of dollars worth of her stuff. after about a year, i trashed it.

if you want her stuff off your hands, id go ahead and give it to the friend, if she offered.

PS. id really encourage you to make yourself at home here as part of the family, and post in the threads of others. it will help build up your support system.

[Mox17]

So, in essence, you think I should just forget about her ever reaching out again, much less wanting to get her things?

[once removed]

thats not quite what im saying. but i think you should be realistic, and take her at face value, regarding her belongings.

you dont have to do anything. but you want the belongings out of your space, right?

[Mox17]

Just a quick update for those that viewed and responded to this post. It's been about 6 weeks now since we split after I found out about the other guy. I still haven't seen her. I found out that she went to a courthouse two days ago and married that guy. Absolutely mind-blown. Barely knows the guy. Six weeks removed from being with me, and she is now married. Very, very tough pill to swallow.

[once removed]

ouch...

how are you holding up?

[Mox17]

Not well. Completely in shock.

[once removed]

i hope youll lean on your family here, as well as friends and family outside of here. its certainly a shock to the system, and youre going to need support.

[Sandb2015]

Mox17,

 I'm sorry for your shock, it's impossible to get the clarity you want  and the lies are just unreal.

It's impossible to pin down and count on anything sometimes with BPD.

Try not to think it over as a way to figure this madness out, you can't, don't wait to figure it out before you feel better.