Coping with a BPD child with substance abuse disorder

[Barley]

I am struggling right now.  My 18 year old BPD daughter was hospitalized three weeks ago and had become addicted to kratom and dependent on using marijuana multiple times a day.  She has severe anxiety, panic disorder, depression, and continues to self-harm.  Since she has been out of the hospital, she has tried to steal and abuse prescription meds, she has snuck alcohol, and has become prone to rages of anger even in public.  She is attending an IOP, but I am wondering if I should consider residential treatment.  She is resistant to that idea, but my life is consumed with her care.  I can't get through a work day without some crisis which often results in my having to run home to check on her.  I am sure I have some form of PTSD after dealing with this for so long.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[FaithHopeLove]

Hello, Barley,
Here's a hug  I am glad to meet you and sorry for the circumstances. Many of us here can relate to being so consumed with our children's care that we sometimes don't know if we are coming or going. Yes it can cause PTSD. It may sound counterintuitive but the best thing you can do for your daughter is to take care of yourself. Posting here is a big step toward good self care. Do you have other self care plans?

[Only Human]

I'm so sorry to hear of the difficulties you are experiencing with your DD. Many of us here can to relate to the all-consuming nature of this disorder, you are not alone and I'm glad you reached out to us for support.

Regarding inpatient treatment, has your DD shared why she is resistant to the idea? It sounds like you could really use a break - having her at a residential treatment facility would likely take some of the pressure off of you, give you some room to breathe.

I echo what Faith has written, self-care is of utmost importance, otherwise we can become resentful of all we have done to support our children - missing work to return home to check on your DD, worrying about what's next, all that stuff leaves little room for you. Do you have support in real life? A therapist, friends you can confide in? Many of us find working with a therapist who specializes in BPD to be helpful. I have just one friend who "gets it" so I'm really glad to have  bpdfamily as another layer of support.

I hope you'll find posting here to be as beneficial as so many of us have and I'm really glad you found us.

Again, Welcome!

~ OH